Ex's new girlfriend

LegacyUser

Going long time reg, going unreg for this. I have a previous post which I cannot find.

Here is what's been going on.
I had a long term relationship with this guy and he broke up with me in July this year. I was devastated. I still was very much in love with him. I have had my moments when I would cry over what had happened. We had been so long together, he told me I knew him better than any of his family, friends or his one and his other long term ex partner. We had great similarities and wanted the same things out of life.

We have remained friends and things seemed ok. Now, I know what you may say that I want to get back with him. NO, cos he dumped me and I do not want to go down the road again with him in that way and we have always been friends, even before we went out with one another.

Now only a few days ago, he told me that he had met somebody and he gets on really well with them. I was shocked but I told him that I was happy for him. What else could I do or say?!

Here is the thing, only the other day does he tell me ( no I didn't ask him ) what she is like and I was shocked :O she sounds similar to me, her name sounds nearly like mine, my hair colour, the money I earn, her daughter has almost the same sounding name as my own daughter and a number of other things!! She is like me but not me and it really hurt me to hear this. He also told me he met her 2 months ago on a dating website!

I thought, in my opinion, how quick he was to move on and meet someone, when here I am still trying to pick up my life and although I have been doing things and making changes, I feel that I have now, no place in his life, even as a friend.

One of the things that hurt me too to hear was for all the time I was with him when it came to Christmas, I had always asked him, why does he not put up a christmas tree. He said he had no room and now since he got the dining room done up, he is putting a christmas tree up, (for the first time in 8 or 9 years, he said). That hurt me cos it was always something I had wanted to see in his house and it would have been great but I will never see it and I know it is such a small thing but that is what I had wished for him to do and he has,,without me.

Sorry this is so long, but I would like to know, what you think about his new girlfriend and how do I cope with all of this.

dsmythy

You pre-empted the suggestion that you want to be with him again but your entire post seems to reveal you are far from over him. You are his friend. What he does with his new girlfriend that he may not have done with you has nothing to do with you. If it troubles you thinking about what he is doing with his new girlfriend then perhaps you should cut the friendship for your own happiness.

Eve_Dublin

OP, in fairness now, the similarities between yourself and this new girlfriend are hardly uncanny. Do you really think he went out there to track down a girl with a daughter that sounded a bit like your daughters name??? Do you think the name of your daughter, the sound of your own name, your hair colour and your salary is what did it for him when he went out with you?


As the poster above, you're most definitely not over him. You can't stay friends with an ex who broke your heart. Sad fact of reality but a fact all the same. Don't drive yourself demented over this, OP. Cut contact.

tbh

he's on the rebound - you're better off where you are. You don't believe me, but you will.

WellyJ

You can't be and shouldn't be friends with him. Move on.

LegacyUser

Why is he telling you her salary? Not very admirable in my book to be blabbling someone's personal info.

OP, i do think you are looking for reasons he may not be over you and its prob just a co-incidence that there are a number of similarities.. They do say we all have a type afterall.

You dont sound over him and the only thing you can really do is move on and stop being his friend especially when it hurts you so much

LegacyUser

1223333 wrote: »

Why is he telling you her salary? Not very admirable in my book to be blabbling someone's personal info.

he may have just told her what she does for a living. it's easy to figure out a salary from that.

OP, i'm in a similar situation expect i am the ex-bf. i met a new woman only a month after finishing a very long relationship, there were no kids involved and we weren't married. i had hoped that i could stay on good terms to some degree with my ex but when she found out about the new woman in my life she cut all contact. it's probably for the best for everyone involved, you, him, and the new woman to just leave it be and not hurt yourself any further.

5 months is hardly that short a time. My ex was with his new girlfriend within a week of us breaking up. THAT is fast. As for her sounding like you, well, people often have types. All my ex's girlfriends were brown eyed brunettes, middle class, spoke several languages, liked to travel....... I find it weird because no two people I've dated have been remotely alike, but it's not uncommon.

iheartny

Im sorry to hear about your situation.
To be honest I don't think, at this moment in time, putting on a brave face to remain friends is really a good thing for you. You're clearly still trying to get over your ex whilst come to terms with the fact that he's already found someone else and making new memories with her....you're not being fair to yourself.
Saving face is important for one's pride I understand that but why not just keep contact to a minimum until you're stronger in yourself. Time is a great healer and who knows, in 6 months you might be fine listening to him spout about his happiness but for now, I think you can do without it.

By comparing yourself to his new partner it sounds like you're asking yourself, 'well if we're so alike why did he ends things with me?', in which case you might just need closure on the whole thing.

That hurt me cos it was always something I had wanted to see in his house and it would have been great but I will never see it and I know it is such a small thing but that is what I had wished for him to do and he has,,without me.

It's a really upsetting situation and I think from what you say here you just need time to come to terms with things still. Especially after just finding out he's got a new partner. When you're ready you'll meet someone new and it'll be history but for now just try and focus on yourself and what's important to you and go out and meet new people (maybe join a club, society or lend your time to a charity). All easier said and done. Some people adjust to a break up really quickly and others take months and months - I don't think it's always the case that this means the one who moves on quicker cared for the other any less either.

As my mother always said to me...it's his loss. So annoying to hear at the time but so very true ) Good luck and keep your chin up. x

LegacyUser

Thank you to all who have sent a reply and thanks iheartny for your encouraging words.

It has been really tough on me since the break up cos I had never been without him, he was always there seeing each other, ringing me etc, he was always there at the drop of a hat and we were part of each others everyday and more. We had a very close friendship and were great friends before we ever went out. He was even as a friend always there for me, but now everything is different, he has not been in contact with me much and even though he said he wanted us to remain friends, I just feel like we are not.

I am being honest when I say I do miss him and I have been crying tonight and got sick because of it. It just really hurts. He doesn't know how I feel and the reason for this is...I told him that I had met someone ( I lied ) I had too...I didn't want to be seen as someone who was still pining for him, he seemed ok with it but at the same time, here I am still stuck in the place he left me at, worse...I am reminded of him a lot everyday and the only peace I get is when I sleep at night. I know it all sounds bad and desperate etc but I suppose I am mourning the loss of the lovely relationship I had with him.

I just wish these feelings for him would just go away and I can have some peace of mind

shellyboo

The feelings will go away when he does. You can't get over someone who's still in your life. Take a break from the friendship, it's not doing you any good.

He's moved on, now you need to. You said you don't want to be seen as pining over him - so don't pine over him!

Ickle Magoo

I agree with Shellyboo, I think the only way to truly get over your romantic relationship is to stop having a relationship with him - even as friends. Every day you spend in his company you are reminded of what you had and what you will miss in real-life technicolor. You are better off reminiscing from the memories and it will be much easier coming to terms in with the fact he will no longer be in your life in that capacity in your own time & own way, if you do not have to see or hear how he is moving on. Best of luck.

dudara

I have to echo a lot of the sentiment here and tell you to cease contact with the man. You might resume your friendship in the future, but right now you need to go cold turkey.