Lack of conversation skills

LegacyUser

I think i may need some help with some conversation skills. I don't know how it happens but every single time conversations always go dead fairly quickly. The problem is that i don't know them well enough to ask serious questions if you know what i mean? Its always something like: Hi, how are you? What are you up to? I don't know what else to ask, since i don't know them well enough.
I have a christmas party coming up and i don't know anyone except for one (a friend). So while he's gone off to the bar, meets someone and then talks to them, i am left like a lost soul. I can go up and join in, maybe, but i don't want to be stuck on him being all needy either. I could be all night following him. What do i do when i am left like a lost soul? As you probably have guessed, I don't get out much and because of this i fear social situations for fear of looking like a lost cause stuck in a corner. I want to change this.

Am I the only one like this?

Stovepipe

I was that soldier and still am to a certain extent.If you are into sports of any kind, there's an opener there, as you can always talk about football matches or what some sporting celebrity has done.Keep an ear to local news, about what's happening in your town.there's always someone who'll talk about local issues, even if only to moan.Ultimately, you have to project yourself a bit and this can be the hardest thing in the world to do but do try.people will open up to you.
regards
Stovepipe

Denerick

OP what are your interests, what makes you get up in the morning? What do you want in life, what motivates you to work or read or listen to music or any number of things?

I kind of had this problem and had to force myself to move away from one group of friends to another. I just found it hard to talk about things I didn't care about - all we had in common at one stage was football and sex. That wrecked my head. Over the last couple of years the people who I would consider my 'friends' have changed completely to the stage where I barely ever talk to my old friends anymore (That sounds bad but it was necessary for both our sakes)

Sometimes the fault doesn't lie with you. Sometimes the fault lies with others. If you haven't much in common with people then you should do the things that YOU want to do - and who gives a **** about 'fitting in' at the end of the day.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Don't worry about not knowing them well enough - the whole point is to get to know them a bit by asking them about themselves. But ask follow up questions.

Why are they studying what they're studying? Are they finding it hard? What do they hope to do when they're finished? Then you can talk about jobs. The economy, huh?!

What positon do they play? What team do they play for? How's the season going?

Listen to the answer and react to it.

Firetrap

You could ask them what do they think of the party or have they anything planned for Christmas? Definitely keep your eye on the papers or t'internet for the days running up to the party for what's going on. Something like the Tiger Woods story that's going on now would make for good conversation fodder (it's gone past its sell by date now though).

The secret is to try and get them to talk about themselves. Most people will happily natter on about themselves so if you appear to be interested in what they're talking about and ask questions, they'll think you're great. :cool:

RossFixxxed

Firetrap wrote: »

The secret is to try and get them to talk about themselves. Most people will happily natter on about themselves so if you appear to be interested in what they're talking about and ask questions, they'll think you're great. :cool:

This! Entirely is the way to go, obviously with your own inputs. Throw in some things you like and see what they think. Seriously people LOVE talking about themselves. Like with me, I'm....

sunnyside

Chat about general topics like the X-Factor, The Apprentice, sport, the latest news story, the flooding if it affected your area, the budget, plans for Christmas...

james.xix

lackofskills wrote: »

I think i may need some help with some conversation skills. I don't know how it happens but every single time conversations always go dead fairly quickly. The problem is that i don't know them well enough to ask serious questions if you know what i mean? Its always something like: Hi, how are you? What are you up to? I don't know what else to ask, since i don't know them well enough.
I have a christmas party coming up and i don't know anyone except for one (a friend). So while he's gone off to the bar, meets someone and then talks to them, i am left like a lost soul. I can go up and join in, maybe, but i don't want to be stuck on him being all needy either. I could be all night following him. What do i do when i am left like a lost soul? As you probably have guessed, I don't get out much and because of this i fear social situations for fear of looking like a lost cause stuck in a corner. I want to change this.

Am I the only one like this?

I used to be like that and could easily have asked that question years ago.

Your focussing on it too much.
Just go with the flow of the conversation, if you do great, if you've nothing to add that's ok.
Something will come up, some people are better at starting conversation than others, you seem to know where yours is and there's nothing wrong with it.