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Dealing with sexual assault

  • 09-12-2009 6:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I found out today that my girlfriend of 8 months was raped when she was 17 by a family friend in pretty horrendous circumstances. I still love her to bits, nothing will change that, but I am struggling to know what to say, how to deal with the issue.

    To complicate things we are in the middle of a LDR so this was via skype, it came up incidentally in conversation a while back and when it came up again today and I could see something was wrong I pressed her on it and she told me the whole story.

    I have reassured her and I will again that this changes nothing, and she told me she really believes that and she is glad I know now. It's the kind of thing I wouldn't like a partner to keep from me forever. People bottle up too much and my knowing about it can only make us stronger.

    Anyway, no specific queries from me, but if anyone can advise on dealing with it, how i could do anything to help her, and share any experience in helping a partner or loved one in similar circumstances I would appreciate it.


Comments

  • #2
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    TBH, I wouldn't do much at all unless it really turns into an issue (e.g. depression, impact on love life, etc.). Otherwise you'll just rub it in her face and remind her of it. You did well assuring her that it doesn't change a thing at all, but once or twice is enough. She mentioned it to you, got it out of her system, you said it doesn't matter to you, case closed.

    Of course you should be particularly careful and pay attention to the signs she gives off when you're intimate (and at other times), but that goes without saying (for this relationship just like any other) and shouldn't be communicated anyway.


  • #3
    Shmee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭Shmee


    My gf told me a while a few weeks ago she was raped when she was young. . . this literally shred my heart and made me so... angry, upset, confused about the situation.

    This WILL change you... but only for a short while in my experience. Now ive pretty much forgotten it was ever mentioned because when i looked at it logically... it happened years ago and to put it plainly... she's the happiest/bubbliest person ive ever met. She's put it all behind her and so have i :)


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    terodil, you're exactly right. i was thinking along the same lines but it's therapeutic to share. i still feel the same way about her, and it's not going to change anything. i'm just more concerned about my role in her dealing with it. i told her if she ever wanted to talk about it or if she wanted to discuss with a professional or counsellor then i would support her fully, but other than that we're not going to bring it up.

    shmee, i know how you feel, predominantly angry at the injustice of this happening to such a wonderful girl. the mind boggles at the horrible things some people are capable of visiting on others. she has had 11 years to deal with it and she is a very strong woman, she has been through a lot besides this. telling me brought back the pain of it but it had to be done, and now i know and we can move forward.


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