People think I am arrogant

LegacyUser

I am a 23 year old woman and am perplexed as to why some people (not most, just some) seem to think I am arrogant and treat me like I need taking down a peg or two. It's most apparent in my college classes (I'm doing a postgrad and taking a language module at night), for example last week, I spoke up and read out a sentence and the teacher really embarrassed me as I had trouble pronouncing one of the words and it sounded bad, but rather than just correcting me, he sort of acted like 'see, it's not so easy', but I never thought it was! I have terribly low self esteem and barely ever muster up the courage to speak at all in class, and am especially self conscious about my foreign language pronunciation. That class has well and truly knocked my confidence - I had intended to seek out a language exchange group but now I feel far too embarrassed and that everyone will just laugh at how bad I am.

I also get this in some of my seminars, when I do muster up the courage to say something (which isn't often, as I feel like I have nothing to say, or that I will be laughed at), it gets picked apart and I get made feel stupid - and it isn't just my paranoia, as some of my friends have noticed it and noticed that some teachers don't seem to like me. I have no idea why this is. I am a very self deprecating person and never boast or anything like that. I tend to be negative and don't believe in my ability so I have no idea how I am coming across to some as arrogant. During undergrad, I hadn't even the confidence or self esteem to go out, I never had a boyfriend and used to sit in on my own feeling lonely and depressed and with counselling and a great boyfriend, this has improved and I have an almost normal life now, but this problem is getting me down a lot. I feel like packing it all in.

imported_guy

notarrogant wrote: »

I am a 23 year old woman and am perplexed as to why some people (not most, just some) seem to think I am arrogant and treat me like I need taking down a peg or two. It's most apparent in my college classes (I'm doing a postgrad and taking a language module at night), for example last week, I spoke up and read out a sentence and the teacher really embarrassed me as I had trouble pronouncing one of the words and it sounded bad, but rather than just correcting me, he sort of acted like 'see, it's not so easy', but I never thought it was! I have terribly low self esteem and barely ever muster up the courage to speak at all in class, and am especially self conscious about my foreign language pronunciation. That class has well and truly knocked my confidence - I had intended to seek out a language exchange group but now I feel far too embarrassed and that everyone will just laugh at how bad I am.

I also get this in some of my seminars, when I do muster up the courage to say something (which isn't often, as I feel like I have nothing to say, or that I will be laughed at), it gets picked apart and I get made feel stupid - and it isn't just my paranoia, as some of my friends have noticed it and noticed that some teachers don't seem to like me. I have no idea why this is. I am a very self deprecating person and never boast or anything like that. I tend to be negative and don't believe in my ability so I have no idea how I am coming across to some as arrogant. During undergrad, I hadn't even the confidence or self esteem to go out, I never had a boyfriend and used to sit in on my own feeling lonely and depressed and with counselling and a great boyfriend, this has improved and I have an almost normal life now, but this problem is getting me down a lot. I feel like packing it all in.

meh happens to me too, i wouldnt call you arrogant though...?, i usually ignore it, i do feel like getting up and beating the s out of who ever says a smart comment/silly laugh etc, and i know it wouldnt end well for the person since im pretty big guy (5"10 200lbs with 8% body fat.) but then again im in a class of 17 other guys and this happens alot and is pretty normal "ohhh jeezzz shut up will ya" it just p1sses me off, they are just being plain rude.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Difficult to say without meeting you. Is it possible that they are misconstruing shyness for arrogance? I mean, you say you "didn't have the confidence to go out", but this may have been misinterpreted as if you felt you weren't interested in the people you were going out with.

Also, you may have set your standards too high. You say you're embrassed at being seen to fail with langages. Sopmetimes failing and laughing at yourself is the best way to relax and show people that you are anythign but arrogant.

unclecessna

I used to have the same problem when I was a little younger(I'm 25 now).

In my case I really enjoyed secondary school, had great friends etc. and then after the leaving cert I ended up not really doing something that I wanted to be doing.

It seemed to me at the time that all my old school friends had drifted away and were very happy in themselves with their respective college courses or jobs. I was happy for them but at the same time I felt left out and their being so happy in themselves just seemed to highlight the fact that I wasn't even more so.

Anyway I feel myself that when people are not happy or are troubled in some way they tend to manifest this in various ways even though they may be trying hard to hide it. - I came across as arrogant even though I was much the way you describe yourself in terms of personality at the time. I think because I felt weak as a person when stacked up against others I behaved too self-assured to mask it and in doing so I came off as being arrogant.

I was being curt and probably seemed uninterested in what others had to say though I did not realise that at the time - probably because I was so focused on myself. And like you people mentioned it to me at the time and I hadn't a clue where they had got the idea that I was arrogant from.

Fast-forward a few years and having done a lot more growing-up I don't have this problem anymore - actually people think I am quite humble now.

My advice for what it's worth is try not to dwell on yourself and your problems too much. Try and think about others more and make an effort to just chat with as many people as you can, even just someone like a shop assistant about trivial things for a minute or two every day. I honestly think that if you try this for the next few months you will start to see a change in yourself.

And it always helps to smile

Good luck!

LegacyUser

I do laugh at myself. In fact, I put myself down so much that people complained that I was negative and gloomy, so I am now trying to be more out there and positive, only to be called arrogant! Someone asked me if I spoke French fluently the other day, in the past I would've said no (even though I have a very high level) but this time I said yes, then they started talking to me in French and told me my accent wasn't really good - this is the reason I always put myself down! So people don't think I'm too big for my boots. It's crazy that some people seem to think I have this huge ego that needs deflating when in fact some days I can barely face going outside and almost shake with nerves when speaking in public.

unclecessna

I also think the previous posters comment - Ikky Poo2 - is very good.

enry

why do you give a f**k if someone/people think your arrongant. life is short and most people are d**kheads.

personally i dont give a f**k about 99 percent of people i deal with on a daily basis and i find life is good. if i was spending money on a course and a teacher gave me S**t i would put him/her in their place. you should have a word with the f**ker after class.

Zaph

enry wrote: »

why do you give a f**k if someone/people think your arrongant. life is short and most people are d**kheads.

personally i dont give a f**k about 99 percent of people i deal with on a daily basis and i find life is good. if i was spending money on a course and a teacher gave me S**t i would put him/her in their place. you should have a word with the f**ker after class.

enry, kindly moderate your tone and language if you wish to retain posting privileges in this forum.