Starting over

LegacyUser

How can I start all over from scratch?

I'm 42, working in a dead end job, with erratic hours, low wages, no qualifications, no advancement, no future, and no incentive.To be honest, I hate my job with a vengeance, to the point where I can hardly bear to go in any more. It's an existence, not a life.

I know we are in a recession, and I respect that for the time being, and if I was earning any kind of half reasonable money, then I'd be well advised to stay put. But I am earning €200 to €300 a week depending on the hours I work, every penny of which goes on bills and debts. I nearly got physically sick in work today, because I had no money to eat, and was starving! When it gets to the stage where you cannot even afford to eat properly, and your work suffers, there is something wrong with your life. Besides, this job is having a slow but detrimental effect on my health, and I physically will not be able to continue it in years to come.

Two years ago, I made a half hearted stab at returning to education. I didn't enjoy a bit of it. I am not very academically minded. I am clever enough, but the whole third level thing frightens the life out of me. I don't want it, and in the current climate, I see people working their asses off for degrees, and no job at the end of it. On the other hand, I physically cannot afford it. I must work to earn money to pay bills, I simply cannot under any circumstances take time out to study. I could not apply myself to studying without being free of all my other worries, which is an impossibility for me right now. Studying by night would not suit me at all.

I want to start my life over. I have to face and deal with the problems I created for myself over years of bad decisions, but my life right now is a complete and utter failure, and I would happily step out of it and do anything else. But at 42 years of age, it has to be something with a future. Working in McDonalds, for example, is not an option, because it would be the same as what I am doing now, i.e. money for a drudgery with no incentive and no future.

I don't actually know what I want, and that is the problem. I stay in this job year in, year out, and my life passes by, and I wrack my brains for a way out, and I cannot come up with anything. I would love a simple job, somewhere happy, where I could work hard and feel appreciated, and feel I had a future. Not just another dead end job and dead end life. I have that already. I would happily study whatever I needed to study if it was very directed towards a job and money. But I cannot simply spend four or five years of my life studying some arbitrary thing with no idea what kind of job I might get at the end.

Like I say, I am aware of the recession, and can stick out what I am doing for another year or two. But I badly, badly need to refocus my life, and have some new goal to strive towards. Has anybody been in a situation where they started from scratch? Has anybody any suggestions for a whole new career for somebody in their mid life crisis? I cannot move abroad either, due to an elderly parent.

cafecolour

Was it arts you tried to go to school in? Try looking through the courses at your local IT. They'll be a lot more practical focused, and may work better for you.

Going to school is probably the best way to get a new career, but there are plenty of jobs you can work your way up in. Ie retail, bar, hotel for instance - you can in theory work your way up to manager level, though school might also be helpful.

But you're in a minimum wage job already, so just start looking for a new job if you don't want to do school. If the new one is a dead end one again, look for another one. Shop around.

Babooshka

startingover wrote: »

Has anybody been in a situation where they started from scratch? Has anybody any suggestions for a whole new career for somebody in their mid life crisis? I cannot move abroad either, due to an elderly parent.

Hi

I sort of kind of know what you mean. I have no idea if this will help you at all but I just thought that I'd tell you what I'm doing. I have been in a job for the last 5 years which I consider to be longer than I ever hoped I would be here for. Not long to some, a life sentence to others. Anyway the situation is similar in that I have no third level, feel trapped, need money etc etc. But I never had the motivation or inspiration or energy to concentrate on studying. Some people would call it laziness but I know myself that if I can get to work and do another job and work out etc. it is not laziness, it's a block somewhere else. Stay with me for a second!

I have agonised over this for years myself wondering why I haven't done anything about bettering my education or had more sense of personal purpose and/or achievement. For me, it is definitely related to my sense of self worth, so I decided to strip it right down to brass tacks and get some counselling. I reckoned before I have any room in my head for academics that all of the self esteem issues I have need to be tackled before I even get the energy or concentration span to study. With me it's like a pre-occupation with the past and bemoaning the loss of years of not being in the right place at the right time or beating myself up for not doing more, and I gotta get over all of that before I can open a book!!

I'm not saying it's the same with you but just giving you my story, in case you can identify where your block is coming from or what exactly your wants are. For me, mine are to stop looking back and go forward, using the situation I am in now to help me, but instead of running for the next course that I never finish (there have been loads!) I am concentrating on getting my head right emotionally and mentally, and trying to remove some of the panic that it might be too late when that's all just one's own personal deadline (or those set for you by society)

Calm down!! You'll get somewhere else inevitably anyway as life is contstantly changing, but you are panicking, and when you move through that and start looking forward you'll feel better. You're not doing anything wrong either, you need to get through panic to change your circumstances anyway. Relaxing and reading some books, or watching movies or documentaries you enjoy, just for the enjoyment of them also helps me. I'm not talking about trash TV or soap operas...you have to feed your intellect nourishing topics to get it going...but the main thing is to start trying to feel good about yourself and get yourelf into a zone that you like being in, and not coming from a "quick do something or you've wasted your life" point of view, it'll just fan the flames of the panic you already feel. You say you don't know what you want, but I'd say it's more that you're too pre-occupied with worry to hear your inner voices, they're too busy beating you up, you need to change the voices to encouraging ones...that's why I'm doing the counselling, to re-train my brain to be on my side!

I hope the job is bearable enough for the time being that it will just give you some leeway to pay your debts and get you to step B..... Best of luck

LegacyUser

Im in a fairly similar situation as yourself. Im in a dead end job and going nowhere. Its mentally and physicalling tiring being in a job in which you hate. If you quit, you don't get the dole for 9 weeks and where do you find work to leave? A job that will enjoy and give you some self worth. Gives you something to get up for in the mornings. You certainly don't win being in a job in which you hate.

Take a look at your interests. Is there anything you are happy doing? Is there a way you can find some work which involves your interests?

You earn 200-300e a week. This isn't alot but can you take more work on and start saving to return to education? In that way, once you figure out what you want to do, you can give up work and go back to college without having to worry about money. Take a look at the your local college of further education for courses. Courses don't cost an arm and a leg and they can be fetac awarded. Or what about a distance learning course?

I was/am in a similar situation. Deep down i always knew what i wanted to do and i am going for it. Well i always had an interest in it anyway, so i am going for it. I took up some voluntery work, which also helps me to save (it keeps me from shopping and spending). I did a distance learning course also. Although the course isn't recognised, it means alot to me cause i loved it. I also applied to go back to college for next year, so the distance learning course will also show that i do have an interest in going for my new career.

You're not alone. You can achieve anything you ever wanted if you put your mind to it.

ogriofa

very good!

The really good news is that loads of people are doing this, especially now during the recession. "Taking a step back and looking at their options."
When you're talking to people about your search, this is a great way to phrase it. People will know exactly what you mean and makes a good impression.

Education is the key.

I still haven't decided what I want to do, but I'm getting closer. I did a 1 year Diploma last year. Looks real well on my cv.

With regards to finding what you want:
Take money and the people you'll be working with out of the equation for now... what would you like to do? Have you a hobby that you're good at that where you could find work in something related? Stuff like Professional footballer are probably non-starters but anything else. Make a list. And be optimistic. you can always rip up the bit of paper before anybody sees it.

On a kinda side note:
Finding out what you want to do is really tough. Some people are luck, most of my pals knew while they were still in school. Careers officers in schools are useless. Its the people who dont know what they want to do that need the careers peoples time.

Good luck - this is a good idea! Keep at it