I just don't know what to do!

sadguy

I'm a 17 year old guy. I used always be happy until I went into secondary school. In first year it started off in October and I finally got up the courage to tell a teacher and I thought everything was going to be okay. It got a lot worse I was pi**ed on and all my books were and they forced me to lick it. I then started to skip a lot of school. Then in 2nd year things started to improve. I made some knew friends etc. I was really happy again. Then when my friends were talking about girls I felt nothing for them and I was thinking that it would come. Then I started to notice that I was sexually attracted to guys. I then went into 3rd year and what ever friend I had made started to notice I wasn't attracted to girls. They then started to say I sounded gay and looked gay They started to call me a f*g and other names. I did not want to be gay and still hate it. I hate the fact I'm never going to be normal. I have hardly any friends and the one I have only make me feel bad about myself! I'm at a point mow where I just want to die. My parents wouldn't accept me if I came out. Any advice on what I should do?

MizzLolly

Sadguy, the last thing you want to do right now is die. You're so young, you don't know who you are or what you're like yet. The fun part is discovering all of these things.

You've been unlucky in school but one thing I can promise you is that what you went through does not reflect what happens in the real world. Secondary school can be awful, in my own experience it was the most depressing, hopeless situation I ever found myself in. Day in day out and I just wished I could leave school. The scumbags ran the place, if you were in anyway intelligent you were put right down the bottom of the food chain. And the teachers didn't do a damn thing about it, most of them were terrified. My French teacher was even threatened at knife point once. It was truly a sickening environment.

But I kept at it and I did my leaving cert and got the hell out of there and into a great course. I graduated with my degree this year and am doing a Masters now. I had plenty to live for, it just never felt that way when I was in that school in a small rural town.

In relation to you being gay, well, remember that this is totally normal too. I have gay friends who were always awkward growing up until they finally 'came out' and became comfortable with who they are. Now that they don't try to hide themselves anymore they're some of the coolest people I know. One of my college supervisors who is an absolute legend is gay too. This has no reflection whatsoever on how much we respect him. Anyone with any intelligence wont give a crap about who you're attracted to. It does not make you any less of a person. You're worth just as much (and more) than those guys in your class.

I can't tell from your post if you're still in school or not but you need to bring the bullying back to the teacher's attention if you are. Also, you will make friends and you will feel comfortable someday. Right now it feels like everyone is against you but it will pass as soon as you get away from school and are allowed to become your own person. Don't force anything, stay proud, keep your head up and everything will come right for you. You've got loads to live for and I know that you can have a very happy life. Just don't believe that what happens in school is how it will always be. It couldn't be further from the truth!

imported_guy

hobbies help alot in these situations, join a sport that you like, i do boxing on and off and mainly do body building, im not homosexual etc, but i used to be shy and stuff, and im more confident now.
i did this by first photoshoping my pics into what i wanted to look like, and then wanted started working towards it (this motivates a ton, you know what your end goal is etc)

but say you want to study/do better at the leaving

pick up an exam paper, solve the answers using books, and if you get a 100% according to your marking scheme, work towards getting it without the book, and you will start getting a score close to it. because it will motivate you, there are probably religious couinclers etc which help with homosexuality issues, if your religious you should maybe look into it, if not no one really cares if someone they know is homosexual we live in 2010 nearly now

im guessing your a bit of a push over/get bullied, and are not very confident (sorry if i sound arrogant), so my advice was based on what worked for me, it may or may not work for you, im just saying you know, no one would pee on you if you were 6'5" 250 pounds of muscle.

auerillo

sadguy wrote: »

I'm a 17 year old guy. I used always be happy until I went into secondary school. In first year it started off in October and I finally got up the courage to tell a teacher and I thought everything was going to be okay. It got a lot worse I was pi**ed on and all my books were and they forced me to lick it. I then started to skip a lot of school. Then in 2nd year things started to improve. I made some knew friends etc. I was really happy again. Then when my friends were talking about girls I felt nothing for them and I was thinking that it would come. Then I started to notice that I was sexually attracted to guys. I then went into 3rd year and what ever friend I had made started to notice I wasn't attracted to girls. They then started to say I sounded gay and looked gay They started to call me a f*g and other names. I did not want to be gay and still hate it. I hate the fact I'm never going to be normal. I have hardly any friends and the one I have only make me feel bad about myself! I'm at a point mow where I just want to die. My parents wouldn't accept me if I came out. Any advice on what I should do?

Being gay is normal, and that you appear to think it abnormal is, perhaps, part of the problem.

If you think your parents won't accept you (many gay people think that and are surprised to find that their parents are supportive and understanding), then don't tell them until you are ready to do so, which might be weeks or years away.

Many gay people have been through what you have been through, and it might be useful to find out about their experiences to help you through your current difficulties. Perhaps as a first step you could try calling the folowing which is for gay men in your situation;

Gay Switchboard Dublin

• 01 872 1055.

Or perhaps you think one of the other helplines here http://www.queerid.com/gay-ireland-directory/health-and-support.aspx
might be more suitable for you.

LegacyUser

I really feel for you OP - it sounds like you're having a really hard time of it.

Are you still in school, studying for the Leaving?
If you are, then one word - college. Honestly, it could be what changes everything for you. No matter where you go or what you do, it's a fresh start, somewhere YOU will be in control. The kinda people who would piss on someone are unlikely to ever have the desire or the ability to go to college. You're 17, so you can't have that long left. Stick it out, get your head in the books and concentrate on the fact that in a year or two, you'll be out of there. Generally (there are always exceptions to the rules) boys have copped themselves on ALOT by college, and you won't have to be treated that way.

As for being gay - where's the hurry in telling your parents? It's likely that they'll be alot more understanding than you think, they may even already suspect but don't want to broach it with you. Either way, you're 17 - there's years yet. Wait till you're in a better place in your life.

Hold in there - things WILL get better. Don't give up hope.

magneticimpulse

These people were truly awful. Sounds like you could have reported them to the police for what they did.

Do you have plans to go to University? I think once you leave school, you will find people and groups which you fit into more. If you are going to University they have LGB groups, lesbian gay and bisexual. It doesnt sound like you have dated male or females? Do you really have strong feelings for guys? Do you go to an all male school? Have you had much contact with females? I suppose if you know you are gay you are. But dont let people tell you that you are. When I was 17 girls kept calling me lesbian because I didnt have a boyfriend. I wasnt lesbian, but just was very shy about guys. Its just part of teasing which jealous people do to put you down and feel good about themselves.

Please keep your chin up. It is very acceptable to be gay, and over time you will be more confident in yourself. Yes it might not be the easiest thing to accept straight away for your family. But they are your family and they love you either way. Once your happy in life thats all that matters.

kittenkiller

I feel so bad for you sadguy.

Are you 100% sure that your parents won't understand?
You'd be surprised how much they can take when it's their baby that's suffering and in trouble.
I've never had to come out to mine, but when I've gone to them about big serious issues, even though we're not the closest, touchy feely family, they've been there for me and supported me.

All parents expect to have unexpected news from their kids, they just don't let you know because they don't want to put ideas in your head!

Could you tell them about the bullying to begin with?
Move from there.
If they ask what the bullying is about it would give you a perfect opportunity to tell them about how confused you've been feeling.
Would moving schools be an option?
I went to one of those 5th and 6th year only schools to do my leaving and almost everyone there saw starting in a new school as a new start and a chance to re-create themselves as someone new without the pre-conceptions that a rough past can bring.

Whatever you decide to do, you must tell someone about the bullying and have it stopped.
You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let a few morons take away that anticipation and excitement!

Best of luck.

AngryBadger

Listen mate, if you're into other guys there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I suspect that your friends don't even reslise how insensitive their remarks are, they're simple picking up on a element of your character and they're taking the mick because that's what gu do, we take the piss out of each other.

For what it's worth I'd suggest trying to laugh off their remarks, if they seem genuinely serious then I'd pull them up on it, if it seems like it might be them making a very poor joke then I'd try to laugh it off.

Most importantly though, it's important you don't start, (or indeed continue!) to feel there's something wrong with you because you think you're into guys.

There's nothing wrong with being into other guys if that's the way you feel, it takes all sorts, but saying that I do realise that it can be difficult to deal with being in this situation.

Best of luck OP!

Nevyn

Don't put up with being bullied talk to a teacher you can trust about it, you don't have to mention your sexuality.

It does sound like you need help and support, have you heard of
http://www.belongto.org/ireland.aspx