Do I need to know?

LegacyUser

Hey, i really need your opinions on something. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We've been renting together for about 6 months. On saturday he drove into town, said he needed to pick up a few bits in the shops. I guessed he might be buying my xmas present so didn't go. Anyway, he went to a mates place that evening. Said there was a few going out (i don't really know these lads). Anyway, woke up sunday morning and he hadn't come home or contacted me. When he did come home (around 12) he was really affectionate, saying how we should buy somewhere together and he just kept holding me. I didn't ask him too much about the night out as he was in such a state, but he's being very cagey about the whole night. I don't even know where they went, who exactly went and where they stayed. Should i demand answers or just let it lie?

Sinall

What exactly do you want to find out xmasfairy? Do you want to demand answers because you want him to fill in the blanks regarding the hours when you weren't with him, or do you think that something happened during those hours that you wouldn't be happy with?

If you generally have a happy, healthy relationship then demanding answers just makes you seem demanding! However, if you have had reason to doubt your boyfriend in the past then asking questions might be a good idea. I suppose it depends on the current state of your relationship (which we don't know much about) and whether you trust him.

ash23

Did he offer any explanation as to where he stayed?
I wouldn't be demanding to know where he went or what he did but I would expect an explanation of some sort as to where he stayed and why he didn't contact you to tell you he wasn't coming home.
I don't think thats too demanding at all.

LegacyUser

We had an argument last wknd but apart from that have a pretty good relationship. I was going through a bit of a rough time the past few weeks and was being a bit too clingy and we had words about it but everything was sorted. Anyway, i don't know if i'm just being paranoid and i should forget about it but for some reason i feel like something happened that he doesn't want me to know. I love him with all my heart and can see myself spending the rest of my life with him but i'm afraid that he might've cheated on saturday. I don't know whether to push the issue (and maybe find out something i wish i hadn't) or am i being silly by turning a blind eye

LegacyUser

Its either guilt from cheating or he was loved up because of E.

fend

Bringing it up now [Monday] in conversation with him will make him suspicious of what your thinking... It may or may not cause an argument but personally I would want to know where he stayed and why he didn't text or phone.

I recently had the same argument with my other half after I assumed he'd be home and left door unlocked only to find him straggling through the door the following morning. We had a MASSIVE blow out which looking back now I still maintain I was right by asking where the hell was he til the following morning.

Be clear that you don't care where he went or who he was with as long as he keeps in touch as to if he is or isn't coming home. This is logical. If you were married would this be acceptable behavior for a husband to clear off for the night without any explanation?? I don't think so.
If he's so serious about moving forward in the relationship, be clear that you want to be clued in to his friends and what hes up to, and that secrets are unacceptable. Especially when they involve putting these thoughts in your head.

LegacyUser

He needs to give you a believable explanation. You can't be in a cohabiting relationship with someone and come home at all hours without an adequate explanation, especially since it appears that he didn't contact you the whole time that he was out.

If his behaviour on his return was unusual for him (talking about the future, being over-affectionate) you are right to suspect that he cheated. Don't ignore your intuition. You know that something isn't right. Make him account for his whereabouts during his absence. If you let this go now, you are telling him that it is acceptable and it will only get worse in the future.

Kiera

You’re looking way too much into this. I used to be like this with my ex if I was hungover from a crazy night out. He just wants attention when he’s feeling fragile. Stop looking for signs that arent there.

Barracudaincork

Kiera wrote: »

You’re looking way too much into this. I used to be like this with my ex if I was hungover from a crazy night out. He just wants attention when he’s feeling fragile. Stop looking for signs that arent there.

Couldnt agree more, why is the worst assumed, when the explanation above could just as easily be the explanation.

IMO he is also a adult and doesnt have to account to you his whereabouts all the time, but then again i am different in the sense i dont think living with someone means they loose their independence and their ability to do what they want etc and visa versa of course.

McCABE1

She barely got an explanation from him, she doesnt even know where he stayed!! I think you're totally right to question him. I'd be up the walls if my OH didnt come home, not really regarding a cheating thing but more of a worry that he fell down drunk somewhere and ended up in hospital.
When you are in a commited relationship and living together, yes you do have to account to the other person. You cant just wander off for nights and not expect to have to give an explanation, have your OH up all night worrying and worse still having to post on some forum looking for advise cause she's still worrying !! If you dont want to answer to anyone, dont be in a relationship. Get the full story out of him or you'll drive yourself crazy!

Kiera

McCABE1 wrote: »

She barely got an explanation from him, she doesnt even know where he stayed!! I think you're totally right to question him. I'd be up the walls if my OH didnt come home, not really regarding a cheating thing but more of a worry that he fell down drunk somewhere and ended up in hospital.
When you are in a commited relationship and living together, yes you do have to account to the other person. You cant just wander off for nights and not expect to have to give an explanation, have your OH up all night worrying and worse still having to post on some forum looking for advise cause she's still worrying !! If you dont want to answer to anyone, dont be in a relationship. Get the full story out of him or you'll drive yourself crazy!

He was out with the lads. He stayed over. It is not a big deal. I lived with my ex and did this from time to time.

If she was that worried she should have said it on the day when he was all loved up. By saying it now it looks like she doesnt trust him.

Barracudaincork

McCABE1 wrote: »

She barely got an explanation from him, she doesnt even know where he stayed!! I think you're totally right to question him. I'd be up the walls if my OH didnt come home, not really regarding a cheating thing but more of a worry that he fell down drunk somewhere and ended up in hospital.
When you are in a commited relationship and living together, yes you do have to account to the other person. You cant just wander off for nights and not expect to have to give an explanation, have your OH up all night worrying and worse still having to post on some forum looking for advise cause she's still worrying !! If you dont want to answer to anyone, dont be in a relationship. Get the full story out of him or you'll drive yourself crazy!

The OP didnt say she was up all night with worry, she only noticed him missing in the morning.

Also if your OH ended up in hospital, i can assure you, you would hear about it very quickly as bad news always travels quicker than good.

I dont think the OP is saying she doesnt want to answer to someone, why are you telling her not to be in a relationship?

IMO up all night worrying about someone is far worse than having to post on a forum, but then again i am different to most.

opinion guy

OP, what do you mean by this:

but he's being very cagey about the whole night.

Elaborate please

scarymoon1

you say you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy yet when he goes out for a night and then he's affectionate with you - you immediately think he has cheated! Is he not normally affectionate with you??!