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Confused about end?

  • 04-12-2009 12:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey!
    Me and my ex bf finished over a month now. The reasons it ended are because i cant handle my drink too well and he got fed up of the messy situations it led to. I take full responisbilty for it and understood his reasons obviously i was still devestated begged him to take me back but he said too much had gone on and i hurt him too much.

    Ok now what has me confused is that out of respect to him i decided no contact would be the best way, but he still texts me, says he loves me, still cares about me and misses me. I've started seeing a counceller to deal with issues i have which leads to my crap behaviour.

    the breakdown of our relationship and my behaviour is the biggest regret of my life and i'm trying to change me for the better.

    My question is, do you think that by him still texting and talking to me means that he may want to get back with me again?
    If someone treated you badly would you still want to be friends with them?


Comments

  • #2
    Kiraandliamo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭Kiraandliamo


    I cant see why not. The guy obviously still loves you if he is keeping in contact. sometimes people just have enough drama and need a break. you know yourself your issues which is a good start. alcohol abuse destroys people lives.. i know cos i was a child of two alcoholics who turned their lives around and i love them dearly for it. my childhood was hell. Its not going to be easy for you to prove youve changed your life but if you truly love someone it can be done over time... if you do get another chance dont mess it up... could be your ast chance!


  • #3
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    all that means is that he's a headwrecker... I'd tell him not to text you unless he's serious about getting back together.


  • #4
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    Moomoo1 wrote: »
    all that means is that he's a headwrecker... I'd tell him not to text you unless he's serious about getting back together.

    I would disagree, this isn't some guy who's just looking for a bit of flirtation or whatever - it's her ex partner who left her because he was hurt too much. It's obvious he still loves her and is finding it hard to let go, but for his own good had to step out of the relationship.

    OP, I hope you can sort your issues out and prove you're serious about changing, perhaps your ex will be more inclined to give you another chance then.


  • #5
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    but if you leave someone and they ask for no contact, why would you then keep texting them telling how much you love them? Does he not realise how much that screws with someone's head?

    OP, the best way to get him back is to enforce the no contact


  • #6
    General Zod
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,661 ✭✭✭General Zod


    Moomoo1 wrote: »
    all that means is that he's a headwrecker... I'd tell him not to text you unless he's serious about getting back together.


    typical RI "all men are pigs" answer.

    OP, well done on taking steps to deal with your issues.

    I honestly don't think there's a future in your relationship with him, but he obviously still cares for you and about you. Would a friendship be enough for you while you get yourself sorted out?


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  • #7
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    General Zod wrote: »
    typical RI "all men are pigs" answer.

    OP, well done on taking steps to deal with your issues.

    I honestly don't think there's a future in your relationship with him, but he obviously still cares for you and about you. Would a friendship be enough for you while you get yourself sorted out?

    you know, this is the first time I've been labeled a feminist. Should I feel honoured?

    I believe in practical things: the best way to get him back is to tell him to stop contacting her.


  • #8
    martdalto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 211 ✭✭martdalto


    They didn't break up becuase he fell out of love with her, they broke up because
    he said too much had gone on and i hurt him too much.

    It very very likely that he still loves her. It is very likely that he more than anything wants to be part of her life. It is very likely that if she can sort herself out, and prove to him that she is changing (it will take time), that they can have a future, and can have a great relationship at the end of it.

    OP he finished with you, because you hurt him. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't be hurt by you. He'd be fed up of you, or worse, indifferent.

    Have you contacted him at all? Have you replied? Does he know that you are taking steps to get yourself together? Would you like if the two of you were still together/got back together? If so, then talk to him. Arrange to meet him - not to get back together, but to talk.. openly, frankly and honestly about what it is you both want. And then if you do decide to give it another go, be that now, or in a few months when you are feeling better, then agree to take it slowly.

    Of course you 2 can have a future together, if it's what you BOTH want. The only way to find out if it's what you both want, is to discuss it with each other...(if that's what you BOTH want!)


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here.

    Thanks for all your replies, i was expecting some snide comments about how its your own fault. But you people have a heart :P!!!

    I'm just all over the place with this really, had to re-start my life again. I can see this break up being good for me though we both had become co-dependent on eachother too much. I'm finally sorting myself out, had been long overdue!

    Moomoo1 i dont think he's doing it to be a headwrecker, he's not that type of a person, besides being in a relationship we built an amazing friendship. I think we are both finding it hard to let that go. But thanks for your feminist views :P!!

    ManOfMystery i think your more down the lines of his thinking. I asked him straight out one night does he see a future for us, he said he's not thinking like that, if anything did happen it would be natural and not forced. This just confused me even more!!

    Anyway doing the clothes, cd, stuff exchange tomorrow (he planned it), dreading it, but have butterflies aswell!! Wish me luck, the goodbye is never nice!!


  • #10
    Moomoo1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,960 ✭✭✭Moomoo1


    I disagree with martdalto. I think that if you really love someone you will stick with them through anything, and at least give them a chance to recover from whatever problems they are having in life.

    therefore, I woul'd take the guy's texts with a pinch of salt. And I would say again to the OP that you should enforce really strict no-contact, to give him a chance to hopefully realise that whatever problems you had, life without you is worse. Because at the moment, with you texting all the time, you are still part of his life, but let's see how he likes it if you not a part of his life at all.


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