Family treat me like a child

LegacyUser

Hey, going unreg for this. I am a 23 year old female. Basically my family aunts in particular treat me like i'm a kid. Recently I was house sitting and had my baby sis with me when one of my aunts called in and when she was leaving commented on how she felt like she was leaving 2 small kids on their own. This is just an example. Also if they are talking about anything of any real importance, "adult issues" so to speak and I voice my opinion or give my two pence worth I feel like it falls on deaf ears. Recently I was s'pos to go on a trip down the far end of the country (while the weather was bad) and my aunt was like i'm so glad you decided not to was s****g it. This is really starting to get to me and I feel like im being undermined as a person.

Any advice or opinions.

Barracudaincork

Im 35 and my Mum called me when the floods were on and told me if i was to get into my car and drive down to her she would cut the hind legs off me! She had a point, i didnt need to travel etc and to be honest i would of told her the exact same thing if she was planning on travelling to me.

Your family care about you hence those comments.

As for the other comments, well could it be the older you are, the older your aunt actually is! One of my aunts always hated been called Auntie, she said it made her feel old (there is 20 years in our age difference) and to be honest she was always young and hip. Maybe your aunt doesnt want to feel like she is getting old and if i was you i would tell her that too next time she makes a comment, something along the lines of "look aunty i know the longer i look like a child in your eyes, the younger you appear, but you cant stop the clock, im getting older just like you, and there is nothing either of us can do about it"

Dont be rude to her, just be polite and get your point accross in a uncondecending way.

LegacyUser

I couldn't imagine myself speaking to her like that. I understand what you're saying but saying I feel like i'm abandoning a child (she lives 5 mins down the road) to a 23 year old. When I was about 22 she patted her lap as if to get me to sit on her knee, thats not normal. I feel like I bottle up a whole part of who i am around them because of this.

LegacyUser

Thanks Sunflower,

I know my aunt is quite sensitive though so it's a hard one.

Barracudaincork

Imabiggirl wrote: »

I couldn't imagine myself speaking to her like that.

Yes you can, you are an adult are you not???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come on OP, you are an adult and you have every right to tell your aunt how you feel, if she doesnt deal with it that well, then we all know who the real child is, dont we!

Im not saying it will be easy, but you can do it!!

Barracudaincork

sunflower27 wrote: »

But you are sensitive, too.

Just say it.

You can do it!

+ 1

kittenkiller

I always find an absurdly blue joke or comment at the right time blurs the line between adult and child in my family.
Sure offensive jokes are childish, but hell they're fun and if you have the balls to tell it to your grandmother, you should be seen as an adult equally as immature as the other adults in the house!

Just start throwing back digs about how horrible it must be to be old and how your aunts should play their cards right or there'll be no one to look after them on their death bed!
Works for me, but then maybe my family are a little more odd than most.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

To a certain extent, you also need to accept that a lot of adults of the older generation are like that - you're not alone in this!

I don't agree with the blue jokes line, but what you could do is start serious conversations about topical news stories. One example at the moment would be the abortion case where it's gone to the European court (study it, bring it up, and show that have a mature, well thought out opinion on the matter). Or, if that's a bit too hot, the budget.

And STOP watchin X-factor! (Not saying you do, but if you do, don't!)

Imabiggirl

Imabiggirl wrote: »

I couldn't imagine myself speaking to her like that. I understand what you're saying but saying I feel like i'm abandoning a child (she lives 5 mins down the road) to a 23 year old. When I was about 22 she patted her lap as if to get me to sit on her knee, thats not normal. I feel like I bottle up a whole part of who i am around them because of this.

Don't really see the problem, tbh. I'm 24 and I have many relatives who treat me like a child, just because that's how they remember me. I've cousins I helped to bathe and feed as babies who are now 16 or 17, and I still see them as little kids. I don't see them often enough or know them well enough to see how they've grown up and changed. Some of my aunts and uncles make silly comments to me like telling me to be careful when going to the corner shop, even though they know well that I've lived abroad and travelled on my own. It doesn't really bother me, because I know myself I'm not childish or immature, so their opinion doesn't really make a difference to my life.

tbh

+1.

also, it's natural to worry. when my wife drives to donegal without me, I'm always really worried till I hear she got home safe. goes with the territory I think.
it used to annoy me when my dad did it to me, now it reassures me

Firetrap

Yeah, it used to annoy me when my dad would be telling me to drive carefully and stuff like that but I've come to realise that it's cos I'm still his kid and he cares.

I've no silver bullet that will cure your problem, OP but perhaps trying to be more 'adult' around your family might help. Discuss current affairs, bits and pieces about work (if you're lucky enough to have a job), that kind of thing. Maybe drop in a comment about how you're getting on a bit...the quarter life crisis is just 'round the corner Other than that, I dunno. I'm not sure hauling them aside and telling them you're an adult and to treat you like one is the way to go

LegacyUser

Maybe you should act like a child. say you cannot babysit as you are too young and scatred to be alone. If asked a question act as if you are too young to understand. It might shock', in a nice way, them into realising you are playing them at their own game in a good humoured way. it is what i would do anyway.....and I am lot older than you

WindSock

Yeah, I was going to say 'just go with it'. Next time she pats her lap for you to sit on, skip over and hop on with your arm draped around her neck and whisper to her that you farted. Then run off giggling.
If she says 'that's frightfully immature' then that's your cue to say 'yes it is....' :pac:

To be honest, my ma is the same. She still fusses over me as if I will starve to death. I am almost getting spoonfed with an aeroplane spoon at this stage. I nearly had a spaz attack in the kitchen today. The price for living back under her roof I suppose.

I think it might be the adults sly cues at nudging us toward the door

LegacyUser

WindSock wrote: »

Yeah, I was going to say 'just go with it'. Next time she pats her lap for you to sit on, skip over and hop on with your arm draped around her neck and whisper to her that you farted. Then run off giggling.
If she says 'that's frightfully immature' then that's your cue to say 'yes it is....' :pac:

... and add that you ARE frightfully imature and start some baby talk too. Ask if she will read you a story when you go to bed and do not turn out the light as there are monsters. Google Milton Erickson, it sound like something he would say.

LegacyUser

WindSock wrote: »

Yeah, I was going to say 'just go with it'. Next time she pats her lap for you to sit on, skip over and hop on with your arm draped around her neck and whisper to her that you farted. Then run off giggling.
If she says 'that's frightfully immature' then that's your cue to say 'yes it is....' :pac:

To be honest, my ma is the same. She still fusses over me as if I will starve to death. I am almost getting spoonfed with an aeroplane spoon at this stage. I nearly had a spaz attack in the kitchen today. The price for living back under her roof I suppose.

I think it might be the adults sly cues at nudging us toward the door

I don't need a nudge i've lived out of home for 6 years.

opinion guy

Imabiggirl wrote: »

Hey, going unreg for this. I am a 23 year old female. Basically my family aunts in particular treat me like i'm a kid. Recently I was house sitting and had my baby sis with me when one of my aunts called in and when she was leaving commented on how she felt like she was leaving 2 small kids on their own. This is just an example. Also if they are talking about anything of any real importance, "adult issues" so to speak and I voice my opinion or give my two pence worth I feel like it falls on deaf ears. Recently I was s'pos to go on a trip down the far end of the country (while the weather was bad) and my aunt was like i'm so glad you decided not to was s****g it. This is really starting to get to me and I feel like im being undermined as a person.

Any advice or opinions.

Imabiggirl wrote: »

I couldn't imagine myself speaking to her like that. I understand what you're saying but saying I feel like i'm abandoning a child (she lives 5 mins down the road) to a 23 year old. When I was about 22 she patted her lap as if to get me to sit on her knee, thats not normal. I feel like I bottle up a whole part of who i am around them because of this.

To be honest I don't really see this as a problem. Personally I was more than happy for them not to talk about "adult issues" for as long as poossible because it inevitably met the older generation were fightinh about something. Myself and the cousins would pretty much just roll the eyes and say ok wahtever becuase is inevitably meant the "adults" were fightig like kids in the playground. Let them at it IHMO.

As to the rest of it and the partonising - jsut don't engage. A few edgy smartass comments here and there also might help. Basically - stop thinking ofthem as your aunts and treat them like you would someone your own age who was patronsiing you

Kimia

I know that everyone has tried to be helpful but if I were the OP I'd feel slightly patronised and frustrated by everyone's advice to ignore it and put up with it.

It's extremely frustrating to be treated like your opinion means nothing because you're young or even worse 'a kid'. The aunts don't sound like they don't know the OP, it's almost like they're undermining her at every turn. I'd be pissed off too.

There's a huge difference between someone genuinely caring about you and forgetting that you're an adult now, and someone belittling you because they think you have no right to speak to other adults as they believe you are a child.

OP, why don't you just say it. If you are afraid that they are too senstive, say it in a nice way. It'll be hard the first time, but just say 'I am 23, I think i can handle this' or somethign to that effect. Nothing over the top.

Also sometimes when relatives do this, the urge is there to act like a child for some reason - it's like you slip into pre-determined roles. Make a conscious effort to act 'adult' when you are around them, very mature, and as another poster said, discuss adult topics. Best of luck.

Danniboo

l

LegacyUser

Hey Kimia,

You hit the nail on the head thanks for that.

ash23

I think I was only treated seriously by my aunts when I hit the 25 mark (and bear in mind at that stage I had a 5 year old, had bought a house and hadn't lived at home in nearly 10 years).
Even now my mum and aunts tell me to text when I get home safe. They worry about me living alone and being a single parent. They do it because they care and they still care about me in the same way as they did when I was a kid.
It's hard to explain. i've a neice who is coming up on 14 and to me, I still feel the same concern about her I did when she was little even though I know she's older.
My daughter is 7 and she's still my baby. When she's 50 she'll still be my baby.
My gran still refers to me as "the baby" and my daughter is also referred to as "the baby" even though many more babies followed me and many more have followed my daughter.


You are getting older and may be totally responsible for yourself and have others relying on you (kids, partner, work) but it's somewhat a novelty to you too. Another few years and it's wearing and tiring and you might be so grateful that someone is worried about you for a change.

I love going home and being mollycoddled by my mum, gran and aunties and uncles. 99% of the time I'm on my own, working, looking after my child, paying bills, running the show and working my ass off to keep it all together. I love going home and getting hugs, my dinner handed to me, my mammy minding me and my aunts lecturing me about getting drunk. It makes me feel young again and while I hated it when I was betweeen young and grown up, I love it now

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

I think I was only treated seriously by my aunts when I hit the 25 mark (and bear in mind at that stage I had a 5 year old, had bought a house and hadn't lived at home in nearly 10 years).
Even now my mum and aunts tell me to text when I get home safe. They worry about me living alone and being a single parent. They do it because they care and they still care about me in the same way as they did when I was a kid.
It's hard to explain. i've a neice who is coming up on 14 and to me, I still feel the same concern about her I did when she was little even though I know she's older.
My daughter is 7 and she's still my baby. When she's 50 she'll still be my baby.
My gran still refers to me as "the baby" and my daughter is also referred to as "the baby" even though many more babies followed me and many more have followed my daughter.


You are getting older and may be totally responsible for yourself and have others relying on you (kids, partner, work) but it's somewhat a novelty to you too. Another few years and it's wearing and tiring and you might be so grateful that someone is worried about you for a change.

I love going home and being mollycoddled by my mum, gran and aunties and uncles. 99% of the time I'm on my own, working, looking after my child, paying bills, running the show and working my ass off to keep it all together. I love going home and getting hugs, my dinner handed to me, my mammy minding me and my aunts lecturing me about getting drunk. It makes me feel young again and while I hated it when I was betweeen young and grown up, I love it now

Granted some people think it's nice to be fussed over, but thinking your 22 year old niece should sit on your knee goes a bit beyond. Also being referred to as the "brat" and the "kids" is a bit much. If they're asking me a question about something family related when I answer, they'll say are you sure, or tell the truth now. It's crippling.