Question for the Guys!

LegacyUser

If you have been seeing girl for the past few months, things have been going well, enjoy spending time together, see each other regularly by choice and things seem to flow easily. Haven't spoken about where things are going but have met each others friends, family etc. Suddenly an issue comes up unrelated to the relationship but is getting you down, feeling withdrawn, upset, reflective etc. my question is how would you deal with it? Would you explain to the girl you're seeing what the problem is and ask for space or would you just slowly cut her off, avoid contacting or spending time with her, just pulling away basically. Would the route you take depend on how important the relationship is to you? Would you risk the relationship purely because you were confused or down?? Thanks in advance for your replies!

The Recliner

OP it might be easier to get an answer if you tell us exactly what your situation is, otherwise we are dealing with hypotheticals and those type of threads generally get locked

LegacyUser

Ok to be more specific, guy's been acting withdrawn recently, didn't say anything but i just knew something was off, so asked him if he was ok etc. he told me he was going through a hard time right now, and had some issues in his head he needs to sort out. I offered him space to sort thing through but he thought about it said he wanted us to continue that he would be ok in a couple of days. I'm not a clingy or possessive person and we've only been seeing each other a couple of months, things seemed to be going well so far. I guess my question is, if you had feelings for someone would you tell them what the issue was, would you take time out to clear your head. Or would you just slowly back away, avoiding her and try to deal with this on your own? Do issues outside of the relationship ever make you want to step back and take time out? or would you keep quiet and not risk the fledgling relationship?

Sanjuro

unregistered wrote: »

would you just slowly cut her off, avoid contacting or spending time with her, just pulling away basically.

Whatever the issue is, do not do this. Put yourself in her position. If things were going well and suddenly she became distant, began pulling away from you and was cold, without explaination, how would you feel? Pretty confused and hurt, I'd imagine. Honesty is the best policy, pal. If you care about her, let her know what's going on with you. You're in a relationship. It's all about sharing.

[-0-]

unregistered wrote: »

Ok to be more specific, guy's been acting withdrawn recently, didn't say anything but i just knew something was off, so asked him if he was ok etc. he told me he was going through a hard time right now, and had some issues in his head he needs to sort out. I offered him space to sort thing through but he thought about it said he wanted us to continue that he would be ok in a couple of days. I'm not a clingy or possessive person and we've only been seeing each other a couple of months, things seemed to be going well so far. I guess my question is, if you had feelings for someone would you tell them what the issue was, would you take time out to clear your head. Or would you just slowly back away, avoiding her and try to deal with this on your own? Do issues outside of the relationship ever make you want to step back and take time out? or would you keep quiet and not risk the fledgling relationship?

Give him time. You don't know what has gotten him down, and it could be something that he doesn't want to talk about or wants to forget about when he is with you. He'll tell you about it if/when the time is right. I was seeing a girl for about 2 months and she was really down about something... it took her about 2 weeks to tell me what it was; her sister's boyfriend tried it on with her and she was really upset over it. Being there for her brought us closer, but every person is different.

Honestly, don't force the issue because you will come across as intrusive.

Barracudaincork

Dont think because he isnt telling you the issue he doesnt care etc for you, this isnt about you, its about him. He is having some crap at the moment and wants to deal with it himself. Men can be different to women, women like to talk the problem out and not always get a solution but the talking part is important to women. Men on the other hand are fixers, they dont talk in the hope of feeling better, they talk to get advice and fix whats wrong.

The only reason he hasnt told you, is he is working it out himself in his own head. Confirmation of this is when you offered space, he said no. He does appear to care etc about you, just try and be patient re this (and i think you have been so far, so keep up the good work!)

LegacyUser

Thanks O, i understand that he will open up in his own good time. I'm not one to be intrusive and told him that as long as he's honest with me, i'll be supportive and there for him. It's hard to know what to do, do i give him space even though he said he doesn't need it or just carry on as normal. I'm thinking the fact that he admitted he had an issue outside of "us" is a good sign. I'm totally terrified being honest, the first person i've opened up to in a long time, i guess i just don't know how to play this. I think i'll just pull back a bit, give him time to clear his head. He knows i'm there to talk but it's his issue and i can't solve it for him.