no sex life with g/f

LegacyUser

i was just reading another post about a similar situation but this is the opposite, my girlfriend doesnt seem to want to have sex with me. its got to the stage that its once a month or twice if im lucky. when we do have sex im always the one who initiates it too. we've been going out over a year and live together, the sex was really good at the start but not anymore, when we do have sex its the same all the time, in the bed, lights off and me on top. we've never had sex outside the bedroom.

i just dont know what it is anymore, i compliment her whenever i can, she enjoys the sex, shes cums everytime and she isnt faking it, i thought any girl would be happy with that?????

the lack of sex has started my eyes to wander too which i feel horrible about but i cant help it. iv tried talking about it and she said we should try mak emore of an effort but she doesnt, its like she says that to keep me from talking about it.

magneticimpulse

Thats very strange. Sex is normal part of relationship. Im single, so I dont know how often people normally have sex, twice a week at least?

Lights off and you on top. That is really sad for you. Its nice to have sex with the lights on and to change positions. Can you explain why you turn them off? Do you try to move her into different positions.

She cums everytime? If you are always on top, it seems hard to believe that. I would cum, but not everytime and if the sex was not that regular it would even be less likely for me to cum. Through just intercourse in missionary position normally I can imagine the chances of a woman who cums every time is not high?

Have you asked your girlfriend why its not more often?

LegacyUser

I am in the same situation as you OP, I can just imagine what you are going through. The first few month we were like animals now 1 or 2 times a month if lucky and I have to make the move. I am always on the top aswell, in my case I don't think she climax. Usual line of it hurts, I am tired etc. It's so frustrating that I even fantasices about cheating. I told her that I am not being satisfied and I am sick of using the hand, basically I will get it from somewhere else.

I would suggest you just have an affair we are only human or try four play.

LegacyUser

OP
You could be describing 5 years of my life.You need to have a serious talk as I would think there is something deeper here.We started out with an amazing sex life and did it in every room in the house and at all times of the day. But after a year I was always the one to inisiate sex and it was pretty much a replay each time. She always said she enjoyed it once we got there but in the end the time between sex got longer. It all came to a head when on a holiday I was given every excuse possible and I made her talk about it.
Her words were 'I love you but am no longer in love with you' she just did not see a way out and had settled for what we had and hoped I would accept it.From the outside everyone would have said we were a perfect couple.

magneticimpulse

If its that important would you consider ending the relationship? Well at least saying you cant go on this way as its very important? Ive never been long term, so i can imagine the fun might go out after a few years. I think it says alot that you stick by your partner even if the sex is not so often. However you are not "just friends" and I think there needs to be more adventure.

That_Guy

Jumper09 wrote: »

I would suggest you just have an affair we are only human or try four play.

I'm sorry but imo having an affair is a cowards way out of discussing relationship problems.

Darthhoob

Jumper09 wrote: »

I am in the same situation as you OP, I can just imagine what you are going through. The first few month we were like animals now 1 or 2 times a month if lucky and I have to make the move. I am always on the top aswell, in my case I don't think she climax. Usual line of it hurts, I am tired etc. It's so frustrating that I even fantasices about cheating. I told her that I am not being satisfied and I am sick of using the hand, basically I will get it from somewhere else.

I would suggest you just have an affair we are only human or try four play.

with that attitude towards sex with your GF i'm suprised she shags you at all! :rolleyes:

you say she doesn't cum...well that could be one reason why she can't be bothered to do it very often with you.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the comments people, while i admit i do fantasise about other women i would not go off with someone else.i just dont know what to do. there are so many possible reasons, is it she doesnt feel the same about me anymore, maybe she just isnt a sexual person, self conscious maybe? doesnt enjoy it??? i just dont know.

i dont want to break up with her, i want things to work but i cant keep up this. last night she came back from a night out. i had been telling her before she left how sexy she looked and how beautiful she looked, when she was out i was textin her sayin i couldnt wait until she got back and she said the same. when she got back she got into her pyjamas and hopped into bed, again i tried to initiate things and got "not tonight, maybe tomorrow". im just sick of all these reasons.

im just so confused and dont know what to do.

St James

you need to move on.

there is a problem that will not go away. you have no future whatever together.

pyjamas after a night out is the last straw. is she playing away? it sounds like it.

LegacyUser

Ok, might be controversial but here goes. I am a woman in the same predicament - been with my OH 4 years and he never ever wants sex. I have begged, pleaded, sulked, been understanding etc etc but NOTHING has worked, was lucky to get it every 2 months really. I was so faithful so loyal and the best gf he ever could have wanted. I even posted on here asking for advice 'oh i cant take this, what can I do' but nothing changed. I never ever ever thought I would cheat on him but I have...about 3 times now. I am going to leave him because I don't think its fair to stay in a relationship once that has happened.

It's like I just took and took and took all the sh*t, all the rejection and all the hurt and thought that I HAD to accept it but I don't! It's like now once I have tasted what it's like to be with someone who is sexually attractive and wants me so much I have become addicted and I want more. Staying in this stale relationship is no longer for me. I do feel guilty but I also feel excited that I can join the human race and be sexual again. I have missed it!!!

magneticimpulse

I would suggest OP leaves before cheating. I know its a way to find out if the grass is greener on the other side. I dont think its fair on anyone to cheat because you dont get enough sex. It cannot be justified. I think if its a problem, if it will not change, then end it. You are then free to have sex with whoever or whenever you like without hurting your OH feelings. Maybe mecca's OH and OP's OH would make a perfect couple for each other!

LegacyUser

hi, OP here. i get what a lot of you are saying and to an extent i agree with you. we had sex last night so im kinda thinkin il leave it for a while and see how it goes. i did suggest that i would like to try some new positions last night and i suggested doggy and she said maybe and then we did spoon. its a start i suppose.she also said she would get on top tonight so if that happens then maybe things are on the up(pardon the pun).

am i deluding myself or is this a step in the right direction?

thanks

dudara

Sorry to say this, but she may be conceding this to you in order to get you to stop you going on about this. This is only a surmise on my part sp don't assume it's right.

The only way to really address this is to sit down and talk about it. Don't talk about it while in bed or naked or anything sexual. Do it in a neutral environment. Be honest and relate it to your emotions and how it's making you feel about your relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi,

People as so quick to say cheating this cheaters that. The fact is I am a man and if a woman isn't threating me right then I would go somewhere and find it. In this recession you have to think carefully before leaving your partner.

Yes you got sex last night but how long do you have to wait for the next? Another month? People that has never been in this position wouldn't understnad how it feels.

Yes I don't make my partner cum once in a while doesn't mean I never make her cum or do things in bed I could bet you people have ever done. Women don't climax easily and if you think they do they are lieing to you.

OP its up to you since you have spoken to your partner about this and nothing chnages in couple of month, why not ask for a break? I am only saying things like it is.

star-pants

Jumper09 wrote: »

In this recession you have to think carefully before leaving your partner.

That is the most ridiculous 'recession' statement I've heard all year.
seriously, cop on - if you're not happy with your partner, and it can't be sorted, you leave. You don't cheat because it's 'cheaper'.

OP I think you need to sit down and discuss this with your gf - as has been said, she might just be suggesting sex for a few days and then go back to how it's always been. There's a problem somewhere along the line and unless it's dealt with it won't go away. It could be many things, she just may not have a high sex drive, she (hopefully isn't) might be playing away, or she might not be feeling as involved in the relationship anymore.
Ask her, in a nice gentle way, see if something is wrong, and at least then you can decide from there how to move forward, when you know the reason behind it.

The 'I'm not getting it at home I'll get it elsewhere' stuff is a pile of crap IMO and I'm sure you're well aware of that.
The only way you'll get an answer is to ask her, she can't pawn you off with excuses all the time.