How do I read this

LegacyUser

Split up with Long Term Partner a year ago, He left after treating me very very badyly. There are children involved. The last year has been horrible with a lot of anger on both sides

Today at a hospital appointment I plucked up the courage to tell him I missed him, He looked at me called me to come over to him and I got upset and hurried off, I looked back a few times and he was standing there staring at me.. for ages.

I'm sort of regreting not going over to him but then again he left me.

I dont know how to read this situation? Someone that knows us both (but on a professional level) reckons he still has feelings. Am I just clutching at straws here?

RossFixxxed

Straws? Nothing so pleasant. You clearly split for a reason, his treating you badly, or as you say VERY VERY badly... that's not good.

His feelings shouldn't be important here, and if he's that bad then don't get involved. Flirting with a bad situation like this is not going to end well.

Your post doesn't say much else really... You seem to want to get with him. WHY?

Barracudaincork

headwreaked wrote: »

Split up with Long Term Partner a year ago, He left after treating me very very badyly. There are children involved. quote]

Two great reasons not to have gone over to him, if you ask me. You dont need to be treated badly and your children dont need to see or hear you being treated badly.

taram

Even if he has feelings they didn't stop him from treating you badly the first time!

If you get back with him it's likely it's just going to go back to how it was, you have to think of yourself and your children's feelings, how bad that anger was. People don't change in only a year.

LegacyUser

Yeah I know I was badly treated

But the problem is I love him and there are kids involved, it makes it so much harder.

And I hate myself for loving someone who did treat me badly

dublingal80

hi op

none of us can read the situation because of a look he gave you. if you still have feelings for him and want to be with him, and especially since you have kids, you need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel. its the only way to know what he thinks

AvaKinder

To be honest unless the kids are too young to know any better getting back with your ex, or toying with the idea could be more harmful to the children if it doesn't work out a second time.

If they are old enough to realise their father and you arent together and that he doesn't live with them and have gotten used to that changing it all now might make it more confusing.

Thats not to say it couldn't all work out but you need to tread very carefully and if you do start seeing him again I'd keep that fact from the kids until you are positive it will work out and you are both commited.

Seeing your parents in an on/off relationship is most likely more harmful to your development than a single split from a bad situation.

AngryBadger

devils advocate;

You maintain there was abuse of you by him, yet you miss this guy, and when he beckoned you toward him you started crying and ran off.

Honestly? I'm hard pressed to see how you're not being a pure drama queen over whatever happened between ye.

james.xix

Did he leave after treating you badly? If so firstly I hope he’s apologised and has made up for that.
If not, it’s ok what you said to him today but it’s down to him now to come to you.

ash23

I think that although you miss him your gut reaction was to run away and rightly so.
In my own experience my ex dumped me. I was broken hearted, children involved etc. After a week he came to talk to me and asked me to give it another go but told me he had cheated on me (as I'd suspected) and had been with this girl in the week since splitting with me.
I asked him was he willing to go to counselling, work on getting my trust back (this girl was a friend of a friend so I asked that he not go to them overnight unless I was there for the first while anyway). He refused. When I asked how I was meant to trust him he said that by dumping this girl again, she'd have nothing to do with him again :rolleyes:. I realised that it was futile to try again and although I wanted nothing more than to get back with him, I turned him down.

I did spend hours thinking about it, I even changed my mind back and forth a couple of times but deep down I knew I'd made the righ decision.

You might miss him, and might even still have feelings for him but you know in your heart of hearts that it wouldn't work out and you'd get hurt again. Thats why you panicked and ran away.

If I'm honest I think he was looking at you out of guilt and pity. I very much doubt he wants you back. He was probably just surprised that you said it and wanted to comfort you out of guilt but I'd imagine his reaction would have been "you know we're better off apart" etc etc.

You need to accept it's over and stop looking for meaning in something meaningless. Thats the first step to moving on. Accepting that it's done.