cant do chat up thing

LegacyUser

ok this is probaly one of the most generic questions asked in pi but with a slight twist

im male mid twenties quite good looking

in clubs and pubs and stuff i cant just walk up to some random girl and do the chat up thing

i just dont feel able to and clam up. it because i havnt got a grip on who they (personality wise ) are i cant relax and i go blank.(iv tried and i just cant. i find it so hard to get up the bottle and then i fail )

now if i was in a class or an activity or some thing i usually end up been one of the main centers of attention most of the time if i have a good read on the people around me.

what useally happens with me and women is that because i have a quite a big personality (most of the time). girls devolop a crush on me this. is fine most of the time but its them making the first move and me responding to them and i mightn't even want to have anything to do with them or i get all shy and cant even respond to the girl in the right way. when i do get some action going its almost always because i became friends with a girl and then she gets a crush on me and im comfortable around her.

basically this means that im acting in a girls role and taking from whats right in front of me whens its there. this however means that i cant go out and pick the girl that i want. this is not how i want to live my life. it a ridiculous situation and depressing.

please no one post be yourself or join a club because the they are the most generic replies to most questions.

LegacyUser

Hey OP. I'm in pretty much the same situation as yourself. Although I don't think I'm all that good-looking (but my mam says I am, so maybe I'm wrong! :P ) I've a pretty good personality. Get on well with most people, have a pretty good sense of humour and (I've been told) am a heck of a good listener. I don't do all that well with women when it comes to going out but it seems that if I get to know a girl, the ball falls right into my court. All the girls I've dated for a significant period of time, I've gotten to know well first. Most of them, I never thought I'd a chance with, so I relaxed, was myself and next thing I know we're going out. I know you requested not to be told 'be yourself,' but I'm just letting you know you're not alone on this.

It seems that when we (guys) go out on the town or whatever, no matter what our intentions, there's a massive preconception that we're only after one thing. The times that I've approached a girl in a bar (never a club. It's pointless there), I've been met with pretty immediate rejection and in one or two situations, hostility. It did nothing for the old confidence and now approaching a girl, no matter how pretty I think she is, feels like an imposibility. Once the ice is broken, I'm fine. But it seems like that one tiny step is a massive imposibility.

LegacyUser

op here

well im glad to see that im not alone in this situation. this a big issue for me and is something that had shaped my life to a great or lesser degree it some that i very much want to move past