Love again?

extrinzic

I was going out with this girl for 4 years. When we met, I was seeing somebody else, but that relationship was seriously dysfunctional. Anyway, I met this girl, and fell head over heels. Now I’ll tell the truth, I always figured I would be a stand up guy, and not cheat. But the night I met this girl I would have cheated, if she had let me. Anyway, I dumped my girlfriend of the time, who had dumped me plenty before, but who was keeping count anyway. So, I’m chasing this girl, and lo and behold, I win her over, and we fall blissfully in love.. cute. So, she has loads of issues, and they magically disappear over the next few months, and I think we are made for each other because things have never been so good for either of us. We move in together, she wanted to. We find a poky flat, and have a wonderful time for three years. After a while, we have issue, she complains about the flat, all the usual crap women go on about. So, I am studding and flat broke, but not averse to appeasing her. However, when I have money, it’s not a good time for her because she going abroad without me, or some other thing that cannot be ignored. She became selfish like that, always suiting herself. She never made an effort with my family; she never made much of an effort about anything really. She just complained all the time, and told me that I wouldn’t understand the super complicated issues she has, because I am some sort of happy fool that will never be as deep as to experience true depression, bla la ba. Anyway, she get a job with a big faceless corporation, but she still deep and all, she just doesn’t express it and stuff, because she’s like deep in stuff. Anyway, she ****en dumped me, right in the middle of studying for my exams. I’m so ****in sickened that all I can think about is how much I’m going to miss her, and if she will be ok, because of her issues. So anyway, it turns out that she is going out with this jack ass from her company, and I’m so sick to hear this I could feel all kinds of base emotions humans are capable of. I mean, when you really are raw, you are raw, and boy was I raw. Now, I am getting better, but I’m bitter, really bitter. I can’t stand the thought of ever being venerable again. I mean, who in their right mind would ever put themselves in such a position. The other day I was walking down the street and I saw the two of them, Christmas shopping. Man, I hope they make each other miserable someday. Now, I know I dumped the previous girl, and the irony is not lost on me. I’m not really looking for advice, I’m just wondering if you have been through this kind of hate, and learned to love again.

Eve_Dublin

Short answer: yep. I hated my ex for a very long time for breaking my heart...but I got over it and am ready to love again. I think everyone genuinely dislikes the person who broke their heart, rejected them causing them to feel worthless and crappy and it takes a hell of a long time to get some hindsight and see that it was for the best in the end. In your situation, it sounds like it was but you're going through stage 2 of the grieving process....the anger/resentment stage. You've a bit of a way off yet to getting this girl out of your system but believe me, it will come OP. Hang in there.

LegacyUser

Just wanted to echo everything Eve_Dublin said, you can and will love again. Having had my heart broken by a girl I thought was the "one", I went through the same bitterness and anger that you're currently experiencing. My situation was different and the relationship a lot shorter but when the one you love tells you everything you want to hear and you trust them unconditionally, you're in a very vulnerable position if they haven't had the life and love experience to mean what they say as happened to me. It sucks to be the guy a girl cuts her teeth on.

Personally speaking I know I'm ready to move on, I started working with a girl who I get the butterflies around and she seems keen on me so I'm not gonna let the feeling go to waste. It won't be long before you're in a similar place yourself!

extrinzic

Thanks for the replies folks. I wonder, why would you take the risk? I mean, if people can change. If people can hide there intentions (such as never really being committed), if people can walk away from you after years of being there, why would you put your health, wealth and personal happiness on the line? I know you cant really give a definitive answer, but having been through what I have been through, it just doesn't seem like the sensible thing to do. It seems to me to be very reckless, to gamble on the future with a person you may never know.

Edit: I know I come across as a bitter person, which is true. I don’t mean to attack people’s dreams or anything. I just don’t know how I could ever be open to the possibility again.

Eve_Dublin

Is this your first broken heart OP?

I do hear what you're saying Entrinsic and it. I got my heart shattered to pieces just over 2 year ago and I felt very much like you. I was in a very bad way. A month before I met that ex I was going outand living with another guy for 2 and a half years (I broke his heart...karma I guess...a bit like your situation), so two serious relationships ended in the space of a year. I thought there was no point to love all, that love was futile. Age-old debate but this is my take on it.

I've made some very (seemingly) stupid decisions in the past regarding life choices but these were the decisions that lead me to have the most fun and grow some balls to cope with everything else life throws at me. Humans are simple being really, particularly when emotions are involved and we're not as clever as we like to think. We're like flies banging into a window repeatedly trying to get outside because we rarely learn from our mistakes if we had fun in the process but I believe a broken heart is different. I guess if we all sat down and reconsidered every choice we made in our lives, it would ALL seem futile and we'd probably commit mass suicide. Feck it OP, I like men, I like love and I like the intoxication of being in love....I'm happy enough being single right now but I recently met a guy who I like. I asked him can we take it slowly and he understands because he's had his heart shattered as well. His heart break has given him empathy and made him better at falling in love.

Living sensibly is not living. I went to a funeral of a brother of a friend of mine yesterday. He died in his early thirties but he lived in a totally different country with a completely different culture to ours, had a beautiful, wife that loved him and a little baby boy. Tick tick tick. He died a happy man because he took risks. It's not about quantity, it's about quality and OP, I promise you you'll never get hurt like this again. You'll learn from this and you'll become much wiser and a little warier because of it. These are the knocks and blows in life that shake you out of the monotony of everyday life and don't turn you into a soulless zombie down the line. No pleasure without a bit of pain and no appreciating the highs without the lows and all those cliches.

I promise you you'll get this kind of clarity and hindsight in time. Not to belittle your pain because I'm sure it's very real for you right now but you're going through the motions right now that everyone with a broken heart went through and like those stupid flies banging of the kitchen window repeatedly, you'll have a break and have another stab at it down the line. You'll be grand.

extrinzic

Thanks again Eve. I guess I can only be a fly on the wall for so long I have been in love before, and had my heart broken before. This time was different though, I really figured we had hit the jackpot. Looking back now, I know it wasn't perfect. I just had whitewashed most of the bad stuff cuz I was in love. Now it seems that was a very foolish thing to do. I’m glad you feel the way you do though.