Inexperienced

LegacyUser

I am 32 years old, never had a girlfriend. Never had sex, Never even kissed anyone.

Am I the only 1?

Life feels like it is passing me by so quickly. And I am missing out on a big chunk of it by 1) Never having being in a loving relationship, 2) Never having sexual "exchanges" with someone.

I am a coward. I am too scared to live. When I am out, I cannot get the courage to talk to a girl. The times that I do, then I dont know how I can go from talking to her to even asking for her number (Fear of rejection I guess). I am not a good looking guy so I dont have girls approach me in bars.

So, I dont want to go through the rest of my life like this - I want to live.

The question I ask you is, "How?"

poisonated

alright before I say anything,it's important to know that I am in no way an expert when it comes to women.
I will say that quite a lot of it is about confidence,judging from your post you seem to lack it.You need to have confidence before you can progress further.This may mean,going to the gym,gaining a lot of knowledge in a specific area or just plain faking it.Posture is very important.Keep eye contact,stand straight and try and take up room(this one,I will admit, is a little strange).These things show confidence.

mikemac

It's clear from your post you need to build your confidence. I'd be focusing more on this. Once you are happy and confident in yourself, attracting others will be a whole lot easier

If you don't like yourself, why would anyone else??
You don't need to answer that one

Set a goal. Hit the gym and build the body of your dreams or maybe achieve an exam you've put off for years and years. You have goals so do them.
Once you can do that you can plan the goal in your OP

LegacyUser

To answer your question, no you are not alone. I too have never had a girlfriend or had any sexual experience of any kind and I am few years older than you. Don't feel bad, you call yourself "a loser" and that you are "too scared to live".
I hate to hear anyone describe themselves like that. You must have a lot of qualities that will be attractive to the women. Some are good at talking to them, (yes I know, I hate those guys too). It's not easy, we are all born different and some are better at these things than others.
A good idea is to have a few drinks when you are out. Before people criticise me I am not suggesting you get blind drunk. Just a few to loosen yourself up. I did that the other night and it worked. I didn't get the girl but she seemed to like me at least a bit.
Making conversation is hard but don't be too hard on yourself, it's a two-way street. If you have something in common with who you are talking to it makes it a whole lot easier.
The more you experience in terms of travel, meeting people, doing things etc. the better you will get. I guarantee you you will surprise yourself one of these days.
I am not saying this to make you feel better, it is true. I am absolutely hopeless when it comes to women but I have got better. It all depends on who you meet, your sense of humour might appeal to one girl but not to another.
As for asking for their number, I have never asked a girl for her number in my life. Guys who do are generally super-confident, bordering on arrogant. It makes no odds to them if they don't get it, if she says "no" they will have forgotten about it two minutes later and moved onto someone else.
Work on the little things. As the other op said, appearance is important. Try and keep in shape and dress well, have a smile and be polite. Btw, it's unrealistic to expect to hit it off with a girl two minutes after meeting her. Approaching women in pubs and clubs and pulling them straight away is pretty rare (I think anyway. others may correct me on this).
All the best mate and for God's sake don't be running yourself down all the time.

Fiend-Foe

JeffBuckley wrote: »

you call yourself "a loser" and that you are "too scared to live". I hate to hear anyone describe themselves like that.

Dunno where you're getting that from. Can't see the word 'loser' anywhere in the OP.

Like said above, you must work on your confidence before you will get anywhere.

Sir Ophiuchus

If you have difficulties with self-confidence and are upset and afraid of life passing you by, I'd recommend having a chat with a counselor. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, but it can often be a great way to just put things in perspective and figure out where you are. Also, many work on a sliding-fee scale if money's an issue. You can find one here: http://www.irish-counselling.ie

I'm not saying that purely being a virgin at your age is a big deal, but it's how you feel about it and yourself that is the bigger thing. I'd talk to someone and make a start on changing that.

LegacyUser

JeffBuckley wrote: »

As for asking for their number, I have never asked a girl for her number in my life. Guys who do are generally super-confident, bordering on arrogant.

This isn't true at all!! My lovely kind boyfriend asked for my telephone number, he's a quiet guy but he still did it, and it took a lot of courage.

Yes it takes a lot of nerve to ask a person out but it's sooo worth it once you pluck up the courage. I've asked guys out in the past, and they've said no. It's like being turned down for a job interview, you feel bummed at first, but then you pick yourself up and carry on.

Have you tried singles nights, internet dating or things like that OP? It might put you at your ease to put yourself in a situation where you can meet other people who are looking for the same things. Bars can be loud and intimidating, with girls in groups that you cannot break into. Defo look into specific singles events.

Buy a new outfit, bring a wingman and a nice bit of aftershave goes a long way. Don't try to force conversation or put on an act. I for one like guys who are on the quieter side, hate arrogance!!

I acknowledge that the fear of rejection can be crippling for some people, but practice makes perfect!

Fiend-Foe

JeffBuckley wrote: »

As for asking for their number, I have never asked a girl for her number in my life. Guys who do are generally super-confident, bordering on arrogant. It makes no odds to them if they don't get it, if she says "no" they will have forgotten about it two minutes later and moved onto someone else.

Just how exactly to you suppose people get together then?? If you meet someone and would like to see them again you will either have to ask for their number or give them yours.

Maybe this is why you are having problems finding a woman, if you want to see them again you will need to be able to contact them.

Wibbs

OksanaLV Ehhh lets not come out with comments like tha please. That is NOT helpful advice and it's about as useful as telling a depressed person to pull themselves together. I would suggest you read the charter of this forum and hang around here for a while before posting something like that. Your post has been deleted.

Wibbs

32yearold wrote: »

I am 32 years old, never had a girlfriend. Never had sex, Never even kissed anyone.

Am I the only 1?

Nope I can think of about 5 guys very similar off the top of my head.

Life feels like it is passing me by so quickly. And I am missing out on a big chunk of it by 1) Never having being in a loving relationship, 2) Never having sexual "exchanges" with someone.

OK yes life has passed you by in this regard so far, but no point worrying over what's passed, the future can be different. One of those guys I referenced before who hadn't said boo to a woman at nearly 30, had a few relationships in his 30's and now is married with a child on the way at 38.

I am a coward. I am too scared to live.

If this is the only part of your life like this then that's one thing, but is the rest of your life affected in the same way? A general social anxiety thing? If so, a counselor would be a good idea as they would give you the tools to break this cycle and feedback loop.

When I am out, I cannot get the courage to talk to a girl. The times that I do, then I dont know how I can go from talking to her to even asking for her number (Fear of rejection I guess).

Well first thing. Take baby steps. Forget trying to get anything from women for a while. Just get used to talking to them. They won't bite for the most part and if they do give you the cld shoulder, well.... Look at it this way, they'll have gotten the cold shoulder themselves at some point in their lives. At some point in their lives a guy has though "oh god not her again". We all get rejected to some degree or other in all sorts of ways. Its part of life. Pain in the bum if you're sensitive to it but it is what it is. There are billions of women in the world. Pulling a figure out of my arse there's probably half a million would like you. The odds are in your favour. Especially in your 30's as a man. You'll be dealing with a bigger range of women than you did in your 20's and women in their 30's are a different ballgame for the most part. More mature for a start and friendlier.

I am not a good looking guy so I dont have girls approach me in bars.

Hell 90+% of guys don't get approached in bars. Nature of the beast really. Unless you sit in the corner looking like George Clooney while licking your eyebrows.

So firstly, don't rail against this and do nothing. Accept this and do something.

So, I dont want to go through the rest of my life like this - I want to live.

The question I ask you is, "How?"

Start small. Forget about picking women up. Talk to as many women as you can each day. Small talk kinda thing, with no more pressure than that. If you do find yourself getting somewhere after a while of doing that then don't over do it. Don't be pushy, but dont wait either. If you want to ask her out, well then ask her out. I know, I know it sounds like a big mountain to climb and the first few times it will be, but that mountain will get smaller and smaller and smaller.

If you have this general anxiety, then maybe consider some counseling to help that in a general way.

midlandsmissus

32yearold wrote: »

I am 32 years old, never had a girlfriend. Never had sex, Never even kissed anyone.

Am I the only 1?

Life feels like it is passing me by so quickly. And I am missing out on a big chunk of it by 1) Never having being in a loving relationship, 2) Never having sexual "exchanges" with someone.

I am a coward. I am too scared to live. When I am out, I cannot get the courage to talk to a girl. The times that I do, then I dont know how I can go from talking to her to even asking for her number (Fear of rejection I guess). I am not a good looking guy so I dont have girls approach me in bars.

So, I dont want to go through the rest of my life like this - I want to live.

The question I ask you is, "How?"

Hi,the cool thing here is you want to change, that's a big step. I know people who say 'I'll never be able to get a girlfriend and that's it'. They are in such a state of mind that they don't want to/can't change their habits.

You want to change which is great.

First off, being 32 and never having had sex is NOT strange. I was 22 before I had sex, I'm in my mid twenties now, and I've still only slept with 2 people. People start at all different ages. Don't stress about it. I built it up to be this really big thing in my head, it's not. Once you've it done, you'll be wondering what were you worrying about!

As for approaching girls, don't think you're the only one, EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE is shy when it comes to this. Men and women. But just think - it won't kill you if she says no, it doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you're not the exact type of guy she likes, pick yourself up and go for it again.

Just think about this, every single one of us has had out heart broken at one point, and I'm glad I did, because it was a great lesson.

I think missing out on the best thing in life - love, is a million times more scary than any potential knockback could ever be. If you don't get out there and try you'll regret it.

Work on your own confidence first - think about all the good things you do, and why you are a good person. When you start to like yourself, you will find it alot easier to approach other people.

Good luck and take a few chances!!

Wibbs

fonecrusher1 if you had read this thread you would have noted this was dealt with. Your post has been deleted.

Thinking about it more so has the rightfully contentious post as it adds nothing.

__plec__

I am a coward. I am too scared to live. When I am out, I cannot get the courage to talk to a girl. The times that I do, then I dont know how I can go from talking to her to even asking for her number (Fear of rejection I guess). I am not a good looking guy so I dont have girls approach me in bars.

.

I think that paragraph is where your problem lies.If you tell yourself something enough,then you will start to believe in it,so even by writing that out your are just reinforcing your negative view on yourself.

Sorry,i know its a very easy thing to say,but i think thats what you should focus on,the more comfortable you becaome with yourself,then the rest falls into place.If you're unsure about yourself,then it will come across that way,I was in a similar situation to yours,and would beat myself up about it (which only made my situation worse).

Go out and buy 'the secret' on dvd, hopefully that could be the start to a more positive outlook.I went down many paths before i found what was right for me.If you'd like to know just give me an email if you'd like any recomendations.

Chin up

LegacyUser

I'm 38 and single a few months, tried internet dating and met a guy who was 38 but had never been in a relationship. Actually had been in one in his 20's but I dont think he had really.
Now I have to say that the fact that he was 38 and never been in a relationship didn't bother me, but lots of things about him did actually bother - and I think they bothered me because he didnt know how to act because of his complete lack of experience around women so I am going to offer some advice, get out there on the internet and set up some dates. Women will love you as you seem like a lovely guy who's time it is to get out there and have some fun, but here is my advice....

1. Be honest - When you meet someome say you don't have much experience but that you are ready for a relationship. In our 30's I think most of us are looking for a relationship not just a fling (i know i will be critisised for this but most women in their 30's are looking t settle down at some stage)

2. Be open - Be open for a relationship. Don't quesion if the girl is everything you want, or if she is right for you long term just go for it! Even though we are looking for something significant, not all dates or seeing someone turns into something

3. Be keen - Text her nice things, tell her you are looking forward to seeing her, tell her she looks beautiful when u meet ....BUT....if you tell her these mean them, dont just say them cause u think you have to. Actually mean them.

4. Intimacy - Say you haven't had much practice and would like to take things slow. Most women will be relieved that you want to take things slow. But then be open (again) about moing the relationship to the next level. Start slow. If you tell her you dont really know what to do and ask if she can take the lead then I'm sure she will be more than happy to do so. For gods sake dont do what this guy did which was jam my hand down his trousers and say 'oh wow'..... she will touch you when she wants to and is ready to and likewise it will feel natural to you to do the same.

5. Be confident - ok so you say you are not confident but you haven't gotten to 30's by avoiding people altogether so I would say that you are at least confident enough to speak in your own social circle. So apply that to this situation and be confident about speaking to her. But be mindful of the conversations you have. Telling me on one of our first dates that he had been circumsised in secret without his siblings ever knowing when he was 20 over dinner was something that was in my opinion inappropriate at the time. There is a time and place for everything. And why at 20 was it a secret. It set off alarm bells. Also implying that I was on the dole as I am not currently working was another big no no. He hinted at it so much before expressely saying it that I knew it was an issue for him. Noone likes to be wrongly accused of being a freeloader. So think before you speak

6. Smile, laugh and enjoy the lovely feeling that it is to have someone to think of an brighten your day. The first flush of romance is a lovley lovely feeling whatever your age.

Best of luck, I really hope you meet someone lovely who will appreciate. Dont know if any of this will help

outspann

As I get older - and I'm older than you OP - I become more and more convinced that life can all be viewed as a series of statistics and probabilities.

Okay, not wanting to get all mathematical, but the truth of it is that there are 6 billion people on this planet. If you're more attractive, funnier, richer - then a larger number of those six billion will like you. BUT ALSO! I firmly believe that no matter who you are, what you look like or how you sound - somebody in that six billion will find you cute, or entertaining, or interesting. There are dozens of people out there for you. You might not find them first time you try. You might not find them tenth time. But they're there.

It's like having people as friends. Sometimes you like someones company. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes they like you, sometimes they don't. We all seem so different, and yet out there there's plenty of people who are just like you.

Everybody's different. If we all only liked one flavour of ice cream, then HB would only have to produce Vanilla. But they produce hundreds of flavours - I hate strawberry, but for some reason crazy people keep eating it.

Nobody's life is meaningless. Just keep tasting the next flavour. You may not like it, but hey! sooner or later you'll find one you DO like. That's probability!

LegacyUser

Listen mate at this stage you got to do something drastic. Some girls go absolutely crazy for muscle bound guys and I reckon joining the gym could be a way for you to have an edge over other guys. Now anyone who knows anything about the gym knows you dont just get muscles after a few months or even spectacularly big ones after a few years but SNIP Removed reference to drug use. Get fit and athletic and already you have a serious advantage.

I know this sounds gay but go to sun beds, get tanned. You might consider yourself ugly but with a muscle built body and a nice tan this will be overlooked.

Then finish off with some very trendy clothes. Go into a shop and ask them for help.

So get the iron body, the tan and the clothes and thats your appearance sorted.
- It actually IS that easy.


Now you have to work on your confidence. Do this by repeating in your head ''IM 32, I AM RUNNING OUT OF TIME, I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN'' and you will start to realize that the fear of rejection is ridiculous. who cares if someone rejects you in all liklihood you'll never see them again!