Giving it up

LegacyUser

Hello,

I have a serious alcohol problem. It's not that I'm dependent on alcohol but rather that when I get going of a night I cannot stop. If there are two bottles of vodka in the house I will end up drinking both of them until there's not a drop left. I often go out for a night with my friends and we have a good few pints and when we get abck to the house I'll often keep drinking instead of sobering up or going to bed. I cannot help it.
The next morning, apart from the hangover/sick feeling, I experience serious depression and become very unresponsive to anything and usually don't eat or go to work or do anything basically. Often I get pains in my stomach and sides after these binges and although I promise myself I'll never do it again, it happenes week after week.

I wouldn't mind but the odd weeks that I do stay sober I have the best time of my life. I go to the gym, play football, swim etc. But usually it takes up to a week or two to recover from the binges.

I am sober a week today now after a desperate binge last week of which i can remember very little. I really want to stay sober but there's a big event on monday where drink will be flowing and I don't know if I'll be able to resist the temptation. What should I do? Thank you.

Kevster

Hi,

The first thing I guess is to accept that you have this problem (which you seem to have done by coming here). The second thing is to then find the right outlets for talking about this problem. For example, here is a reasonable place for support, but you could also go to a group (eg ALANON) where you would be surrounded by people with similar problems. There's an ALANON group in the D8 area as far as I know, but they should be all across the city too.

You could view all of this as a cycle too. I mean, you've already described the pattern of behaviour that leads you to drinking so much, so the 'trick' is to get out of this cycle and get your brain thinking differently. This could be something as simple as going out with different friends, for example, or simply learning to say 'NO' (when offered to drink). When you think about it, so many people are afraid to say 'no' to such offers, but when you get to a level where you can say it, it is a liberating feeling.

Kevin

St James

Agree with Kevster.

You accept you have a problem and you get help. AA is your best shot. You eill get support from people in similar circumstances, who are ordinary folk living in your community. That way, help is always hear at hand.

LegacyUser

I think I've the same problem, and tbh an awful lot of people I know and have just met in passing have it too.

It forms in the first few years of drinking, and I don't think you can ever recover from it. Think of it like a fat person who constantly eats too much. You or me would just at some stage be full and think "The last thing I want is more food" but they don't get that feeling. It's the same with normal drinkers, at some point they will think "Ugh, I couldn't possibly have another drop". I'll go until I pass out.

You have to make a decision whether to stop now or risk being like that forever. BTW, pains in the lower right side under your ribs can be your liver/pancreas, so be careful.

Kevster

My apologies to the OP - I showed my 'dublin-centered' mind by only mentioning ALANON in relation to Dublin (and I even moved away from Dublin a few months ago!). ALANON are located all across the country, and indeed the world.

mazcon

Kevster wrote: »

Hi,

The first thing I guess is to accept that you have this problem (which you seem to have done by coming here). The second thing is to then find the right outlets for talking about this problem. For example, here is a reasonable place for support, but you could also go to a group (eg ALANON) where you would be surrounded by people with similar problems. There's an ALANON group in the D8 area as far as I know, but they should be all across the city too.

You could view all of this as a cycle too. I mean, you've already described the pattern of behaviour that leads you to drinking so much, so the 'trick' is to get out of this cycle and get your brain thinking differently. This could be something as simple as going out with different friends, for example, or simply learning to say 'NO' (when offered to drink). When you think about it, so many people are afraid to say 'no' to such offers, but when you get to a level where you can say it, it is a liberating feeling.

Kevin

Alanon is actually for families and friends who are affected by someone else's drinking. AA is the place for people who have a drinking problem themselves.
OP the inability to stop drinking once you have started is a real danger sign for alcoholism. A lot of alcoholics can go for weeks or even months at a time without drinking, but once they start they can't stop. This is one of the things that separates social drinkers from problem drinkers. Well done on taking the first step and asking for help, I hope you can get the help you need to stay sober. Take care.

Kevster

mazcon wrote: »

Alanon is actually for families and friends who are affected by someone else's drinking.

That's not true from my experience (regarding ALANON).

amdublin

If you can get through this event you will feel stronger and can continue to build on your resolve from there.

I know you can do it. You have a week behind you already. Well done, you should be proud of yourself for that.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Sober nearly a week and a half now and feeling much the better for it emotionally although still suffering phsyically from the last binge (that's how bad they are). The reason I want to stop is for my health obviously but also for my family's sake. My parents are paying for my way through university and I'm determined to pay dividends on their investment in me. I've lsot track of the amount of lectures I've missed because I've been physically unable to leave my bedroom but I hope to get back on track this week and continue on from there after Christmas. I really wish I could drink in moderation and had done that from the beginning but something just ticks when I start to drink alcohol. I think it's safer for both myself and my loved ones if I give up completely. This week will be an incredible test as all my friends and pretty much everyone else will be drinking continously. However, I am determined and will occupy myself with other activites I enjoy.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll keep you updated on my progress this week. I hope I can do it. I really do.

mazcon

Kevster wrote: »

That's not true from my experience (regarding ALANON).

Sorry to go off topic here but Alanon IS the support group for people affected by someone else's drinking. One of it's traditions states that the only requirement for membership is the problem of alcoholism in a family member or friend. It is totally based around the principle that changed attitudes in one person can be a force of change in the whole family. Of course there may be alcoholics among it's membership,as it stands to reason that alcoholics may also be affected by another person's drinking but its primary purpose is to help families and friends of problem drinkers. Someone like the op, who is newly sober, will not find much identification with people at an Alanon meeting because unless they have had similar struggles they won't get where he is coming from in the same way an AA member would.
This is from the Alanon website:



Who are the members of Al-Anon and Alateen?

Al-Anon and Alateen members are people just like you and me–people who have been affected by someone else's drinking. They are parents, children, spouses, partners, brothers, sisters, other family members, friends, employers, employees, and coworkers of alcoholics. No matter what our specific experience has been we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been affected by someone else's drinking.

Tradition 5

Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.

Again, sorry to go off topic, but I feel it is an important distinction for the op at this stage...he really needs the help of fellow drinkers to get him on the road to recovery.

bohsboy

You sound exactly like me mate.

Im 34 and did exactly what you're doing for most of my twenties and early thirties. I suffered blackouts and was'nt sure if I did what the horrific flashbacks were suggesting. Any trouble Ive ever been in throughout my life has been caused by alcohol and I've done some really stupid and irresponsible things.

Im six months off it now and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. There are a couple of non-alcoholic beers that you can pour into a glass if you feel odd about not drinking when out with your mates. Maybe go to your GP for help, you'll be surprised. I guarantee after a couple of weeks off the binges you'll say it was the best move you ever made.

Good luck

Gadfly

Problem Drinker wrote: »

I wouldn't mind but the odd weeks that I do stay sober I have the best time of my life. I go to the gym, play football, swim etc. But usually it takes up to a week or two to recover from the binges.

I think you have answered your own question.

I am 18 years sober and I can tell you it's the best decision I've ever made.

If you do decide to quit, your life will change but in a good way and it will take time to adjust.

I wish you well.

query08

Well done for seeking help. My father is a functioning alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. He doesnt need to drink everyday, and still holds down his job, but when he starts drinking there is no stopping him. It started like you have explained with particular nights where there would be no end to the drink he would consume, but then moved onto serious bouts of drinking, where every free night he had would be consumed with drinking to excess. He goes through phases, and sometimes goes through a "dry" patch - where he can manage to stop drinkiing after a couple of drinks - however these are rare

I know the effect it can have on the family, it has been very tough to say the least. I only wish he would realise his issue and seek help also.
You have recieved some very positive support from people for your query, and that just shows the support that is out there

Well done and keep it going!!

antiskeptic

problem Drinker wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Sober nearly a week and a half now and feeling much the better for it emotionally although still suffering phsyically from the last binge..


Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll keep you updated on my progress this week. I hope I can do it. I really do.

Not wishing to put the mockers on it but writing this in case - so that it will better strike home.. in case.

-

The motivation you have for quitting is precisely the same motivation smokers have they they decide to quit: worry about health, guilt over the effect on loved ones, the fear of being addicted, the hacking coughs, the relentless need to feed the monster within....

And so they quit. And the nasty symptoms and worries soon disappear - which were the very things that's powered the motivation to quit. But the reasons why they smoked are still there (major psychological addiction + less important physical addiction .. to nicotine) and the willpower that has gotten them that far starts to fade and the temptation/opportuity comes along again - as it surely must: seeing as nothing has been tackled fundamentally..

And so back they go. And the downward spiral continues. Smoking, like drinking, is a trap. A very successful trap. And there is no such thing as sucessful trap which:

a) reveals itself to be a trap

b) makes the escape route from it's clutches self-evident.

You currently have a problem with drink and your willpowered driven attempt to quit isn't dealing with the reason why you have a problem with drink. You could go to AA. You could read Alan Carr's book on the subject (which applies his highly successful method for dealing with smoking addiction to the drink addiction problem) which takes a quite different approach to the AA route.

I hope you succeed in escaping the trap (and it's easier to do that when you're skirting the edges of it, harder when you've spiralled down a few levels.

God bless

estar

i found AA very very good. will power doesnt work but what does is accepting that you have a problem with alcohol, that it doesnt suit you and that you can never drink again. once you accept this on a deep level on a daily basis at first, and then weekly or monthly or whenever, it becomes easier and easier, although you can never be complacent. you are a person who shouldnt drink at all. i think of it as an allergy. a few drinks relax some people. they make me go mental. i have given up for some time now, and my life has just gotten better and better. i have no personal issues now because i gave it up. i wish you the peace that i have found.it is out there for you.

LegacyUser

OP you seem to have overcome the biggest problem and that is admitting you have a problem and need to get yourself sorted. That wasn't easy, so fair play. Hope you can ride this one out.

I am coming from a totally different angle, I still drink but do so in moderation these days due to the horrific anxiety and depression the binges used to cause me. Now I am happy with 3 pints or so on a night out.

The biggest problem I have found is if you decide to not drink on a night that usually people get p155ed at (like a wedding or whatever) it's being waved in your face, and not only that, but people are giving you stick for not drinking! What is it about this country eh?

I don't know how you'll get around that but that's what i found worst when I knocked it on the head for a while.