I´m playing it too cool and I´m giving him the wrong message.

LegacyUser

Okay guys, I really need some advice here before I blow it. Will try not to ramble.

Met a man recently who I really, really like. We´ve met up a few times and it´s been great BUT I´m putting my guard up with him because of a previous broken heart. I´ve made a point out of not sleeping with him because a)he´s not Irish and I´m not sure how read into the whole sleeping with someone so soon (I generally hop into bed with guys I´ve gone out with in the past on the first or second date) b)I like him so much I´m actually nervous about sleeping with him in case a whole flood of emotions I can´t deal with will come i.e. terrified of another broken heart.

So we´ve only kissed on the doorstep at the end of the night. All very quaint and not very me but as I said, I don´t want to ruin it by coming across too eager.

BUT I think I´m playing it too cool. I´m doing most of the instigating of the dates themselves but he´s definitely a lot more flirty than I am and is the one going for the kill. I´m not conciously playing it cool but I really do like this guy, first guy I´ve liked this much since the BH and I think I´m acting in way that might be seen as cold. In fact on our second date he said to me that he´s trying to flirt with me and I just seem cool and distant. We were having a good time but the whole sexual side of the dates....I´m acting like I´m 16 again (I´m 30, he´s 38).

I know he fancies me and I know he likes my personality but I know I´m blowing it. Another point is he´s Latin and I guess they´re more gregarious and tactile with their feelings....I´m not a cold person but when it comes to that side of it, I´m not acting like myself or how I want to act.

We´ve been out 4 times now and I honestly think he thinks I don´t like him. I guess I´m sending him mixed messages.....I´m the one asking him to meet and then when we meet, I´m acting like a friend more than a girl who fancies the hole of him. We´re meeting in the next few days for a coffee so no dutch courage....how do I break down that guard I´ve put up for myself over the past few years before I completely blow it with him?? How do I strike the balance between over-eagerness and playing it a wee bit cool? How do I tell him I like him without the assistance of even a glass of wine??? Sad I know but I really like this fella.

Thanks for the advice in advance guys.

Miss Fluff

Has it just been a peck at the door every time or has there been some Dora the Explora with the old hands and tongue? If not, and you're not ready to sleep with him, I suggest you take it up a notch pronto before you move into the friend zone permanently. That's all you need to do really rather than some long protracted speech over coffee.

james.xix

I think, for what your looking for ye're better meeting for coffees or going to the cinema.

That way ye can both make ye're own way their, chill out and enjoy each others company for a while and head off ye're own way.

If you think, or he thinks he's ready for you know, one of ye would after a few dates invite the other over for dinner or to watch a dvd and have some chilled out time together.

Beruthiel

I've done the below in the past and it has worked for me:

Invite him round to your place, cook him a great, candle light dinner, (3 to 4 small courses) have a glass or two of wine and then jump his bones.