getting over an ex

LegacyUser

ok, another ex story - apologies to everyone...

broke up with ex over a year ago, she finished it after 5 years together. had previous gf's, short term things, but this girl was the first girl i've ever properly loved....really did think the world of her. found the break up very hard and dealing with it all has been tough, i really didnt want to lose her. we dont keep in contact now cause i found it too hard and last i heard she had a new bf.

anyway, i really want to move on but the thought of her is affecting any potential i have for a new relationship. i've been with a few women since we have broken up, but when i am with them all i can think about is my ex. and unfotunatly, none of the girls come close to what she was like. all the qualities my ex had where exactly what i would look for in a partner, she was very stunning, smart, very witty and a best friend who understood me. To be honest, people said i was scoring a girl out of my league when i was with her, i didnt believe it for a second when i was with her, now i am starting to think i did.

so now any women i do have a chance with, i dont find them as attractive as her or can't imagine i'd ever have the closeness and a best friend like i did with her. i'm giving myself no chance but i cant stop those feelings when it happens. worse still, recently i was lying in bed with a girl i had met and as we were having sex the only thought in my head was i wish i was with my ex and not this girl. talk about not being fair to the other person when i am having thoughts like that....and i hate it!!!

maybe it is the whole, first love is the hardest to get over etc....but i am 27 now, i really want a new relationship but i still really miss my ex and hate that it all ended between us. thoughts anyone?

magneticimpulse

i know exactly how you feel. i tried so hard with getting professional help. its really difficult. you have been great in not contacting her. thats definitely number 1. you just have to be optimistic. before you met her you never you would meet someone as great as her. so now its the same, you will meet someone who is fantastic you just dont know her yet.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same boat, pretty much exactly what you described. I can't give any answers - i thought by now I'd be over him and true, I'm a lot better, I have a lot going on in my life and good friends and I'm not in bits over it, I've healed a lot. But still, almost every day I think of him and get angry/sad. Sometimes i play back the last scene of our breakup, and it was a tough long drawn out one, so there's a lot of messy feelings over our past that I'm still dealing with. My best friend has given me the advice that it'll take a while to get over it, and I know it'll get to the stage where I'm a lot better, as time passes, it's inevitable. but i don't think I'll stop loving him, ever, and I dont' think I'll love someone the way I did with him, I don't think I could get so vulnerable after the pain of the last year. I tried casual things with guys a few times, but I was hurting myself/not helping so I've stopped for now. I dont know whats better - having someone to fool around with/take ur mind of things, but still it always comes back to the ex, or staying alone, and still thinking of them. but at least the former doesn't hurt anyone else. I hope we find peace soon, because it's driving me mad that i'm still hurting so much and can't fix it.

LegacyUser

op here....

see i don't know what to do, i feel that until i get with someone else, i will never be able to move on properly and stop thinking about the ex so much as my thoughts will be concentrating on my new gf. on the other hand though, everytime i do meet someone i cant stop myself thinking this girl doesn't compare to the ex. I'm doing everything that people would suggest, not desperatly looking for someone, judge people on their own merits etc etc...but i cant stop my mind from comparing them to my ex.

all of this is making me terribly sad, i see friends starting to get married/engaged/getting places together and i want that, i want to share my life with someone, just feel i've let the person go who i really felt was the right person. like i said though, she has been the only girl i ever really loved, maybe that is why i'm still struggling to get over the break up

do people think that getting over the first love is the toughest?

LegacyUser

Op, People do get thru this. It does take time and everyone's story will be different. Your story was so familar. I had 15 years of who I always felt was the 1 to get over. I went thru all those feeling of being unfair to any woman I was with and it really got to me. So and this may sound daft but I took myself a short term vow of celibacy (I wont say how long as again everyone is different).It was not easy but in the end when I met the right person to brake it with I had no thoughts of anyone else. Keep your head up and you will get thru this