Longest time to go without sex?

LegacyUser

I'm a man in my mid twenties, the supposed prime of my life. I'm pretty active and I think I'm doing ok in general in the whole life thing.

The thing is, I haven't had sex in about 3-4 years (its been so long, I can't even remember exactly!). I broke up with a long term GF after college and between focusing on work and not being into the one night stand thing, I've only slept with one girl since.

I'm not a hermit by any means. I really enjoy sex and I'm not a shy lover or have any nervous issues about it so I'm a little bit down about how little I've had. Am I just being a typical horny lad or is 3 years dry for a single willing man a bit strange?

I don't mind being single, I'm young, enjoy the company of my friends and I've been told I'd be a decent catch. That being said I'd love a bit of sexual release without going to some disgusting nightclub and taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl (which from what I've seen is the traditional Irish route to a one night stand).

thoughts, comments, suggestions?

krudler

theres plenty of sites you could use for people looking for no strings sex if thats all you're after?

Liam Byrne

Just because you have higher standards than most doesn't make you odd.

I've had a few occasions where I've gone a couple of years without any relationship or action and it hasn't bothered me.

kieranfitz

Try going 5 1/2 years

LegacyUser

Try 10 years!!! Honestly, just stuck in a rut and cant get out.

moimeme24

i have too much sex lol:D

Zaph

OK folks, this thread isn't a competition to see who can come up with the biggest number. Advice from now on only please.

LegacyUser

wow they are some serious time periods to go without having sex. I have not gotten any in almost 3 months but I was lucky enough to get loads over the summer as I was away travelling. Lol I hardly ever get any while I am at home but during the summer it is different. I have sort of grown this perception that Irish girls don't like sex or something but this is not true. While I think it is definitely WAY harder to get laid in Ireland than pretty much any where else I have been in the world, girls here still have one night stands regularly. Now the only problem with this is like you said OP that you have to go to some ****ty nightclub filled with idiot lads/girls and play the 'pulling card'. I also hate this as it is just not me and this is the main reason I don't get much while at home. It is all about confidence and there are plenty of guys I know who get some every other weekend and it is not becasue they are really handsome or anything. It is becasue they are part of the pulling game and go to the places where they will have the most chances.
When I'm out for a night I have to be in a place I enjoy and I am comfortable with and one of these nightclubs isn't that type of place which is a shame because this is where all the girls are. I am already at the stage now where I am dying to sleep with a girl and it has only been a few months but I have gone a good bit longer in the past. This sounds a bit weird but I think everybody should have sex at least once a week. Now obviously very few single people actually do unless you are Russell Brand or somebody but sex is so good for your mental health imo. You feel confident, less stressed or anxious etc. Thats why I love American girls because they are so open about their sexuality. I wish Irish girls were like this too instead of being more like catholic nuns. Imo everybody should just be having sex all the time and you should be able to go up to girls in nightclubs and say it straight out. Jesus what is the big deal?! And I hate when girls go "oh I dont want to be a slut". Infact that whole word slut is so wrong in general. What is wrong with enjoying one of life's natural pleasures?? Sexual enthusiasts is what these girls should be called instead
Lol, sorry my views are a bit crazy but this is honestly how I feel.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, good to know I'm not alone. Maybe it's just my incorrect expectations from media and society but I somehow thought my twenties would be a bit wilder and filled with different women and more sex. I'm now approaching my thirties and thinking "is that it?".

I seem to have skipped the whole "go wild and experiment with as many people as possible" stage of life that most people have in their teens and early twenties. Is this a myth? I know some people are late bloomers (like myself) but it just seems like as I approach my thirties that this behaviour is seen as immature and wrong. Like some others have commented on, it seems like the only people who still do this are drunk clubbers.

alantc

dryspell wrote: »

I don't mind being single, I'm young, enjoy the company of my friends and I've been told I'd be a decent catch. That being said I'd love a bit of sexual release without going to some disgusting nightclub and taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl (which from what I've seen is the traditional Irish route to a one night stand).

thoughts, comments, suggestions?

It's not taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl, why do you think she's out?

Answer: She wants to have sex.

LegacyUser

Its been over 2 years and counting! I have been told I'm a pretty girl, and not into one night stands either. Whenever I go out, I seem to end up attracting lads I'm not attracted to! Where are all the good looking lads!!!

LegacyUser

i'm a girl so this might not be so helpful to you, but when i've been single i've always found that its all kind of magnetic -- once one guy starts paying you attention and you get a bit of a boost all of a sudden you're on a roll. like one week you're at a party and letting something happen - a bit of flirting and whatever, or maybe you approach someone who looks like good craic, it doesn't have to go anywhere as far as kissing even (it doesn't even have to be the best looking person in the room or anything), just far enough that it gives you a bit of a confidence boost (and her/him! just make sure to not take it too far if you're definitely not up for it to go to intimate places). then i find that for the rest of the week or whatever i'm still resonating from that and i guess that reflects in your mood and appearance and makes you more attractive.

anyway, my point is that its cool to not be into one night stands and everything, but allowing the flirting and chatting and so on to go on for a while on a night out is good because its fun, makes you feel good and also keeps you open to meeting more different kinds of people - who knows, one of those might end up being someone much more interesting than you expected!

magneticimpulse

whodidwha wrote: »

wow they are some serious time periods to go without having sex. I have not gotten any in almost 3 months but I was lucky enough to get loads over the summer as I was away travelling. Lol I hardly ever get any while I am at home but during the summer it is different. I have sort of grown this perception that Irish girls don't like sex or something but this is not true. While I think it is definitely WAY harder to get laid in Ireland than pretty much any where else I have been in the world, girls here still have one night stands regularly. Now the only problem with this is like you said OP that you have to go to some ****ty nightclub filled with idiot lads/girls and play the 'pulling card'. I also hate this as it is just not me and this is the main reason I don't get much while at home. It is all about confidence and there are plenty of guys I know who get some every other weekend and it is not becasue they are really handsome or anything. It is becasue they are part of the pulling game and go to the places where they will have the most chances.
When I'm out for a night I have to be in a place I enjoy and I am comfortable with and one of these nightclubs isn't that type of place which is a shame because this is where all the girls are. I am already at the stage now where I am dying to sleep with a girl and it has only been a few months but I have gone a good bit longer in the past. This sounds a bit weird but I think everybody should have sex at least once a week. Now obviously very few single people actually do unless you are Russell Brand or somebody but sex is so good for your mental health imo. You feel confident, less stressed or anxious etc. Thats why I love American girls because they are so open about their sexuality. I wish Irish girls were like this too instead of being more like catholic nuns. Imo everybody should just be having sex all the time and you should be able to go up to girls in nightclubs and say it straight out. Jesus what is the big deal?! And I hate when girls go "oh I dont want to be a slut". Infact that whole word slut is so wrong in general. What is wrong with enjoying one of life's natural pleasures?? Sexual enthusiasts is what these girls should be called instead
Lol, sorry my views are a bit crazy but this is honestly how I feel.

this is such a stereotype about irish women! american girls so open about their sexuality...well theres been bad news about that lately. thou again that was just one person. you cant paint us all with the one brush. we dont want to get a thing called STDs, maybe thats why we act like catholic nuns. id like people to keep warts to themselves

magneticimpulse

alantc wrote: »

It's not taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl, why do you think she's out?

Answer: She wants to have sex.

im sorry but i dont "go out" to have sex. i do actually go out for a night out with the girls and boogie. we not all waiting to hop into bed with a stranger, just because we in a nightclub.

magneticimpulse

fair play dryspell!!! i wish there were more open people about their sexuality like you are. you sound very confident in yourself. i admire that you are not going out for one night stands. i think about a year without sex has been the longest. but then ive lived abroad and was a virgin when i lived in ireland. i will go back to ireland and suspect it could be a while before i have sex again. not because its difficult to get sex for a woman. but because i dont want a one night stand, STDs or some dodgy nightclub like you said. im looking for a relationship and someone who i actually love and want to have sex with. i dont think people "need" or should have the "right" to have sex. you hear this when people have affairs or cheat...they justify it because they say they have a high sex drive and "need" sex. sex imo is about loving someone and being able to express that with someone special. if it takes that bit extra longer to find it im happy. rather wait then have some fella pissed off his face with his pants around his ankles. in the mean time im happy to please myself sexually

alantc

magneticimpulse wrote: »

im sorry but i dont "go out" to have sex. i do actually go out for a night out with the girls and boogie. we not all waiting to hop into bed with a stranger, just because we in a nightclub.

Sure. You're putting on make-up and showing off your legs to the other girls!!!

Carsinian Thau

alantc wrote: »

Sure. You're putting on make-up and showing off your legs to the other girls!!!

Or they're doing it to fit in and not look like the odd-one out.

I would have serious reservations about sleeping with a drunk girl. I'm perpetually sober so I really believe that it would feel like taking advantage of them if I were to act in such a way.

OP, I can't give you much advice but if it makes you feel any better, that wild-lifestyle that people in their early 20s are supposed to have couldn't be further from the truth in my case. I predict that I'll also be a late "bloomer" and would say that my life will probably always be very quiet on that front.

Rabies

alantc wrote: »

It's not taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl, why do you think she's out?

Answer: She wants to have sex.

Stop being stupid!

pow wow

About 10 years From 17 to 27....only got back in the saddle recently so to speak :cool: I had a horrible experience and it put me off for that long. Happily making up for lost time now though

I don't think you're weird at all, when it feels right or you meet the right person or whatever it will happen. I 'experimented' in my teens and was over it before it even started lol. Different strokes for different folks. Don't worry about it

magneticimpulse

alantc wrote: »

Sure. You're putting on make-up and showing off your legs to the other girls!!!

sometimes i dont bother wearing make up and no i wear jeans...so if thats showing off my legs to girls maybe. you sound like a ........

women like to dress up because i myself dont make any effort during the week. i wear tshirt and jeans. at the weekend dressing up is the complete fun part. i feel good and confident and look pretty. at no stage do i even bother chatting to men. yeah i stick with my friends the whole night. im not some complete pissed girl by the end of it, because alot of times i will drive into town, stay sober, so i can be safe getting home. yeah so no, i dont do all this to sleep with anybody and never have!!! i do it and go out to have fun with the girls.

Silverfish

alantc, stop trolling and trying to take this thread off topic with ridiculous statements.

Rabies, please leave the moderating to the mods.

Everyone else, back on topic. Thank you.

G-Money

In the same boat myself OP. It's been many many years to the point where I can't actually remember what it's like. Literally. I reckon about 8 years or so. And sure even then, it was something I regretted so I might as well be stuck on 0. At least in my head, that's the way I'm looking at it.

I too often think my twenties were supposed to be full of wild nights out, loads of sex and while I had many, many nights out, none of them ever ended up with me in bed with a girl (I'm 32 now). It's hard not to let it get to you, especially when you check the PI/RI section of boards.ie. It's filled with stories of "Oh I met this person had sex blah blah blah" and you can start to feel a little resentful as if it's not fair on you. I know I've felt this way myself.

A few times I've had a girl sort of let me know she was on for sex but I never went through with it. Sometimes I over think things and over analyse and then talk myself out of it. I have to be honest though, I think another aspect was that I just wasn't that interested in them. I mean the girls were ok looking, but if I'm being brutally honest, my interest in them was more based on the fact that they were interested in me. I don't think any of them gave me that animalistic urge. But then again, few girls do. The most recent girl that did cause me to have that primal urge is actually a boards.ie lady. However she shall remain nameless. It helps though that I haven't even contacted her so she's completely unaware

I guess as long as you are happy in yourself, that's all that matters. I know I'm feeling like I'm missing out big time on having different experiences and it makes me wonder if I did meet my future wife tomorrow, would I have this nagging feeling in my head that I need to go "sow my wild oats" so to speak before I could settle down. I think it would also bug me if my gf or whatever had a lot more partners than I had.

I guess at the moment it would feel like she'd have one over on me, almost to the point of secretly gloating and being smug about it. It's stupid to think that, but it's the way it seems.

How f*****d up is my head?

Silverfish

whodidwha, your post was not approved as it was not directed at the OP.

This is a final warning in this thread, on-topic, helpful, constructive replies to the OP only, thank you.

LegacyUser

Well have to say i think my longest time is seven weeks since i was 18, i'm now 27. It was tough to tell the truth, i couldnt get it out of my head for the last few weeks of the drought. But i have to say maybe it gets easier with time but i have to say i felt it tough. How you guys go 2 years without it i dont know. I hope any one in here who's gone a few years without it finds happiness in some way- if its a one night stand or someone special, i live in hope.

ash23

I don't mind one nighters and casual flings so I haven't gone very long without sex. But if I'd been waiting for relationships I'd be without for 18 months now

Look OP, you've a couple of choices.

1. If you don't want to have casual sex and don't want to be in a relationship then you're going through a dry spell by choice. It's not being forced on you so it's not a negative thing, it's a lifestyle choice.

2. If you don't want casual sex and DO want a relationship, then you need to start asking girls out. Hopefully you meet one and all goes well and then you'll have some regular sex again.

If you want to start having casual sex, well, don't feel like you're taking advantage. Obviously don't pick up some girl who's so drunk she can't see straight. That is taking advantage. Change your attitude to it and see it as two consenting adults having some fun. Be safe and careful and just enjoy it for what it is. If you can't then it's back to option one or option two.

alantc

dryspell wrote: »

I'm a man in my mid twenties, the supposed prime of my life. I'm pretty active and I think I'm doing ok in general in the whole life thing.

...

I don't mind being single, I'm young, enjoy the company of my friends and I've been told I'd be a decent catch. That being said I'd love a bit of sexual release without going to some disgusting nightclub and taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl (which from what I've seen is the traditional Irish route to a one night stand).

You need to get over this mental block that's making you think of nightclubs as disgusting. It is one of the traditional routes to a one night stand, so don't feel you're taking advantage of anyone. There are plenty of girls in each club who are interested in having sex and having a drink is how they loosen up too. You're in your mid-twenties, prime nightclub age.

Those in this thread suggesting girls don't use nightclubs as a place to hook up are single.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

Thanks for your thread. It's nice to be reminded that there are people out there with standards who are not prepared to sleep with anything that walks just for the sake of getting some. As a 30 year old female, I enjoy passion and chemistry with a man, not something I generally get from meeting someone for the first time and hence I don't enjoy one night stands. Unfortunately that means I haven't had sex in a year

People love a juicy story and are often asking me why Im not with more men (especially people who are in relationships), but for me it feels right to wait until I find someone I am actually attracted to (looks and personality).

If you do want to release some sexual energy I agree with ash23 there are girls out there who are up for one night stands so don't feel bad about approaching them she will say no if she wants to (assuming she is not, as you say, totally inebriated).

magneticimpulse

Each to their own. Maybe he doesnt want a one night stand. Id rather be single and go a long time without sex, than get riddled with STDs or pregnant

[-0-]

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Each to their own. Maybe he doesnt want a one night stand. Id rather be single and go a long time without sex, than get riddled with STDs or pregnant

Snap.

All that matters is that you haven't developed premature ejaculation since you've gone so long without a shag. Just be sure that your Tommy Tanks last a long time and you'll be grand. :cool:

james.xix

dryspell wrote: »

I'm a man in my mid twenties, the supposed prime of my life. I'm pretty active and I think I'm doing ok in general in the whole life thing.

The thing is, I haven't had sex in about 3-4 years (its been so long, I can't even remember exactly!). I broke up with a long term GF after college and between focusing on work and not being into the one night stand thing, I've only slept with one girl since.

I'm not a hermit by any means. I really enjoy sex and I'm not a shy lover or have any nervous issues about it so I'm a little bit down about how little I've had. Am I just being a typical horny lad or is 3 years dry for a single willing man a bit strange?

I don't mind being single, I'm young, enjoy the company of my friends and I've been told I'd be a decent catch. That being said I'd love a bit of sexual release without going to some disgusting nightclub and taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl (which from what I've seen is the traditional Irish route to a one night stand).

thoughts, comments, suggestions?

You don't exaxclty have to go to to a disgusting nightclub.

Go to a good club, enjoy yourself and let your hair down. Don't get too drunk and hopefully with a bit of luck you'll meet a good looking girl.

Now enjoy the usual stuff in the club, not the best of places to chat.

Get her number after the club but don't push going back to her place, unless it's on and you decide what you want.

If you get her number but ye go ye're seperate ways for the night, don't text her until the afternoon the following day.

One good thing as well, is to take her number only and when you send her a text the following day, put your name at the end.

If your good at texting and ye get on over texting, possibly talking on the phone but it's not actually important to talk on the phone if ye meet in the first week.

From this you can at least enjoy a fling for a few weeks, if ye really hit it off and have something going for ye, happy days!:cool:

The25thHour

OP I think this guy can help you. Enjoy

<snip>

The25thHour

OP don't worry man, the thing about sex is you can never get enough anyway. Whether it has been days, months, or years, you still crave it the same. Unless you have a girlfriend you are never getting enough anyway and even lots of people with girlfriends/boyfriends are not getting enough! But if I was going through a drought like you are I would think strongly about leaving the country and going away for a while. Different places will give you new confidence and its also far easier let laid in most other countries!

Zaph

OK folks, could we please keep the off-topic nonsense off the thread and only post if you have something useful to add.

The25thHour, please don't post Youtube videos in this forum again as they are not permitted here.

foxyboxer

Meeting women is fairly easy. Standards play a part, but realise that all women are beautiful in their own way (exceptions - people with NO sense of humour - if you don't have a sense of humour, you have no personality and those who fail to take care of themselves physically i.e. Fat).

You just need some self confidence and meet like minded people. escalating from dating to sex - take hand, bring in close, kiss tenderly, take it from there.

Let's not forget, ladies, that the male fear of rejection is a powerful emotion. And what do we do when there's a likelihood of pain? We tend to avoid it. The difficult part for most men is establishing your interest. But the trick is to not take rejection personally. It happens to everyone. Just see rejection as a means of knowing not to pursue something that would just waste your time. It's better to know immediately in my opinion if someone is interested.


Maintaining a relationship is the difficult part. For me anyway.

LegacyUser

james.xix wrote: »

You don't exaxclty have to go to to a disgusting nightclub.

Go to a good club, enjoy yourself and let your hair down. Don't get too drunk and hopefully with a bit of luck you'll meet a good looking girl.

Now enjoy the usual stuff in the club, not the best of places to chat.

Get her number after the club but don't push going back to her place, unless it's on and you decide what you want.

If you get her number but ye go ye're seperate ways for the night, don't text her until the afternoon the following day.

One good thing as well, is to take her number only and when you send her a text the following day, put your name at the end.

If your good at texting and ye get on over texting, possibly talking on the phone but it's not actually important to talk on the phone if ye meet in the first week.

From this you can at least enjoy a fling for a few weeks, if ye really hit it off and have something going for ye, happy days!:cool:

You're post seems to mostly describe how to have a fling.... What if he's after a proper relationship?

Hypothertical: What if you've really hit it off in the club, dance with her all night, only kiss when you leave the club and then she asks you back. But she only wanted to keep chatting and maybe some more of the kissing but she not looking for sex. She's told ye she doesn't want sex. What if she's not looking for a fling either though, what if she's spent most of her youth playing around and really hits it off with this guy? They spend another hour or two yapping on the sofa, they sleep together, but there's no sex.... What comes from that? A fling or a relationship? Once he figures out what kind of past she's had, will he scarper?

Personally, I can't stand that text dancing stuff you're on about. I mean, if I give a guy my number I'd be a bit put out if he hadn't bothered to lift the phone for the first week.

LegacyUser

dryspell wrote: »

I'm a man in my mid twenties, the supposed prime of my life. I'm pretty active and I think I'm doing ok in general in the whole life thing.

The thing is, I haven't had sex in about 3-4 years (its been so long, I can't even remember exactly!). I broke up with a long term GF after college and between focusing on work and not being into the one night stand thing, I've only slept with one girl since.

I'm not a hermit by any means. I really enjoy sex and I'm not a shy lover or have any nervous issues about it so I'm a little bit down about how little I've had. Am I just being a typical horny lad or is 3 years dry for a single willing man a bit strange?

I don't mind being single, I'm young, enjoy the company of my friends and I've been told I'd be a decent catch. That being said I'd love a bit of sexual release without going to some disgusting nightclub and taking advantage of some poor inebriated girl (which from what I've seen is the traditional Irish route to a one night stand).

thoughts, comments, suggestions?

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I don't think anyone would judge you for having few partners, no more than you would judge someone for having many. If you want some sexual release then find someone you can spark with, who's not afraid to trust you