Am I depressed?

LegacyUser · 10-12-2009 12:13am #1

Hi, I am 23yr old male student and lately I have been starting to feel pretty down about my life in general. Depression runs in my immediate family and members of my family take anti depressants but luckily for me it has never really affected me. I think I know a bit about depression from seeing people close to me suffer from it but it is one of those things that you can't understand too well unless go through it yourself at some stage which hopefully you wont have to do. I am naturally a very happy and vibrant person and when I am around my friends I do nothing but laugh and joke around. I love being around people and talking to people but lately I spend a lot of time on my own with college so I don't get to see my friends as much. I sort of resent the fact that I am not having much fun lately and feel down as a result. I feel like I am wasting my prime or something and I should be having fun way more. The thing is though this is all situational. If I was not in my current lifestyle and was more active I know for a fact I would be happy as no matter how bad things get, I always seem to spring back to life when I am doing things I enjoy. The problem is though that once I am put in a routine that I do not enjoy, well I become pretty miserable.
Lately I feel drained a lot, am tired when I get up and dont feel good in general in the mornings, I am in bad mood a lot (to myself though and dont take it out on anybody), and generally feel pretty rough. My days are pretty much the same every day and as I have no real friends in college I don't really talk to anyone. I think the winter naturally gets me down every year with the weather etc like it does to many people but it is pretty much my lifestyle and the fact that I am deriving little enjoyment from anything lately. I find it way harder to concentrate on college work also because of the way I feel. I dunno though I think people who are really depressed cannot derive enjoyment from anything where as I could certainly have a great time 2moro of I was doing something fun with friends so I don't think it is depression but perhaps just loneliness and boredom?
Would really appreciate any opinions on this, sorry for the lengthy post!

LegacyUser · 10-12-2009 9:00am

OP, I'm in a similar boat I think. I'm about 8 or 9 years older than you, male and I too am wondering do I suffer from depression.

It's something I've been unwilling to accept as a possibility but now I'm beginning to think it might be true. I've become very down on myself recently. Not all the time, but quite often. My career is ok-ish but my job gets to me at times. It's more frustration and annoyance with certain aspects of it. But what really gets to me is my complete lack of sucess with women. I've pretty much only ever kissed 1 girl in my life and not done much else and when I think about it, I often feel like such a reject and such a loser. I also get resentful when I hear or read about other people going out and having sex and stuff. It's frustrates me, depresses me, and generally makes me feel like s**t about myself. And I keep saying "Why for once can't that be me?".

My confidence and self-esteem are pretty much non-existant. I'm getting in shape which is a factor in my issues, but it's not the whole thing. I often think I'm repulsive to women and that I'm just not loveable to the point where I have to admit, I have considered ending it all. Just sometimes I get so down and upset and I feel like things have been this way for so long that they're never going to change.

However I know I don't have the guts to go through with it, plus I know it would really hurt my family so I won't do it. But I still think it's not healthy that I have these thoughts either.

My aunt suffers from depression so I guess there's a family history. It's sort of kept hush hush but I've heard it's quite got bad at times for her.

There's no way in hell I'd ever tell my family about this as I don't want them to worry about me too. Someone I was talking to online recently who has been through a lot and has received counselling reckons I do have the beginning of depression and she reckons I should go talk to someone for that and my confidence and self-esteem issues.

There are other times though that I think this is just me being stupid and if I'd just wise the f*** up and snap myself out of it, I'd be grand. I spend so much time just thinking about stuff, analysing things that I reckon that's contributing to the situation.

I know this may not have helped you deal with your situation OP. But I just find that I might be in the same situation so I guess I'm looking for some guidance as well as to whether I'm suffering from depression.

LegacyUser · 10-12-2009 11:25am

sameboat? wrote: »

OP, I'm in a similar boat I think. I'm about 8 or 9 years older than you, male and I too am wondering do I suffer from depression.

It's something I've been unwilling to accept as a possibility but now I'm beginning to think it might be true. I've become very down on myself recently. Not all the time, but quite often. My career is ok-ish but my job gets to me at times. It's more frustration and annoyance with certain aspects of it. But what really gets to me is my complete lack of sucess with women. I've pretty much only ever kissed 1 girl in my life and not done much else and when I think about it, I often feel like such a reject and such a loser. I also get resentful when I hear or read about other people going out and having sex and stuff. It's frustrates me, depresses me, and generally makes me feel like s**t about myself. And I keep saying "Why for once can't that be me?".

My confidence and self-esteem are pretty much non-existant. I'm getting in shape which is a factor in my issues, but it's not the whole thing. I often think I'm repulsive to women and that I'm just not loveable to the point where I have to admit, I have considered ending it all. Just sometimes I get so down and upset and I feel like things have been this way for so long that they're never going to change.

However I know I don't have the guts to go through with it, plus I know it would really hurt my family so I won't do it. But I still think it's not healthy that I have these thoughts either.

My aunt suffers from depression so I guess there's a family history. It's sort of kept hush hush but I've heard it's quite got bad at times for her.

There's no way in hell I'd ever tell my family about this as I don't want them to worry about me too. Someone I was talking to online recently who has been through a lot and has received counselling reckons I do have the beginning of depression and she reckons I should go talk to someone for that and my confidence and self-esteem issues.

There are other times though that I think this is just me being stupid and if I'd just wise the f*** up and snap myself out of it, I'd be grand. I spend so much time just thinking about stuff, analysing things that I reckon that's contributing to the situation.

I know this may not have helped you deal with your situation OP. But I just find that I might be in the same situation so I guess I'm looking for some guidance as well as to whether I'm suffering from depression.

It sounds to me like you you are just in a very deep rut with your romance life. I too know the feeling of not having any romance for extended periods of time and how it can affect your confidence but fortunately never longer than a few months. The thing is the longer the time you go without meeting a girl (even if its just a drunken kiss or flirt) the harder it gets to get yourself out of this hole. Forget about what you read or see on tv about people going out and 'living the life', believe me there is often more than meets the eye. In the real world most people are not out having sex with different girls every weekend. Some of my friends are good looking guys with great personalities and good jobs and they struggle also to meet women. Its all about being part of the scene and confidence. The thing is however that the 'scene' is often filled with idiots so I prefer not to take part. There are plenty of really nice girls out there however who are down to earth and looking for nice guys but they are unfortunately a bit harder to find as they slip under the radar.

Try and go out with friends more and try meet other friends through these if you can. I think this is the best way to meet both new friends and girls if they are friends of a friend. Lets face it, it is not easy to just go in to a crowded night club or bar that plays loud music and meet a girl, I mean I dunno how people do this. For one thing, they usually can't hear a word your saying so how can you have a good chat to them. And in Irish society night clubs are the focal point for people looking to meet girls which I think is weird and makes it so much harder. Another thing is that we do not adopt the phone number exchange near as much as we should. It would seem weird for a guy to ask a girl for her phone number unless he has kissed her already. In places like America it is standard for girls to give you their phone number if they have been chatting to you for a bit and they seem to like you. I just think this makes it far easier to meet girls.

Don't get yourself down man, there are so many people out there in the exact same shoes as you but you just dont know it. Its easy to walk around town and have the impression that every guy you see is having a great time and you are not, but this is not the case. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to be succeeding in certain ways that we are often not and as a result we start to feel like there is something wrong with us May I suggest if you feel you are in a rut that you consider doing some travelling? If it is possible to get some time off work and go somewhere on your own, you will be surprised what being away in new places and meeting new people can do for your confidence. Its easy to develop that 'this is it, this is my life' but there is so much more out there. It keeps me going sometimes that I know I will be away in new places again and new vigour will be added to my life. Have a think about making a trip, seriously, you would have nothing to lose!

LegacyUser · 10-12-2009 1:23pm

soob22 wrote: »

It sounds to me like you you are just in a very deep rut with your romance life. I too know the feeling of not having any romance for extended periods of time and how it can affect your confidence but fortunately never longer than a few months. The thing is the longer the time you go without meeting a girl (even if its just a drunken kiss or flirt) the harder it gets to get yourself out of this hole. Forget about what you read or see on tv about people going out and 'living the life', believe me there is often more than meets the eye. In the real world most people are not out having sex with different girls every weekend. Some of my friends are good looking guys with great personalities and good jobs and they struggle also to meet women. Its all about being part of the scene and confidence. The thing is however that the 'scene' is often filled with idiots so I prefer not to take part. There are plenty of really nice girls out there however who are down to earth and looking for nice guys but they are unfortunately a bit harder to find as they slip under the radar.

Try and go out with friends more and try meet other friends through these if you can. I think this is the best way to meet both new friends and girls if they are friends of a friend. Lets face it, it is not easy to just go in to a crowded night club or bar that plays loud music and meet a girl, I mean I dunno how people do this. For one thing, they usually can't hear a word your saying so how can you have a good chat to them. And in Irish society night clubs are the focal point for people looking to meet girls which I think is weird and makes it so much harder. Another thing is that we do not adopt the phone number exchange near as much as we should. It would seem weird for a guy to ask a girl for her phone number unless he has kissed her already. In places like America it is standard for girls to give you their phone number if they have been chatting to you for a bit and they seem to like you. I just think this makes it far easier to meet girls.

Don't get yourself down man, there are so many people out there in the exact same shoes as you but you just dont know it. Its easy to walk around town and have the impression that every guy you see is having a great time and you are not, but this is not the case. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to be succeeding in certain ways that we are often not and as a result we start to feel like there is something wrong with us May I suggest if you feel you are in a rut that you consider doing some travelling? If it is possible to get some time off work and go somewhere on your own, you will be surprised what being away in new places and meeting new people can do for your confidence. Its easy to develop that 'this is it, this is my life' but there is so much more out there. It keeps me going sometimes that I know I will be away in new places again and new vigour will be added to my life. Have a think about making a trip, seriously, you would have nothing to lose!

Your comment about being stuck in a very deep rut is quite accurate, except that it's a rut that's been going on for years. I think the one and only time I kissed a girl was back around 2000 or 2001. I've got interest from girls over the years but for one reason or another, nothing has happened. I met a girl last year who sort of did my head in and I got burnt which I think has made an already precarious and fragile amount of confidence and self esteem, disappear. We fooled around some stuff happened but with the way things ended up, we may as well have never even met so I've struck it off the record (she wouldn't let us kiss for some f*****d up reason that I won't go into here).

Even recently the girl who suggested I might need to talk to a counsellor or something, she was very upfront about wanting to meet me. But I just wasn't that interested. Some girls show me interest but I'm not bothered. The last night I was out I got the impression there were one or two girls hanging around me, hoping I'd open my mouth and say hello but I didn't.

I then came home that night feeling like s*** as once again my night ended up with me alone and not even so much as a peck on the cheek. I was drunk as well which probably doesn't help your mood if you think you suffer from depression. I arrived home that night, sat on my bed and for a few minutes I just kept saying to myself (out loud), over and over again "You are such a loser, you are such a loser".

I was even so fed up with things that I google'd female escorts in Dublin that night and checked my wallet to see if I had enough cash on me for one. Mostly out of pure desperation and frustration at not getting anything. In the end I didn't call them thankfully. I came to my senses having made that mistake once or twice before years ago.

I've done the travelling thing before and I'm actually going to the US in March for about 2 weeks, however I will be meeting up with others when there. I did travel on my own for a period of 3-4 weeks when I was in Australia a number of years ago. It was daunting at first and I got no sleep the night before I left. However it was good as it brought me out of my shell a bit and I got to meet some nice people. Still got no action though at all.

I guess all of this mixed with my low confidence and stuff has me thinking about whether I need professional help.

Sorry for hijacking your thread.

RossFixxxed · 10-12-2009 3:08pm

Guys off to the doctor.

Seriously nobody should diagnose you online from a few posts and be incredibly wary of someone who does.

if you life is being negatively impacted go to a professional. WELL WORTH DOING>

Wibbs · 11-12-2009 6:32pm

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Guys off to the doctor.

Seriously nobody should diagnose you online from a few posts and be incredibly wary of someone who does.

if you life is being negatively impacted go to a professional. WELL WORTH DOING>

Agreed. Supportive posts fine and welcome, any sort of armchair diagnosis not welcome as this can be dangerous and will be removed. Thanks.

LegacyUser · 12-12-2009 4:01pm

OP, as the others have said - nobody her can diagnose you.

Having said that - have you taken any steps to pick yourself up and make yourself feel better? I only ask because you said you could probably go out tomorrow and enjoy yourself. When I was depressed, that wasn't a possibility - no matter where I was or who I was with, I wouldn't have fun.

You might be bang on about the loneliness and boredom. At the risk of using a cliché, have you considered joining a club or soc in college? I did at the start of this year (not out of loneliness, just for the fun) and it's been great. Sometimes I think you just need a new crowd of people to make things fun again. There are SO many different clubs/socs, I'm sure you could find something that appeals. Also, the new year would be a great time to pick something up, as loads of people will have begun something new as part of a new years resolution.

Why don't you have many friends in college? Are they not your kind of people or have you just not made the effort? Having people you have fun with be a part of your everyday life could really help matters.

Like the others said though, if you're really in doubt, discuss it with your doctor. Just be wary of him throwing you on anti-depressants when it may not be necessary. DO see someone if you're worried about your mental health, but also try and take some steps of your own to improve things.

LegacyUser · 13-12-2009 12:45am

Nobody_ wrote: »

OP, as the others have said - nobody her can diagnose you.

Thanks, No I honestly don't think I am depressed as I am capable of enjoying myself and everything is not bleak. I felt pretty miserable all day thursday but when a funny show I like was on the telly I was laughing out loud for an hour so I am able to enjoy things. It is just my life lately is consumed with things I am unhappy with and this has just made me feel bad more than good. Loneliness is something I have always felt growing up at times and this gets me down too a lot.

The reason I have no real friends in college is largely due to the fact that I really do not like being there. I attribute it to just being in an environment that I am uncomfortable with and this makes it harder for me to be myself. I find when I am talking to people in college, I am just being different than what I am naturally like. Another thing is I guess a lot of the people are not 'my kind of people' but I shouldn't label anyone because I really don't know them well enough. I have tried getting involved in societies but I found it intimidating so I didn't go back to them. Its so weird coz I am the type of person who can make friends in minutes just chatting away to people and I have naturally good people skills but when I am in an environment where I am uncomfortable it is the complete opposite and I close down. College is this environment.

I often feel like my life just isn't how I would like it to be and while I have had some amazing times and I am sure I will have some more, these just are not consistent and I end up back in a routine which I get sick of. Its like I have to keep on moving. I can't wait to finish college so I can go somewhere completely different. College sort of feels like a prison sentence where I am trapped in until I graduate. Well, not exactly as bad now as prison I am sure but they way I feel is that I would walk any day if somebody issued me a degree and said you can go now. I'm just there because getting the degree is a step in my goal for the future.

LegacyUser · 14-12-2009 1:40pm

So I've taken a step forward today. I called my GP and made an appointment for next week. I almost feel better for just having done that.

I don't actually know if I'm depressed or not. I'm not going around 24/7 feeling depressed but there are times I feel really down because of relationship issues (lack of relationships) and because of my low confidence and self esteem. However when I'm with my mates I can usually have a laugh and be upbeat so I'm not sure what my situation is.

Either way, I should know one way or the other next week. I'll post an update then.

Anna Molly · 14-12-2009 2:13pm

I think if you just make some changes in your life and talk it out with a professional you'll be fine.

You say your days are all the same, you need to find a routein, but not one that's the same obviously. Diet and exercise is a major thing, alongside sleeping. Try doing some exercise because that releases chemicals in your brain that makes you happy (believe it or believe it not)

P.S. I'm in the same boat.

RossFixxxed · 14-12-2009 2:16pm

Great to hear you are going to the GP. Keep on with whatever they recommend it can take time slowly slowly. Believe me I'm still in the process myself and it can be great, it can be frustrating. It just takes time and an open mind. Go in open to TRYING things they recommend.

Keep in touch here I think it's a great thing to see somone make the first positive step and I hope will encourage others to do so!

LegacyUser · 14-12-2009 2:59pm

I'm not the OP, but I feel like I've hijacked his thread. Sorry!

Yeah I've already started back to the gym about 4 or 5 weeks ago and have started to lose some weight. So I'm in the process of sorting myself out externally so hopefully going to the doctor next week will be the start of me sorting my head out too once and for all. It would be great to get rid of this negativity, low self-esteem and complete lack of confidence that seems to constantly be there.

Even just yesterday I received some very complimentary remarks about my pic from a girl. But it didn't take me long to start saying to myself "ah that pic maybe isn't very accurate" or "Ah it was just a fluke that I looked half ok in that pic, I'm not normally like that" blah blah blah.

I even remember a few years ago meeting some girls who were friends with a friend of mine. My friend said to me that one of her friends liked me. I had to ask her a few times if she was sure. I mean literally, a few times.

It's mad that I get compliments sometimes then just dismiss them afterwards as I think the person was just being polite or trying to make me feel better, or that they somehow didn't have all the facts and if they did, they'd change their mind (pic comments yesterday a good example).

RossFixxxed · 14-12-2009 3:58pm

Whoops sorry, read that wrong. Well I hope the OP follows suit. And I have to say, take those compliments there's no nice feeling than that really! That's all great progress.

I have to admit to having a real bad day today, I'm up at a huge level of anxiety. It's nice to read some positives and some real experience from you! I've an appointment with some head doctors tomorrow which is ironically adding to the anxiety at the moment, but I'm determined to see it through if I have to get pushed in the door in a wheelbarrow. I think making these decisions and pushing on are the real difference.

It helps to be aware that things come and go, days are good, bad, meh, and all inbetween.

mamma said life awaits
like a kidney stone
its just a broken heart son
this pain will pass away

sorry for pretentious quotes! I'll do that

LegacyUser · 14-12-2009 10:00pm

Hi guys,
I'm a 28 year old female. Suffered with depression for around 2.5 years, a lot better now. I finally plucked up the courage a few weeks ago to visit my GP, tell them about what's been going on, and asked to see a counsellor. My first appointment is tomorrow evening. Absolutely crapping it, but trying to tell myself not to be scared cos it's a really positive move and hopefully a lot of good will come from it.
I think both of you need to speak to your GP and they will help decide what you need.

Best of luck

RossFixxxed · 15-12-2009 9:26am

Brilliant, that's 3 of us with appointments now. I have to say it is definitely the best first step by a long shot. Reading books, blogs, listening to CDs or watching videos just doesn't do it. You have to ask for help and professionals who handle this are the people to go to.

The rest is a reminder to keep at it!

LegacyUser · 24-12-2009 10:46am

Hello again,

I'm not the OP but I was posting on this thread and I said I'd send an update today.

So you might have remembered but I made an appointment with my doctor and I went to see him this morning. I wasn't even sure I was going to make it because of the snow and everything around where I live but the roads became clear and driveable yesterday so I knew I had no excuse to skip it. To be honest I hadn't really planned on skipping the appointment even if the weather had been grand. Although I have to admit I was wondering last night if I even needed to go as I was feeling good.

Anyway my appointment was at 9am so I got there about 5 or 10 minutes early. I went in and basically told him that I think I might be suffering from depression. So we chatted for a good while about stuff. I'd say 20-30 minutes. I told him about my low self esteem and lack of confidence etc. We discussed different things and after a while he asked if I'd ever considered suicide (although his exact words were "have you ever considered not wanting to be here anymore?") So I said yes that I'd considered it, and wondered what it would be like but that I'd never go through with it. I meant it too. I actually don't feel like I would go through with it, so I wasn't just saying that. I mean even when I've thought about it, I knew at the same time I wouldn't go through with it. But I figured actually sitting and feeling down wondering about how you'd go through with it and how it would feel when doing it, was a bad thing and wasn't something most normal people do.

So anyway we chatted a bit more and did a bit of a test thing on paper where he asked how many times I felt a certain way over the last few weeks. I also told him about a close relative who suffers from depression. She's actually in the hospital now because of it and he knew her and he said hers was quite profound and stuff.

At the end he said he didn't think I was clinically depressed but that it could potentially become that. He has said that I should go talk to a psychologist about my self esteem and confidence issues but if I feel myself getting down again, that I shouldn't hesitate to come back to see him. He also said he didn't think I needed medication which I think is good.

So I'm glad I went to see him. He always puts me at ease and he's easy going and friendly. I definitely don't feel like all my issues have suddenly disappeared though. But then again, nothing much has changed so why would they. At least I know now that I'm not really suffering from depression at the moment and I've an idea about who to go talk to about my other issues. That was something else I was confused about. I didn't know if I needed a counsellor or some other professional. So it was good he could tell me that it was a psychologist that I needed to see.

Anyway I just thought I'd post an update. To the others on the thread who had appointments this week, I hope they went well.

Happy Christmas everyone

Am I depressed?

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