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Grass is greener syndrome

  • 09-12-2009 10:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ever since I started dating girls I have had a problem with remaining faithful to them. Now in 30`s I have a great fiancee and love her to bits. I have remained true to her never cheating( not looking for praise on that) and hope never to. The problem I have is a serious one, its whenever I am in a relationship after a certain amount of time I begin to see other women( work collegues, friends of friends) in a different light and start to have feellings for them.
    Maybe its cause I find it hard to have female friends who are attractive and I can only see them as objects of desire or crushes.
    I am aware that this post may sound bigheaded or more so pigheaded but I am really in a state as I write this.
    I love my fiancee but my track record (which she is aware of) is something that keeps popping up and causes great distress.
    Has anyone here been through this. Any advice on how I can stop these thoughts of infildelity from happening.
    Also can I please ask for no advice about having a serious think about our wedding not going through or postponing it. That is not going to happen. I want to marry my fiancee and stay with her.
    Thanks for listening


Comments

  • #2
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    Since you are committed to getting married you are committed to being faithful - so where is the problem here? If it's simply in your thoughts I'd advise you to stop focusing on those thoughts; it's only when thoughts turn into actions that you've got something to worry about.


  • #3
    mbren
    Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭mbren


    Hey Op,

    I understand where you are coming from, but when you start thinking those thoughts about your colleagues, friends etc., just tell yourself that your fiancee/bride to be is hotter than these girls, as i'm presuming the crushes are purely a physical thing.

    Hope it helps dude,

    Best of luck with the marriage...


  • #4
    miec
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 856 ✭✭✭miec


    Since you are committed to getting married you are committed to being faithful - so where is the problem here? If it's simply in your thoughts I'd advise you to stop focusing on those thoughts; it's only when thoughts turn into actions that you've got something to worry about.

    + 1


  • #5
    BraziliaNZ
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,671 ✭✭✭BraziliaNZ


    i dont know, some people just get a kick out of being able to get with other women, it kind of validates them and boosts their self-esteem, even though it could possibly be destructive in the end. I always thought people would grow out of it eventually.


  • #6
    dublingal80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭dublingal80


    do you think you are feeling like this because you are getting married soon and you are starting to have cold feet... wondering if she is the right one, or if another friend could be the one

    honestly, if you are 100% happy and in love with your fiancee, you wont get any better than that and if you do act on your thoughts everything will be ruined. The grass definitely isnt greener

    A friend of mine was with a guy for 3 years. loved him but really liked someone else, cheated on her oh with this guy, then broke up with her oh to be with this guy, then realised her oh was the one she wanted but he had enough. Now, herself and the ex live around the corner from eachother, he is happily married with 2 kids and she is still single and still pines over him.


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