Bad mouthing - how to counteract it

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I'm looking for some advise. I'm working in a company with a particulary nasty individual. I've found out that he has been bad mouthing me. I got on well with this person before I discovered this. From what I can see he is using it as a way to build rapport and friendship with other people and in particular women. Character assassination is probably the best way to describe it. I was very surprised when I found out, but also quite angry.

Unfortunately some people seem to be accepting the lies, exaggeration and general bad mouthing as fact. The end result of this is that friendships that I have with two of the people that he has been bad mouthing me to have deteriorated.

I'm really not sure how to deal with this. If I confront the guy or bring it up with my colleagues it may look like I am paranoid and the end result may be that the situation gets worse. On the other I don't like to see people like this getting away it. Any sugesttions?

You don;t have to worry about payback, these type of people will do a much better job of it to themselves longterm.

If you just carry on and be yourself, eventually anyone with half a brain will see that it was nonsense.
He has done you a favour by exposing the fickle nature and stupidity of these two "friends"

Das Kitty

My policy with this type of thing is to ignore it for the most part, your reputation is built on your own actions and bad mouthing can't damage it longterm. Definitely don't go tit for tat on it.

If it were me I'd get the perpretrator alone and just mention that you know what they're saying and leave it at that. Those kind of people are usually complete cowards and just telling them you know can be enough to shut them up.

If "friends" believe the BS that's their loss.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I agree with what both of you have said and I think I'll take your advice.

It's just very hard for me to accept that people that I got on so well with have been influenced by the nastiness of this guy. I'm annoyed that they can't see through his tactics. I'm in my thirties, and I've never come across such a calculated and manipulating person.

I can't get my head around his motives. He has a long term girlfriend, so it's not as if he is pursuing these women. The conclusion that I'm coming to is that he wants to be seen as the charming funny guy that all the desirable women love to be around. He goes out of his way to entertain them and basically be their lap dog. If he sees any guy that he perceives as "competition" for their attention he starts the character assassination. He seems to have mastered this because everyone appears to like him. It's funny cause we were at his birthday party last year and it was the first time we all got to meet his gf. All the guys were surprised that she was not super hot. In fact she was less than a plain Jane. That got me thinking that this guy has some real self-esteem issues and is using the relationships that he has with the attractive women in work as a way of boosting his ego.

It's all quite sad really, but unfortunately I seem to be one of the victims of his behaviour. But what can I do? Eventually some people will see through his tactics, maybe in a few weeks or maybe in a few years. But, I've moved to another department in work recently and the good friendships I had with the people I work with now seem irreparable. It's so frustrating.........