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Friend goes AWOL

  • 08-12-2009 2:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I have a friend who I have known for 17 years or so. We have been very close for many of those years, but as we got older we have seen each other less and less frequently.

    My friend has been going through a really tough time these past 5 years. Has had more heartbreak than anybody has any right to bear really and she has lost people very close to her.

    The problem is that I want to help her but cannot. She goes AWOL and won't answer calls/texts/emails for weeks/months on end and then after a while, she will pop back up again. When she does pop back into communication it is like she was never missing. Nothing is said. I do try to contact her, but I don't keep at her as I want to respect her wishes. I can't physically pop over to see her as we live a bit apart.

    I miss her when she is AWOL. She is truly a fabulous person who I care about and has been a really good friend to me down the years. Her family have asked me to try to keep in touch with her but I am not very successful. It is not just me by the way, she breaks contact with all her friends that I know.

    I believe she is suffering depression and is having a hard time, especially at the moment. I want to help her.

    Anybody any suggestions on an approach here. Should I leave her alone? Should I keep trying to contact her. Should I give up on my old friend?


Comments

  • #2
    RossFixxxed
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭RossFixxxed


    Don't diagnose her. Let a professional do that IF one is required.

    Right have you tried asking her outright what is going on? If she' snot bothering ther isn't much you can do but an open conversation might well help. Don't go in with guns blazing mentioning depression, even if she does have it it's not the way to start. Bring it up, get the info and let her tell you.

    If she's intent on being mysterious and avoiding you she will. Maybe she likes space, or gets caught in whirlwind romances, or like some of us is working all the bloody time and can't get to see / talk to people. It can be easy to drift.


  • #3
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    yeah it shouldnt be the burden of other people when its this serious. suggest she talks to a professional, especially if she suffers from depression.


  • #4
    OS119
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,518 ✭✭✭OS119


    sorry, i don't - from your post - see what the problem is.

    your friend, an adult, either goes away or just stops taking your calls/emails/texts for a few months and then returns as and when she likes. you say that when she returns its like she's never been away and she just picks up where she left off.

    she's an adult, she can be friends - or not - with whoever and whenever she likes. while she may have problems to deal with (don't we all), the only problem i can see here is 'my friend goes away, doesn't involve me or others, and returns just as happy or sad as she was before. i don't feel needed - how can this person not need to be in regular contact with me, she's obviously ill.'

    if thats not the case, perhaps you need to put more detail into your posts about how this 'going AWOL' negatively effects her...


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