Am I being petty

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm going unreg for this for obvious reasons. I'm with my bf 2 years now and can't let some issues from our past go, am I being petty or would you be mad too? I was introduced to my bf through a female friend of his who is a friend of a friend. He used to meet her for a drink after work, she used to call up to his house and make him dinner and go for drinks, way overstepped the mark in my case.

Anyways one New Years we were in a pub when some very drunk guy started telling me he'd just being dumped and was going to kill himself I was very upset by this and tried to comfort him. My bf didn't even stop to see that I was in tears and stormed out of the pub as he said I was just all over some guy. I eventually phoned him and explained then we were walking up town and he met his ex and starts hugging out of her and asking her how she was, havin just left the pub coz I was "all over some guy".

Anyways his ex used to call to his house and clean it for him when he wasn't there(he'd leave a key) obviously he'd pay her and I was suppose to be fine with this. Moving on an ex of mine who was still a good mate ended up staying in my house one night(nothing happened) and I know I would never have bertrayed his trust like this if it wasn't for the way he treated me and his double standards.

When it got out about my ex staying over he went and told the friend who introduced us, we broke up and got back together,however the friend did her level best to break us up and was bitching about me and making up stories to him. I even found out she used an embarrassing female complaint of mine just to get a dig in (she told him all the details about "this girl" but never said my name but it was blatlently obvious what she was at").

Anyways sorry for making this so long winded but there's no short version. I guess what my issue is is that he never once said he was sorry for sitting down and listening to her bitch about me or for believing her over me, in fact he only stopped talking to her because she was caught out bitching about him.

If he once said i'm sorry I could move on but he never accepts that it was horrible the way they treated me, he even went as far as to say "are you jealous" when I brought her up. Basically this and his relationship with his ex is what bugs me because when I made that mistake I was treated like an absolute outcast because of it I stopped eating and everything because of it.It's 2 years on now and this girl really makes my blood boil still and it makes me even more annoyed because he can't just say that was so wrong, am I being petty or would you still be mad. (Sorry bout the essay)

Barracudaincork

I dont know if petty is the right word, but i do think you need to get over it! Its been two years now and you still are hung up over an ex of his, how long do you plan on making yourself miserable for? Sorry to be blunt you sound upset granted but you also are full of woe is me, you have a choice here, to either forget it or dwell on it so much you will continue to make yourself miserable.

I also happen to think there is more here than meets the eye as IMO if you were in a happy healthy normal relationship you would of gotten over this by now.

There is a great saying "dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things!"

LegacyUser

Barracudaincork wrote: »

I dont know if petty is the right word, but i do think you need to get over it! Its been two years now and you still are hung up over an ex of his, how long do you plan on making yourself miserable for? Sorry to be blunt you sound upset granted but you also are full of woe is me, you have a choice here, to either forget it or dwell on it so much you will continue to make yourself miserable.

I also happen to think there is more here than meets the eye as IMO if you were in a happy healthy normal relationship you would of gotten over this by now.

There is a great saying "dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things!"

Its not his ex i'm bothered about really its his "friend". It's just the fact that he thinks it was okay to treat me like this. You're right I do need to get over this but he often will criticise me for something i'll do and she always pops up of a perfect example of how he did the exact same thing. He gets in a huff for me even being out in male company and yet he can do what he likes.

Barracudaincork

Sorry i misunderstood, however as you agreed you need to get over it.

It does sound like he has double standards and comparing you to anyone is wrong, you are your own person and not even your f*rts will smell like anyone elses, he needs to realise that too!

However OP, its been two years and things havent changed, i could be wrong but chances are they wont change now either. Also him getting in a huff if you are out with male friends screams of someone who wants to control you.

I could be wrong but you dont sound happy in this relationship, yes there may be happy occassions and aspects but i really believe if you were truly happy this issue wouldnt be such a deal to you.

Its not easy to walk away from two years of a relationship but its even harder to stay in an unhappy controlling one.

tbh

op, life is too short to be in a relationship like that.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for all your responses, it all sounds awful but we have a lot of good times aswell and he has a really good heart. I just really wish he'd get over the jealousy. Like if he drives by where my ex works he'll stare into the shop or if he sees him i'll get the full run down on who he was with or how he looks a state. There the other day I seen his ex and simply said I seen ***** earlier and he started rolling his eyes. I'm not the jealous type but he shouldn't be allowed treat me like a second fiddle with some other girl and expect me to be fine with it then lose all sense or reason because i'm out with some male friends. Sorry for babbling on guess I just need to vent. Now that you mention the "control" issue his "friend" is a complete control freak maybe some sort of a pattern, who knows?

Barracudaincork

confusedmuch? wrote: »

he shouldn't be allowed treat me like a second fiddle

OP he didnt go to court and get a license to do this, the only person who allowed him too is you! You are letting him treat you like this, i know you may think oh but i dont want him too and didnt encourage him too but the fact is you have.

He isnt going to change and if anything he may get worse, especially if he is even denying he is jealous. Although i do feel he may be more insecure than jealous!

LegacyUser

Thanks barracudaincork, yeah he probably is a bit insecure.

Redpunto

it sounds like neither of you are mature enough to have a mature relationship - being with someone you love shouldnt be that hard work

LegacyUser

Redpunto wrote: »

it sounds like neither of you are mature enough to have a mature relationship - being with someone you love shouldnt be that hard work

In all fairness you don't know me..