The hilarity of Harry Potter quotes when changing "wand" to "willy"

MrPain

This has to be the best facebook group I have ever seen.
http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?v=wall&ref=nf&gid=194107497693

"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."

A magic willy... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first willy. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice willy for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany willy. Eleven inches. "

"... Today's will be a practical lesson. You will only need your willies."

"Don't put your willy there, boy!" roared Moody."

"Both Sirius and Snape lowered their willies... the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses... "But what's going on?" asked Mr. Weasley. "Nothing, Arthur," said Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he had just run ...a long distance."

"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Willy out, Potter."

Dumbledore drew his willy out of the inside of his robes and placed the tip into his own silvery hair, near his temple. When he took the willy away, hair seemed to be clinging to it - but then Harry saw that it was in fact a glistening strand of the same strange silvery-white substance that filled the Pensieve.

Draco whipped out his willy, but Harry was prepared and his willy was in his hand before draco could react....

"He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking toward the door with their willies pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them..."

"Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, willies raised..."

"Are you OK?" said Harry urgently.
"My willy," said Ron. "Look at my willy."
It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's willy, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

Harry's willy was vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it; his hand seized up around it; he couldnt have released if he'd wanted to.

"Come on Harry, whack your willy out." said Hermione.

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's willy had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

"Lupin drew his willy so fast that Harry had barely the chance to reach for his own"

"It's time you learned the difference between life and dreams Potter," said Malfoy. "Now give me the prophecy, or we start using willies." "Go, on then," said Harry, raising his own willy to chest height. As he did so, the five willies of Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna rose to either side of him.

He bent down and pulled his willy out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his willy, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his willy, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his willy at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

"Running to Daddy now, are you? Is his ickle boxing champ frightened of nasty Harry's willy?"

"Your authority!" she sneered, attempting to wrench her hand from his grasp. "You lost your authority when you lost your willy, Lucious!"

"Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this." said Hermione, raising her willy.

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his willy very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his willy.

"Then he whirled his willy at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them."

Then, with a sigh, he raised his willy and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

He looked up. Riddle was still watching him-twirling Harry's willy between his long fingers. "Thanks." said Harry, stretching out his hand for it. A smile curled the corners of riddles mouth. He continued to stare at Harry, twirling the willy idly.

"Yes, very handsome. And is it working well? I always think willies require a little breaking in, don't you?"

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised willy.

Harry hurried along it, stumbling now and then on the uneven floor, holding his willy out in front of him.

"There will be no foolish willy-waving or silly incantations in this class!"

"What's got your willy in a knot?"

"Just because you can use magic now does not mean you have to whip your willies out for everything!"

"No," said Voldemort. "I have peformed my usual magic. I am extraordinary. But this willy... no. It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this willy and the willy I procured from ollivander all those years ago."

"...did things with a willy I've never seen before..."

"But if my willy was so powerful, how come Hermione was able to break it?"

Harry took the willy. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the willy above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.

"Harry looked down at his own Willy. He could see finger marks all over it..."

"Stand back." said Lockhart, who was rolling up his jade-green sleeves. "No-don't-" said Harry weakly, but Lockhart was twirling his willy and a second later had directed it harry's at arm.

He looked down at his willy, which he was still clutching in his hand.

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me willy in half an' everything."

"Don't put away your willy, Harry. They might come back."

biko

Seems gay, no offence if you're gay.

Sofaspud

tl;dr

(My Willy's tl)

GLaDOS

I laughed a lot, I'm not mature

ZzubZzub

MrPain wrote: »

This has to be the best facebook group I have ever seen.
http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?v=wall&ref=nf&gid=194107497693

Dumbledore drew his willy out of the inside of his robes and placed the tip into his own silvery hair, near his temple. When he took the willy away, hair seemed to be clinging to it - but then Harry saw that it was in fact a glistening strand of the same strange silvery-white substance that filled the Pensieve.


"Harry looked down at his own Willy. He could see finger marks all over it..."

He looked down at his willy, which he was still clutching in his hand.

These are so funny it's untrue!! Hahahaha! Roflcopter!

Groe

This isn't gay at all it's hilarious

Little Acorn

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first willy. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice willy for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany willy. Eleven inches. "

"Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this." said Hermione, raising her willy.

I think these two are the funniest.
This whole post had me in stitches!:D

brummytom

Any time I start to think I'm maturing...

"Are you OK?" said Harry urgently.
"My willy," said Ron. "Look at my willy."
It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters

I lol'd. A lot

sceptre

It was funny a decade ago, just assuming that "wand" was a penile reference. These days, it's just a ten year old joke that was funny ten years ago.

Still, that's recycling for you. A friend of mine sent me a text a while ago to let me know "The Boat That Couldn't Slow Down" is on channel 4, I might be as well off watching that instead as at least that'll give me a new giggle.

FouxDaFaFa

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his willy very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

:eek:

But I did laugh.

Burkey0

MrPain wrote: »

"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany willy. Eleven inches. "

"... Today's will be a practical lesson. You will only need your willies."

"Don't put your willy there, boy!" roared Moody."

"Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?" said Snape smoothly. "Willy out, Potter."

Harry's willy was vibrating as though an electric charge was surging through it; his hand seized up around it; he couldnt have released if he'd wanted to.

"Come on Harry, whack your willy out." said Hermione.

But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his willy, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.

"Running to Daddy now, are you? Is his ickle boxing champ frightened of nasty Harry's willy?"

"Your authority!" she sneered, attempting to wrench her hand from his grasp. "You lost your authority when you lost your willy, Lucious!"

Then, with a sigh, he raised his willy and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

"There will be no foolish willy-waving or silly incantations in this class!"

"What's got your willy in a knot?"

"...did things with a willy I've never seen before..."

"But if my willy was so powerful, how come Hermione was able to break it?"

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me willy in half an' everything."

"Don't put away your willy, Harry. They might come back."

Some of the greatest

yogidc26

Are you OK?" said Harry urgently.
"My willy," said Ron. "Look at my willy."
It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters

LOL :D

HUNK

ROFL

TerrorFirmer

"Stand back." said Lockhart, who was rolling up his jade-green sleeves. "No-don't-" said Harry weakly, but Lockhart was twirling his willy and a second later had directed it harry's at arm.

you'd have to be dead inside not to laugh at that.

Duggy747

Laughing my fùckin' ass off!!

Reading these while trying not to laugh is horrible!

I love my willy jokes :pac:

"Harry took the willy. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the willy above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls."

"Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, willies raised..."

*Hick laughing*

Bonkers_xOx

MrPain wrote: »

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his willy.

Ha! PMSL:D

partyatmygaff

Funniest thing i've read in a long time :pac:

IvySlayer

So immature...

But ****ing hilarious!

MrPain

Magnus wrote: »

Seems gay, no offence if you're gay.

sceptre wrote: »

It was funny a decade ago, just assuming that "wand" was a penile reference. These days, it's just a ten year old joke that was funny ten years ago.

Still, that's recycling for you. A friend of mine sent me a text a while ago to let me know "The Boat That Couldn't Slow Down" is on channel 4, I might be as well off watching that instead as at least that'll give me a new giggle.

Watch out everyone it's the fun police!!!

BluesBerry

LOL :D:D:D

Love it!!!!

Frisbee

MrPain wrote: »

"Come on Harry, whack your willy out." said Hermione.


Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his willy.

My two favourites

Jay P

Haha, this is excellent! I just found this group! Quality!

phasers

This is really old... I made jokes like this when the first book came out. And it was only funny then because I was 8 or something. Am I missing something new?

GLaDOS

phasers wrote: »

This is really old... I made jokes like this when the first book came out. And it was only funny then because I was 8 or something. Am I missing something new?

You grew up, hate that :pac:

Blowfish

sceptre wrote: »

It was funny a decade ago, just assuming that "wand" was a penile reference. These days, it's just a ten year old joke that was funny ten years ago.

Indeed, it's been on bash.org for years too.

thomond2006

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Catari Jaguar

Lmao! I love it. This will be bookmarked for future laughs.

Prof.Badass

.

This thread seems like a good place to remind people about mattel's "nimbus 2000 vibrating broomstick" .

Meeja Ireland

It also works with Shakespeare.

"Enter Suffolk, in his robe of estate, his coronet on his head, bearing a long white willy, as high-steward."

"Now, sit, this staff is my sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and as small as a willy."