cant seem to fit in in work

LegacyUser

Hi im just wondering has anyone else ever experience this?
im a bloke in my late 20s
In most of my jobs ive never had a problem fitting in after a few months, ive even made some great friends over time. But the past 7 or 8 months ive been in a job that requires alot of learning , so me not knowing too much at the start was to be expected.

But Im having two problems.

One is that even though I seem to get on with other people around the company quite well, the 7 or 8 people I work with first hand I cant seem to click with whatsoever. Its weird, they have a great laugh with each other all day but I just cant fit in, despite me being a fairly pleasant chap. It has made me quiet, and now its worse where Im starting to get very self conscious or paranoid of whether they even like me or not. One or 2 can be a bit loud/ nasty to me, but they are sometimes like that with each other, it just seems worse because I feel more sensitive too it, which is not even like me. Some of them are nice when on their own but overall Im really being left out in the cold a bit.

Second problem, fitting in wise, is that I feel for the first time in my life that I am very very slow on the uptake in the job. It feels like im not learning as quick as theyd expect me to , or even as I had expected, and once again its making me paranoid and uncomfortable working with them.

I am in a constant debate in my head , as to whether its that bunch of people that is the problem , or is it me? Ive never been like this before , and as I said i get on well with others from the company, they seem like genuinely nicer people, and I get on very well with any friendly people in general.
I have heard once or twice about people disliking my group that I work with, which makes me feel a little better.

I think I may be playing the whole thing down in this thread, because I really genuinely dread work these days. Its stressful and Im starting to hate it, its even putting me off that type of work which is a pity. And im starting to feel like the dumb flustered, clumsy quiet one which is not like me. I just seem to be making mistakes and not getting on with people etc very well.
Has anyone else ever experienced this in their lifetime?

the good news for me is that Ill be probably moving on in about a year or less even to somewhere else of the same work, its just thats a long time to feel miserable.

Any advice wold be great thanks

Taltos

You know - it might not be you and it might not be them - it could just be the atmosphere in the place.

ie - if the place has been going thru alot of out-sourcing or lay-offs then these types of scenarios do tend to bond people a bit closer. Not much you can do in the short term except to bear with it.

Also - if you get on well one to one - are you behaving differently in a group setting? You know - they might be expecting you to be similar to how you were earlier - but maybe you are not? You could be a bit more insistent than before - despite thinking you were being quiet.

Personally I would just say keep chatting to the folk one to one. Find your way slowly in the groups. Personally I am not fond of large groups and prefer smaller gatherings, I know that some might consider me stand-offish etc if they meet me in a large group - but that is just because I am not comfortable.

Why not maybe try to engage iwth one or 2 a bit more - you know - suggest going for a cup of tea and a chat every so often. Or if they are involved in anything outside of work etc see if you can wangle a place with them.

Right now you are probably just in newbie territory - you will be surprised that will suddenly change very fast without you even realising it - will probably take the next big change in work or another new face to walk in.

LegacyUser

Has anyone else ever experienced this in their lifetime?

Oh yeah, quite recently in fact. You've pretty much written a word-for-word post I almost wrote about a year ago...

Its a little late and I won't go into too much but essentially you've encountered a situation in your life that is different from what you are used to and its thrown you, thrown you so much that you've actually begun question yourself and your ability... however its how you deal with it that counts.

Taltos' advice is very good and pretty much what I would suggest too... in fact before you know it you will probably be a member of the perceived "tight knit" group and a newbie will be feeling similar to how you've been feeling.

elpresdentde

had the same problem a year ago myself i found the best way to deal with the way things were was to try and get on with people on their own. that worked for a while but i started to get very quite and because i was living away from my friends that support wasnt there for me. made some friends with other lads on diffrent shifts and sections so it wasnt all bad. but when i decided to go back to collage a factor in that decision was to get away from where i was was cause it was having a serious effect. towards the end though they started to accept me but i was nearly there a year by that point