is this giving wrong idea?

LegacyUser

hi all,
really would appreciate opinions on this- both male and female
was out for run during yesterday- bumped into a guy who was also out for run, as we reached railway crossing gates came across and as we were waiting just politely chatted away- turns out he is new to the area- he mentioned being interested in doing triathlon, i mentioned that i done one for last 2 years in x county and that i knew of someone local ish that was trying get together a few people to train together- and that id give him number- i then looked in my phone but didnt happen have number- so said id forward it on to him later on- so just asked him for his number- also must point out that i said that i was not interested in doing triathlon this year that i wanted to focus on a different sport-
so with that the train passed and we both jogged on in different directions...
i thought no more about it- and just forward on number when i got home-
this morning boyfriend took my phone by mistake and guy texted back today with general gist of message being could we meet up after our chat yesterday..
to make matters worse i did not even save number with name- i didnt even ask him for his name yesterday when putting number into my phone so just saved it as 123 for eg
boyfriend not happy and cannot understand it at all, make things worse he has left for airport until friday due to work.
i know it looks bad when taking all above into consideration but really from my point of view it was the most innocent thing ever- certainly no flirting on my part-and i didnt pick up any from him either- it was just what i thought a friendly encounter between 2 people who happened to be of opposite sex.
so just want opinions- would you view this as leading on?

LegacyUser

Its not leading him on but why was your bf checking your phone???? Thats the main issue here? Dont let him make you feel guilty. Is be possessive?

LegacyUser

op here again
no its just this morning i was in such a rush i took his phone by mistake and he picked up mine presuming it was his (we have same phones as it happens) i would'nt see him as possesive.. its just im kicking myself because- the message i sent to the guy yesterday is not saved in phone- if it was it would prove how innocent whole thing was- it was literally this is number. with this and the suggestive tone of guys message whole thing is blown out of all proportion..

Taltos

notleadingon wrote: »

Its not leading him on but why was your bf checking your phone???? Thats the main issue here? Dont let him make you feel guilty. Is be possessive?

+1
Only 1 way to deal with this - the dreaded talk...
When he is back sit him down and calmly ask what is going on?
Since when has it been illegal or wrong to chat to someone or make new friends? I mean does he think that everytime you go out running you are on the pull?

Bit of an exaggeration but trying to give you the extreme other view. Seriously though - this is not your problem - it is his - and by association you suffer. Hence you need to talk and get it all out in the open.

Now as to meeting up to "talk" about it - that might be very innocent or it might be a very clever way of asking you out on a date - simply reply back and offer to meet up for a coffee with your OH - you know - "I am going for coffee tomorrow with Tom, will be free then for 10 min if you want to catch up..." or just ignore it. But that was your call and not your boyfriends.

Have the talk and get this sorted, jealousy and mistrust both have a way of ruining perfectly good relationships if left to fester...

Ickle Magoo

I have to agree with previous posters & say "Of course not!".

Being your boyfriend doesn't give him the right to choose who you talk to, what you say, who's number you take or what friends you make. If he doesn't trust that you can chat to a guy & take his number without automatically assuming you are going to jump into bed with the guy then he clearly doesn't think very much of you or your relationship.

You've explained what happened & your boyfriend's nose is still out of joint, which means he thinks you are lying. That would make me really angry. :mad:

Lollipops23

ok,so it looks pretty bad!

But you have a perfectly fine explanation as to why the message was there etc
all you can do is repeat it and if he doesn't believe you,that's a seperate issue.

LegacyUser

thanks all,
oh i just feel all odds stacked against me because rang bf today i.e. my phone wanting him to drop in into me asap- only because i had loada reminders saved in phone for stuff relating to meetings etc. today... thanks again , because i was starting to convince myself that i must have been leading him on...as the guys message is definately along lines of date and not friends etc/ i just find it so annoying that guys and girls cant text each other without being in a relationship or being interested with each other- i have about 5 female friends in my phone who i have met randomly in similar situations...

PopUp

I don't think you led him on at all. Hey, the guy liked you, you are obviously into similar sorts of things - it's the most natural thing in the world for him to check if you'd like to take things further. It doesn't mean anything.

If the same thing happened to my husband (and it is the sort of thing that would happen to him because he's really friendly and chatty but hasn't a clue when people are trying to flirt with him!) I would not mind in the slightest. But I trust him completely.

The big issue here is that your BF didn't accept your word. It's understandable he asked you about it, but to not accept a perfectly reasonable explanation - there's a lack of trust there and that's a big problem.

I would say that in future I'd drop my BF's name into conversations like that. I know it sounds super vain, and can often be a bit awkward but in future you could mention 'Oh I did X triathlon with my BF last year' or whatever - just so the poor other chap didn't get his hopes up (of course then you run the risk of people thinkin 'hey princess I'm just having a friendly chat, I don't wanna marry you!' but what can you do!!)

Also - maybe I am reading your post wrong but did your BF keep your phone after he found the message? Does he still have it?

LegacyUser

thanks popup, no i have my phone back he brought it into work to me soon as the "text" came through... on reflection im not really person i realised that brings boyfriend into conversation much..as in with random people. i so understand what you mean by

'hey princess I'm just having a friendly chat, I don't wanna marry you!'

it is this area that bf is finding it hard to get, he says that he would always drop me into conversation if he was unsure of other persons motives etc.
i have told him that i trust him and am disappointed in him doubting me...
last weekend for example this older lady was flirting with bf, i genuinely found it funny, and even left them to it , went to few other pubs and met up later on in night...

thanks again, feel so lousy, dont even want go for my usual run as i haven texted back guy who i ran into last day-with so much going on just haven got around to it..

Reesy

Op, IMHO you don't need to be as forceful as some posters have suggested, but I do agree that he deserves an explanation - so explain clearly how it happened. No need to get stroppy or defensive. If the runner wants to meet you, then meeting him with the BF might kill 2 birds with one stone, if you see what I mean.

Finally, enjoy a) being fancied & b) having a possessive lover! When you get a bit older you may have neither, and you may miss them.

Good luck

LegacyUser

op here
haha thanks reesy your post made me smile, will keep your words in mind as it happens work is going to take myself away for next week so perhaps change scenery and absence is what is needed. thanks all

LegacyUser

I don't see a problem with what you did, or your boyfriends reaction. Both perfectly understandable, and certainly your boyfriends reaction/overreation is not the drama other posters have made it out to be. He's only human. Like it or not, a set of perfectly innocent circumstances has resulted in a very suspicious outcome. Explain it to the boyfriend again, but don't dismiss his feelings about it. Once it's cleared up ye can laugh about it. But you certainly haven't done anything wrong or led the other guy on - he just took a chance, fair enough I say.

Overheal

also must point out that i said that i was not interested in doing triathlon this year that i wanted to focus on a different sport.....

Giggity.

(Trans: yes, if you said it like that, it could have been seen as a flirt)

I wouldnt be in a hurry to contact Mr. Man again. You can refer him to the Triathalon information but tbh it wouldnt be prudent to arrange to go on jogs together or anything.

LegacyUser

op here
thanks for that overheal, never thought of it like that!

T "real deal" J

Look if my girlfriend just told me that story it's not a big deal...if he's in a big hissy fit then he's the one at fault...it's an innocent thing no big deal unless he makes it a big deal...jeeze what's wrong with people these days...what's this dweeb looking through your phone for anyway...paranoid