2009 What a bloody year.

helpme23

Heres how it goes ****.Broke up with my ex at the begining of the year first week 2 be persice.Wasnt nice since we only had got back 2gether after going on a break.Wasnt how we planned everything but it happened never the less.I got the cold feet thing and wasnt sure about the hold been a couple again it didnt feel right.We had split for six months prior to getting back 2gether but we kept in contact through out and really were still in love with eachother.But werent together we said real deep things and we were each others the one.But when we got back2gether it didnt feel right.So then it all ended for various reasons distance and all the rest.Everthing was left on a gud note like it should be because how we felt for eachother.No big regrets evn though wish it had 2 work out.Then few months later was at a lads house in college a group off us were on the internt looking at some homade amature videos.And boom thier she is getting it on with sume fella as plain as day.Homemade amature couple sex tape it said.I havent been right since my heads gunna go.

The Recliner

Helpme23 I have deleted the other threads you have started, keep it to one thread on the same subject please

LegacyUser

Thing is right i lost it text awful stuff.She tells her mammy cos she is very upset how i handled such a thing.She wanted to c the video to make sure i wasnt maken any off it up why would ya.And it all felt like she had sumting 2 hide thats why she was so upset if there was nothing to any off it why would you give a ****.She then strongly says it wasnt her and why would she do a thing like that bla bla and all the rest.But u never coudnt prove that it werent her everything is so simialar i checked out her facebook and seen a photo off her and sume guy and looks the spit of the guy in the video.Nothing 2 say it wasnt her only her and even though the video wasnt 100 percent it were 99 percent and anyone that saw a clip thought off it said it were her.How ****ed up can thngs get deep down am saying she would never do athing like that but also one part of me sayin it is her.I wouldnt care one bit but its just ruiins everything we had and ever said to each other evry thing would off been a lie.She always claimd to be honest about everthing.I cant function anymore have fallin behind in college and its got me down were i dont want to live anymore.I just feel like am the biggest loser on the planet and have ruined all that we had.includihg been like part off her family what a mess.

LegacyUser

Perhaps this is why "it didn't feel right". Always go with your gut. Imagine if you had of given it a go and then seen this video, how would you feel? Forget about her and move on her morals are questionable if she's doing this sort of thing so would you really want to be with someone like this? Best of luck 2010 is nearly her chin up : )

LegacyUser

Yea i keep telling myself that but its never that easy to just forget everything i should be alot stronger but it akways nags.So many things we both said 2 eachother and so much we both wanted for things to be right we wanted to be with each other for the long haul but things like distance and college commiments got in our way to be honest and when we got back together me not feelin the way i shoulda been.I wast happy and never seem to be and ruined it for us 2.But then this to happen and c what did and know in my mind that it could be her just made the whole thing questionable.She always said she wanted not to be with the same person for the rest of her life which is honest,and always said she wanted to be with me that i was the one.But when broke up the fist time on a break i think this might off happened sumehow.She always said how honest she was but also said how complicated she was and didnt want to hurt me again but still loved me and there were sume off the words she said when we split the first time.And if we stayed together she would only end up resnting me.She comes from a well respected family and and very nice people and to tink that she did such a thing is not like her.She did admit to taking drugs during our break as well and she was dead againts all that stuff.i just cant cope any more

PopUp

Jesus that poor girl. Everybody she knows thinks she's in a porno - whether she was or not, God love her, she must be in bits.

OP you two have been broken up for almost a year. Why are you so betrayed? Even if this is her - and that's a massive if, there are six billion people out there and everybody has a few doppelgangers. Even if it is her - you broke up, she moved on and got with someone else. There's nothing wrong with that. It's understandable you're hurt but you've no reason to be angry with her. She's allowed have sex with other people.

Now - and again IF this is her which it quite likely isn't - she has a video of herself up on the internet and every acquaintance in the neighbourhood looking at it. God love her. Did she know she was being filmed? Even if she agreed to that, some scumbag has taken that and made it public. In my book it's harassment, even assault. She didn't consent to this. The poor girl.

Ladies: the moral here is never, ever, let yourself be filmed. And if you do, NEVER give a copy to a boyfriend. Keep it yourself.

Sorry lads. But it only takes one asshole uploading it to the internet to spoil things for the rest of you.

OP your anger is misplaced. This girl owed you nothing. She moved on from you and made the mistake of trusting an asshole.

Oryx

This girl is your ex. You had plans with her, but they got shelved last year, and you said yourself it didnt feel right. So what Im hearing in your posts is not sorrow over a lost love or fury at being twotimed, its anger that she may have lied to you about who she really was and made you feel a fool.

But you are not a fool. You had a good relationship, which came to an end, as many do. Now you find theres an aspect to this girl you knew nothing of. So what? She is not a part of your life anymore. What you cant cope with right now is not what she is doing, but what she did, in hiding this part of her personality from you. And she may have had her reasons for that, it may even have been the underlying reason why you both split, because she was unfulfilled. And Im not saying at any point that she got with this guy while with you, you have no idea if it is her, when it took place. So dont beat yourself with that.

Everyone changes, you have no reason to come off all moral about this girls life now. She is not your girlfriend, you need to put her firmly in the past and move on. Dont dwell on what she did or didnt say. It doesnt mean she didnt mean it at the time, but only that she is different now.

helpme23

I only told a couple off friends this and they laughed at me for 2 think that she would do a thing like this.Saying she would not be like that and everyone i know that knows her wouldnt tink she would have a bad bone in her body.And i know realationships never always work out and for watever reasons which are understandable.But for me to c this and do what i did is something i would get over through time and know i was wrong.But to tink that she was tryin to cover up her tracks from anyone eles everfinding out and to still put me through hell of feeling like a idiot an d be able to tell her friends what happened and family what i did and said just hurts me to much.if iwas wrong i was wrong if wasnt well at least let me know that i was right and i can get on with my life and never look back.Ive been on anti depressin since and i hate every minute to have that feeling of been labled a mentalist by other people.I cant say it was her for definite because of the video but it was 99% clear and is enough for anyone to do what i done.

helpme23

It could be a case of miss trust on her behalf with sumebody eles and for that i did question what was she.But she said it wasnt her and i belived her but at the time i had bottled everthing up and i did what i done and regret it even if it was her.But i cant go on like this its ruinning my life its stoppd me from been me.And yes i am angry and so would anyone if you were in a realtionship with sumeone for a coulpe of years and we both were head over heels with eachother.Of course am angry and makbe am makeing myself more angry but me beenin who i am i dont want to hate sumeone i loved so much for the rest of my life.And i dont ever want to live mylife like i have made mistake after mistake and feel like a fool.She said even if it was her its the way i handle the whole insident and how hurtful i was 2 her when texting her.Because yes i was angry that everything was a lie and was been taking for a fool.

helpme23

fair to say when this happened we were going out at the time but we were still very close and we both knew we were gunna get back together.and if it was her at the time she wasnt been honest about herself and me and by saying she wantsd to be on her own all that kinda stuff.Nothing was concrete that says it wasnt her only that she has a tatt and the girl in the video handnt u couldnt see 100% like i said but eveything eles was exactly the same and as plain as day.Nothing bothers me more than lies.And if it was her she knew what was going on.I didnt tell anyone about this thats why all this happend so know one was spreading it like wild fire.so if i did make a mistake i bow my head in shame at how i handle it i was very upset and depressd and is never gud for ones mind.It has really made my life hell and hard to trust people.

helpme23

I dont want to meet her and have to discuss it again its bad we were meant to be together and all this put it to an end because me i cant live like this anymore i want to just get up and leave cos if i dont i know it will be a sad ending for my family.

Barracudaincork

OP please book an apt ASAP to see your doctor. Im not a doctor but i can see from your continous posting (without replies from others) that you are distraught over this and some of your sentences illude to you hurting yourself etc

Right now your head appears to be all over the place, for whatever reason, you need to talk to someone regarding this, venting on boards will not be enough.

Call your doctor before you write back here!

LegacyUser

Have been to doctors ever since but feel like nothing gets better.What can anyone do to help with anything like this.Nothing not a thing take sum tablets and you will feel better.That doesnt work sume times talking openly helps sooth things i havent been in a gu place for along time and this keeps coming back to haunt and ruin my life.

The Recliner

helpme23 I suggest you take the advice here and visit your doctor or see a counsellor

On a side note you started this thread with a registered account and are now posting Unregistered, this doesn't make a huge amount of sense, if you are happy enough to use the registered account then please do, it will mean you wont have to wait for your posts to be approved

PopUp

help23 wrote: »

Have been to doctors ever since but feel like nothing gets better.What can anyone do to help with anything like this.Nothing not a thing take sum tablets and you will feel better.That doesnt work sume times talking openly helps sooth things i havent been in a gu place for along time and this keeps coming back to haunt and ruin my life.

Your doctor can recommend a counsellor or even a psychiatrist who can talk to you about these things and work through your feelings about them far better than we can.

I am actually regretting my initial post because everything you've posted is so confused and I'm sure not what's actually happened vs. what you're imagining/fearing happened.

Please go to the doctor.

helpme23

Yea alright thanks for that popup but i have been to all of thoese kinda people and to be honest dont c what help they can provide in this case because they dont know what am going through even when you spill the whole thruth.What way can they fix this mess.I seen what i saw and reacted had no one to turn to at the time was convinced about what i saw and it still hurts me now what happened.So no doctor or councilour or psychiatrist is or able to lift these feelings from within anyone.They will only listen and then tell u your wrong.

Danniboo

helpme23 wrote: »

Yea alright thanks for that popup but i have been to all of thoese kinda people and to be honest dont c what help they can provide in this case because they dont know what am going through even when you spill the whole thruth.What way can they fix this mess.I seen what i saw and reacted had no one to turn to at the time was convinced about what i saw and it still hurts me now what happened.So no doctor or councilour or psychiatrist is or able to lift these feelings from within anyone.They will only listen and then tell u your wrong.

I'm not underestimating your feelings here, but counsellors deal with way worse issues than this every single day I would be more worried about your ability to pick yourself back up and how depressed your feeling than anything. We all go through break ups, but the fact you'd already broken up with this girl and because you think you may have discovered a side of her you don't like doesn't seem like an issue that such warrant feeling of despair. Again, i'm not undermining you but I just think that this runs deeper than just the fact your ex may or may not have been in some sleazy video. If I seen one of my ex's doing something like that, i'd like haf f****g creep, good riddance to bad rubbish.

Wagon

It's pretty soul destroying to find something like that because as you said, getting back together was on the cards with her and you were both very close. If i was in your position id react in the same way. Get to a councellor mate. I know it might seem like a bit much but judging from your posts this is absolutely killing you and you need to let it out to someone.

helpme23

Its all a mess hate myself for it if i had to say nothing it would of ate me altogether but the way i do things is act first tink later.No i couldnt fully prove it was her but it was the complete double of her.The whole ting keeps coming back to haunt me all the time and that just gets me down so much.Always tinkn wat if is her she lying just to protect her image.Saying it isnt and so.It just annoys me so much 2 tink she is lying and am going through this tourture.People would say that its not her if they heard this and knew who i was talking about but if they seen the fottage they would be very questionable.It just ruins everything we once had eiterway and that pissis me off 2.what a mess.