trust issues with boyfriend

SweetDreamer

Long story short- I cheated on my ex to get with my current bf. i hadnt seen my ex in nearly2months and i guess i was lonely. It’s not something I usually do and I feel bad about it but it really just happened and now im in love with him.
Of course i broke up with my boyfriend straight off and never told him- what would it have done but upset him? Its official now and EVERYONE knows how in love with each other we are etc etc- absolutely mad bout each other. I would be ssooo happy about this except one thing-
i don't trust him in the slightest! guess its ironic..
when we first started sneaking around with each other, i thought he was as crazy about me as i was. But obviously not the case. After the first two weeks, he slept with another girl and continuosly kissed other girls on nights out- thats bout twice a week. He even nearly got with my best freind 3 or 4 times. I'v confronted him a few times about it and the only response i get from him is- "i think you're forgetting you were going out with someone at the time". I suppose he's right and it was an awful thing ta do ta go sneakin around like that i really do feel awful- but i can't help thinking- why is the situation so much different now? I still see him as much as i used ta and am still as crazy about him. And he didnt seem to mind me having a boyfriend when he was sleeping wid me! i know its pathetic but am i right to be so bothered by this or is it my own fault for getting myself into this?
I can't stop picturing him holding my best friend in his arms or holding hands with other girls and its jus tearing me apart!! i even get aggitated when i see him chattin to my best friend!

krudler

Its your own fault to be blunt, you knew from the start he'd have no moral objections to cheating, so why were you surprised when he started doing it to you? surely after him sleeping with someone else you'd break up with him and leave it at that? no trust=no relationship

LegacyUser

she doesnt sound like much of a friend to me - it is generally a given that if you fancy a guy, he is off limits for your mates and they same rules apply back. or maybe im wrong but no way would i do it to a mate.

he doesnt sound like much either. ya, you cheated, but does that give him a get out of jail free card, for the length of your relationship. no it doesnt. it soundl like you want the two of you to be exclusive, he doesnt, and excuses his behaviour by bringing up your previous behaviour.

you deserve better - you know you did something wrong and are ashamed of that. hes not, in fact he distracts you from that by bringing up the past.

SweetDreamer

he only told me when we started going out that he slept with someone else and i nearly did break up with him but by that stage we had fell in love and it had been 3months since he'd slept with her. i was really confused what to do then and i've never been in love before so i'm still in the relationship. I know it's my own fault but i wouldn't say he was exactly thrilled either that i had a boyfriend and we wer close for ages before i cheated. he really is a great guy and he treats me like a princess. its jus somethin in the back of my mind that i cant shake.

kenbrady

You and him are going out now.
He was with other people before you started going out when he was single.
You were cheating on your boyfriend with him, but he was not cheating on anyone.

You are the only person who did any cheating. It will always be on his mind that you cheated on your boyfriend, even if it was with him. He will never fully trust you and that could lead him to cheat on you.

You don't trust him because you are a cheater and you are judging him by your low standards.

cafecolour

Umm. He's a player and you're getting played. Sorry.

Break up with him and have no more contact. And then I'd stay single for a while and learn to be comfortable in your own skin a bit more. That might help you a) deal with being alone for a time in a long distance relationship and b) have enough self-esteem not to stay with guys who jump at everything that moves while you're dating them.

Wibbs

Objectively I would say IMH anyway that a helluva lot of relationships start in similar ways. More than many will admit down the line. The notion of "we're in love" covers up and excuses many an indiscretion of sorts. Maybe not with actual cheating, but the old relationship is going stale and one person has their eye open for a new relationship and there is overlap.

The problem is in this case that actual cheating occurred on both sides. And there is an acceptance that this was somehow OK at the time as it led to were you both are now. The end justified the means. Unfortunately the means is coming back to haunt you.

Hard one. Basically you have to just trust him. And yourself. Easy to say, not easy to do, I know, but that's really the only choice you have. With work you may get through this concern, but it will take work.

martdalto

I agree with kenbrady. He didn't actually cheat on you, or anyone else! (Although you could technically say he cheated your bf)

He was single and seeing other people, while you were cheating on your boyfriend by sleeping with him. You don't trust him because you are jealous that he was with others, and not "waiting" for you, while you were going out with your bf.

It's a natural feeling to have I suppose, but he's right.. you have to remember that you were going out with someone.. he wasn't!

SarahSassy

kenbrady wrote: »

You don't trust him because you are a cheater and you are judging him by your low standards.

+1