I only want to have sex with unattractive people

extremethinker

This has being a problem for years with me. I only want and do have sex with ugly overweight women who are not my tiye at all, I don't fancy them at all and its just sex. They really turn me on because it makes me feel dirty. However the good looking girls who I am really attracted to, I just can't get turned on by them, I just want to kiss and cuddle them but no sex! This is causing me concern, how can I stop this?

kjl

You COULD grow up,

This post make you sound like a child. You're problem is that you are sexually attracted to overweight women. Doesn't seem like a problem to me.

LegacyUser

Oh this makes me think acutally...............
Im fairly overweight and have slept with a lot of hot guys, im really hoping they didnt sleep with me for same reason as OP....... there goes my confidence

Wibbs

Or it could be a sexual confidence issue. If you're not that attracted to them, then there's no performance pressure. Someone you are attracted to then the pressure is there. And that may make the unattractive attractive?

Wibbs

Ohhhh Noooo wrote: »

Oh this makes me think acutally...............
Im fairly overweight and have slept with a lot of hot guys, im really hoping they didnt sleep with me for same reason as OP....... there goes my confidence

It shouldn't. I know a fair few men who like bigger women. They may even say they like slimmer women, but consistently go for the opposite. The older they get it seems the more likely they'll admit this preference. Peer pressure and all that guff.

seamus

If they turn you on, then by definition you "fancy" them and find them attractive. What society considers attractive is irrelevant.

It could be a simple fetish - sexual preference for one body type over another. Everyone has this in one way or another, though most people are generally quite loose in what they find attractive and don't confine themselves to one body type.

I don't really see the problem tbh - why are you concerned? It does sound somewhat like a self-confidence issue. If you had self-confidence, you wouldn't be concerned about what people think of your chosen partners.

There may also be a sexual confidence issue as Wibbs points out. That is, if you consistently think that you're the more attractive partner in the encounter, then you're unlikely/less likely to have your ego knocked. Do you generally shy away from risk-taking?

Taltos

Call me crazy - but I find it difficult (be nice) to get aroused around someone I do not find attractive and someone I want.

Maybe - maybe
These "unattractive people" - you are actually really attracted to them.

Then these "attractive women" - who do not excite you - you are simply just not attracted to.

It might just be that you are fighting subconsciously the brainwashing of our media... We all come in different shapes, sizes (physically and mentally) and who really knows who is really attractive to another person or not.

Wibbs

seamus wrote: »

If they turn you on, then by definition you "fancy" them and find them attractive.

It could also be in a weird way because they don't turn him on, they turn him on(my head hurt there:)) He does say "They really turn me on because it makes me feel dirty". That could be the fetish as it were. The notion of "forbidden" can have strong sexual influence. Add in sexual confidence as a side order and it could well be that.

What society considers attractive is irrelevant.

In principle yes I agree 100%, in reality that stuff runs very deep and being part of a society will massively influence sexual attraction. I suppose thats a subject for humanities though.

I don't really see the problem tbh - why are you concerned? It does sound somewhat like a self-confidence issue. If you had self-confidence, you wouldn't be concerned about what people think of your chosen partners.

+1

ash23

I know I enjoy sex more when I'm aware I am more attractive or equally attractive as the other person.
I'm more comfortable and therefore able to enjoy it more.
It doesn't mean I amn't attracted to these people. I am. I just know that they aren't typically attractive. I usually find they make up for it in personality and therefore I am attracted to them.

I've hooked some "hot" guys in my time but I've always felt self conscious and lacking when with them. I am aware that they look good but I feel like I always have to be at my best, on my best behaviour etc or they'll realise they can do better
I prefer to be with someone I can be more comfortable with. I'm attracted to that.

Darthhoob

Ohhhh Noooo wrote: »

Oh this makes me think acutally...............
Im fairly overweight and have slept with a lot of hot guys, im really hoping they didnt sleep with me for same reason as OP....... there goes my confidence

dont go thinking like that hun. i am the same as you. there are alot of men out there who are not as hung up about body shape as us women. there are guys who likes bigger women too. then there are men who like slimmer women. we all have diff tastes

i very much doubt that sleeping with people you DONT find attractive is a common thing. it sounds like the OP has a fetish of sorts tbh...as normally if you find something unattractive i doubt you could get turned on/get it up.

the OP could in fact like these larger ladies and pretending to himself (and others) he doesn't...think that's what he needs to think about! it could also be a self confidence thing...thinking he cannot be with someone he likes so ends up with people he doesn't

SarahSassy

extremethinker wrote: »

ugly overweight women who are not my tiye at all

Eh , reality check. They are your type!!! Its very crass of you to call someone ugly - thats only your judgement and tbh you sound as if you know what you want or what you know.

Warfi

extremethinker wrote: »

This is causing me concern, how can I stop this?

I feel your concern....I've been there. When I have sex with fat, ugly men, I turn off the light so I don't have to look at them. Hope this helps

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Or it could be a sexual confidence issue. If you're not that attracted to them, then there's no performance pressure. Someone you are attracted to then the pressure is there. And that may make the unattractive attractive?

i agree with this.

i have a f*ck buddy who i meet regularly for sex.

i'm not attracted to this guy at all, never was, he's not my type at all.

i originally hooked up with him on a one night stand, on a night that i was just gagging for a ride and anyone would have done. i knew the guy for a while, through a place i previously worked, and i knew he'd be into one nighters, so i made my move.

i didnt care about him, didnt fancy him, wasnt interested in anything serious happening, so i let go and had the night of my life.

for once in bed i didnt care how i looked/sounded/whether he thought my boobs were too big or my tummy was flabby etc etc etc

when he asked for us to become FB s i was delighted

i've had amazing sex with him because it has been uninhibited, unbridled, un-self-conscious etc

not loving or even being interested in this guy gives me the freedom to do/say/act how i want

Eve_Dublin

Ohhhh Noooo wrote: »

Oh this makes me think acutally...............
Im fairly overweight and have slept with a lot of hot guys, im really hoping they didnt sleep with me for same reason as OP....... there goes my confidence

Hey. The OP DID say the women were unattractive. Overweight does NOT equate to ugly. One of my very best friends is genuinely attracted to larger women....he likes large breasts and backside but because it's not what is considered conventionally beautiful, he's constantly having to justify himself to others. I'm usually out with his guy at weekends and he goes for very beautiful, large women.

OP, out of curiosity, do you see the words ugly and fat as mutually exclusive??

Wibbs

samehere wrote: »

i agree with this.

i have a f*ck buddy who i meet regularly for sex.

i'm not attracted to this guy at all, never was, he's not my type at all.

i originally hooked up with him on a one night stand, on a night that i was just gagging for a ride and anyone would have done. i knew the guy for a while, through a place i previously worked, and i knew he'd be into one nighters, so i made my move.

i didnt care about him, didnt fancy him, wasnt interested in anything serious happening, so i let go and had the night of my life.

for once in bed i didnt care how i looked/sounded/whether he thought my boobs were too big or my tummy was flabby etc etc etc

when he asked for us to become FB s i was delighted

i've had amazing sex with him because it has been uninhibited, unbridled, un-self-conscious etc

not loving or even being interested in this guy gives me the freedom to do/say/act how i want

QFT. And I reckon this goes for many blokes too as well as women. I think it's kinda equal. In the sense that broadly speaking men may worry about performance and women worry about what they look like within the performance. That idea that you can abandon yourself completely sexually as you're not worried about the relationship, how he/she looks how you look etc. There can be so much unneeded pressure between the sheets at times, that this abandon can be very welcome. Maybe it's an indictment of how we feel about ourselves, who knows, but if this is the OP's angle it is understandable

LegacyUser

In the Carribean you see many incredible looking fit young black men hooking up with ancient fat European women, who exude bad health. Obviously this is for money, but I also noticed that the men had no problem doing it. Its almost become part of their culture.

A friend explained that for men, sex with unattractive women can very easily become a fetish, and thats what happens to these guys. Its different for women, we may sleep with wrinklies or obese men for money or security but it doesn't become sexualised in the same way.

I think the fact that the OP describes these women as unattractive means that they are unattractive to him, which is all that matters as this is his thread, so it seems like a fetish.

I don't have any experience in this area, but as a general rule I think that if you wouldn't want to proudly show off the person you're with, then you shouldn't be with that person. So the OP is currently only able to have sex with people he doesn't want in any way. That sounds like a genuine problem to me.

Unfortunately I don't know anything about fetishes and can't offer any advice, I just wanted to say I appreciate your problem, (before this threads veers into 'women with curves are all woman' territory) and that you should probably talk to a professional, as trying to suppress what you feel may make the fetish more prominent?

Eve_Dublin

wordswords wrote: »

I don't have any experience in this area, but as a general rule I think that if you wouldn't want to proudly show off the person you're with, then you shouldn't be with that person. So the OP is currently only able to have sex with people he doesn't want in any way. That sounds like a genuine problem to me.

Good point. I think you've highlighted the OP's problem here. He doesn't want to go out with the the only type of woman he's interested in having sex with. That's a problem alright. Not even going to attempt amateur psychology here....

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

It could also be in a weird way because they don't turn him on, they turn him on(my head hurt there:)) He does say "They really turn me on because it makes me feel dirty". That could be the fetish as it were. The notion of "forbidden" can have strong sexual influence. Add in sexual confidence as a side order and it could well be that.

Indeed. A male friend of mine was with a married woman (who came onto him) not long ago - she was not attractive at all and would not have been with her were it not for the fact that this 'forbidden' situation turned him on. Other friends have been in similar situations, with women they did not find attractive, but were turned on by the 'dirtiness' of the situation - either because of factors like inappropriate time or place or the very fact that using a woman they had no feelings for or interest in turned them on.

extremethinker

LOL people are so out of touch with reality on this forum, you lot make me sick. You all just talked alot of ****, also mod why wasn't the second poster infracted for personal abuse towards me?

Silverfish

extremethinker wrote: »

LOL people are so out of touch with reality on this forum, you lot make me sick. You all just talked alot of ****, also mod why wasn't the second poster infracted for personal abuse towards me?

Banned.