in lust with a woman and uncomfortable

LegacyUser

basically im seeing a counselor, and basically ive developed a deep feeling of lust towards her, she is quite sexually attractive and she probably knows i think this, , i should say im at a good place in all this and have healed past hurts from my childhood so im not at a pivotal time in all this.

it definalty isnt love im feeling for her just lust and it doesn't help that she dresses very sexy considering its a consoling session, its becoming a bit uncomfortable for me to be in the room with her, so should i say this to her or request a different counselor, i do get that it could be just that im opening up to a person in ways you wouldnt usually and that could be the turn on

Yes, you should discuss this with your counsellor. You appear to be experiencing "transference" which is quite common in psychotherapy, particularly when issues from childhood are being addressed ... so don't feel uncomfortable about it.

Assuming she knows what she's doing, she won't be at all surprised and will help you work through this stage of your therapy.

LegacyUser

to be honest i find the thought of telling my counselor that i find her sexually attractive quite daunting, i will say im not unfamiliar with psychotherapy but i thought transference applied only to feelings of love and not sexual attraction,

LegacyUser

Not everything in psychotherapy is transference. OP says she is attractive so maybe she is attractive person i.e he would be attracted to her if he met her at work etc. I know i have felt this about one particular woman I met in counselling but not in others.

Best is to tell her

hollis12

well in fairness how does she dress sexy, could it be in your mind a symptom of your lust or do you think she genuinely dresses unprofessionally then it could be a problem, there have been counselors who have known about this feeling in their clients and loved the attention!

LegacyUser

hollis12 wrote: »

well in fairness how does she dress sexy, could it be in your mind a symptom of your lust or do you think she genuinely dresses unprofessionally then it could be a problem, there have been counselors who have known about this feeling in their clients and loved the attention!

In fact there is also a counter transference where the therapist can be attracted to the client. I think it was Alexander Pope whose research found a large % of therapists were sexually attracted to client. Some therapists will take advantage of it, usually men with women I think.

And transference can be sexual too as well as love as someone asked. In fact it can be anything the client felt for others including anger, negative transference

Op I hope you have chosen therapist well some are not to be trusted and have significant problems themselves. I have experience of this though it was not sexual

LegacyUser

well she dresses in a way i find sexy, leather boots and for some reason always has her cardigan draped over one shoulder, wheter or not this is deliberate is irrelevant. im at a point in therapy were it really is only a formality as im quite healed from any childhood trauma i had so im just going to therapy for a few months of finishing up sessions, but i do find this very distraction once again i know it isnt love because it wouldnt bother me not to see her once therapy's finished but i do have the problem of arousal during sessions

LegacyUser

I am not going to waste my time putting up more advice to have it filtered out

sunset_grace

well im a counselor and that really sounds more like sexual attraction than transference which is much more love based, does she dress provocatively? if you feel sexually aroused during the sessions it would make things difficult for you to really open up

LegacyUser

well i do find her sexually attractive how ever she dresses, so should i tell her i find her sexually attractive or will i just say attractive and hopefully shell know what i mean, i dont want to embarrass the girl, and i dont want to ruin the rest of my therapy.

Zaph

unregistered wrote: »

I am not going to waste my time putting up more advice to have it filtered out

Nothing has been filtered out. All unregistered posts on Boards must be approved by a moderator of the relevant forum. Now however inconvenient it may be to you, the mods do this work voluntarily and have their own lives to lead. Consequently there may be periods when there are no mods around. All we ask for is a little patience sometimes.

LegacyUser

op here wrote: »

well i do find her sexually attractive how ever she dresses, so should i tell her i find her sexually attractive or will i just say attractive and hopefully shell know what i mean, i dont want to embarrass the girl, and i dont want to ruin the rest of my therapy.

Do not worry about embarrassing her she is being paid for it and it is about you. The fact that you are concerned about her though would suggest that you are transferring more than lust. You should explain it all - the sexual thing and the bit that you do not want to embarras her.

LegacyUser

Zaph wrote: »

All unregistered posts on Boards must be approved by a moderator of the relevant forum. .

can an anonymous poster appeal if a post is not put up.

Zaph

unregistered wrote: »

can an anonymous poster appeal if a post is not put up.

If you need to ask about a specific post please PM me or any of the other PI mods rather than taking this thread off-topic. I realise that this will remove your anonymity, however you can rest assured that discretion is paramount in this forum and your identity will go no further.

CDfm

OP - the councellor you are seeing is doing a job and it is either benefiting you or not.

If you feel your attraction for her means you are not getting what you need you should probably tell her. If you have been refered to her by a GP then go back to your GP and discuss it.

LegacyUser

unreg guest thanks for the advice there defiantly isnt more than love going on here, i simply dont want to embarrass her because it would be more awkward for me then! that counter transference is making sense to be honest she is acting in a way that does make me uncomfortable, most of the time for example she speaks in a professional tone but lately she speaks in a very feminine manner, and a lot of other things that i find a bit, hard to be around like her constant playing with her blouse or hair.

can i be frank

ill go public and say that im the op here, i was a bit embarrassed by the issue but im only human i suppose, just to say again its defiantly not love im feeling but it is quite disconcerting some of the things she does during therapy.

LegacyUser

can i be frank wrote: »

ill go public and say that im the op here, i was a bit embarrassed by the issue but im only human i suppose, just to say again its defiantly not love im feeling but it is quite disconcerting some of the things she does during therapy.

What age are you if you do not mind me asking and what age about is she? If you can say what "is quite disconcerting some of the things she does during therapy" then post it. But I would be walking if I felt uncomfortable during therapy, after all its your money and your time . You should not find behavior disconcerting.

.

can i be frank

i am late twenties and shes early thirties, she never touches me or anything but she always asks how comfortable i feel with her which is fair enough but after 5 mins in she takes her cardigan off and shes wearing a fairly low cut top, and plays with the heme line a bit, she clearly sees this makes me uncomfortable because i get flustered at which point she crosses her legs several times and asks how i feel,

CDfm

CIBF - that aint good - she should know it makes you uncomfortable. My advice is go back to your GP and look at the alternatives.

can i be frank

i didnt go through a gp, but i will say im posting here first because im looking for advice, maybe i just think she knows it makes me uncomfortable but she always seems to ask how i feel when im most aroused so to speak

CDfm

CIBF - I had an extremely hot doctor- a few years back. I didnt have feelings for her though. If I did it would have been my feelings and not hers.

Your woman -isnt a mind reader but maybe she does know how to cross her legs etc. Who knows. I don't. If she is properly qualified its probably innocent.

If you need councelling you are far far better getting a referal from your GP who can monitor your progress/quality control it and deal with the problems so you dont have too.

Thats my view.

can i be frank

thanks for the advice man but i wouldnt trust a gp not to be patronising to me about a issue i know more about than him (child abuse) i couldnt sit there and listen to what he thinks is best

CDfm

Then change your GP to one you can trust and relate to

can i be frank

id rather leave the gp out of it, i went down that path before and if the consoling attraction gets worse i will find a new counsolor myself