ANY THOUGHTS

icon09

ive been with my gf 4yrs and have never cheated on her and love her dearly. we bought a house in the summer together and everything was perfect until someone very close to her died.since then she has become very cold towards me and almost resents the fact that im still alive.she has let herself go with regards of looking after herself and has no interest in having any type of a social life. anyway i was out last weekend and got very drunk and ended up walking a girl to a chipper and it turns out she is also in a relationship but we still swapped numbers and we were texting away pretty innocently until tonight when it got flirty and she wants to meet just for sex she told me. any thoughts. i know this is wrong but being resented 7 nights a week can take its toll.please help

merlie

Hi Op,

It sounds like your girlfriend is in a state of shock and mourning after the death of someone close to her. It also sounds as if you are not communicating enough to find out how she is feeling and what is going on in her life. You need to understand a bit more of the situation and by doing that you will understand why she is acting the way she is. Sit down and have a talk with her preferably in your house. Tell her you need to know what is going on and that you will be there for her and that you understand. It is not her fault the way she feels, you must understand losing someone close can be devastating. You need for her to tell you what is going on.

You say you love your girlfriend, but it is obvious you don't otherwise you would not consider cheating with this other girl.
I would suggest not making any moves with the other girl. She is messing your head and you are confused by all of what's going on around you. You need to stir clear of any involvement with her, no matter how tempting it is. She is in a relationship and so are you, cheating is never a good thing.

Just sort your relationship out and know where you are going with that. Communication is the key

magneticimpulse

i think you will know that majority of people will tell you sleeping with this girl behind your girlfriends back is the worse possible thing ever!!! my opinion NO NO and a BIG NO.

your girlfriend needs you more than ever now. death is a part of life and if you want to stick with her there will be other occassions when it will happen, not just to her but you also. i cant believe after buying a house together and 4 year relationship you would throw it all away at the drop of the hat? do you think your girlfriend needs this on her plate as well, you having an affair? this is the most sick thing i think anybody can do.

if you dont love your girlfriend, leave her!! then you can sleep with any woman in the world. this woman who is texting you, tell her to get some respect for herself and for her to sort out her problems. you should never be in a loving relationship and think its ok to sleep with another woman...thats not a loving relationship. please go to couple counciling and sort out your relationship. if you not interested in fixing it, then end it. but this is very selfish of you.

Taltos

Op, op, op.

You already know what everyone here is going to tell you

However if you think your partner is upset now - how do you think she will be when she finds out that during one of the lowest periods of her life you went off an f**ked some girl you walked to a chipper?
As it is exchanging numbers, texting etc - come on mate - playing with fire.

From the little you have written it seems your partner is really being afffected by the death - and who knows maybe you have a part to play in this as well? Could you have said something.

Look - sit her down - suggest you both go to bereavement counselling. But above all else - focus here on what is really important to you.
a) Long term relationship
b) Quickies with randomers

<sigh>

OS119

OP, don't avail yourself of this 'opportunity', you have some serious thinking to do - and these issues are a subjective matter of time and degree.

if your girfriend is having seriously hard time because 3 months ago her mum died then i'd suggest that you're lacking in patience and understanding, if 6 months ago her 14th cousin (once removed) who she met once at the age of 4 died and she's decided to live in a dark room and get fat and not wash then you perhaps need to think about whether you should stay in this relationship.

you do owe your GF compassion, undersanding and patience, you are not however obligated to stay with someone forever if they change their personality for whatever reason. if the personality you fell in love with is just 'away' for a bit while she's grieving then you ought to be a bit patient - however if the personality you fell in love with has gone then you ought to make a decision about whether you want to stay.

i'd suggest that if you're at the stage where you seriously consider a 'chip shop' offer then you need to think about this pretty quickly.

dublingal80

icon09 wrote: »

ive been with my gf 4yrs and have never cheated on her and love her dearly. we bought a house in the summer together and everything was perfect until someone very close to her died.since then she has become very cold towards me and almost resents the fact that im still alive.she has let herself go with regards of looking after herself and has no interest in having any type of a social life. anyway i was out last weekend and got very drunk and ended up walking a girl to a chipper and it turns out she is also in a relationship but we still swapped numbers and we were texting away pretty innocently until tonight when it got flirty and she wants to meet just for sex she told me. any thoughts. i know this is wrong but being resented 7 nights a week can take its toll.please help

It sounds like to me she is finding it awful hard hard to cope with this death and has now become depressed, which is completely understandable, especially if she doesnt care anymore how she looks and isnt going out anymore. I can understand your frustration at the whole situation but having an affair ith someone that is also in a relationship really isnt going to fix things

You need to decide if you want to be with your oh or not. If your do, sit with her and talk to her about what she is going through. suggest you go with her to counselling to support her becuase she is finding it very difficult to cope with it all. This is when she needs you most. Relationships have there ups and downs and this is obviously a down but she really really needs you there.

If you dont want to be with her, break up with her and then do whatever you want

A bit of flirting is harmless, but exchanging numbers and then texting and maybe meeting for sexy is just a no go! She will find out!!

At least talk to her first and take it from there

Wagon

icon09 wrote: »

ive been with my gf 4yrs and have never cheated on her and love her dearly. we bought a house in the summer together and everything was perfect until someone very close to her died.since then she has become very cold towards me and almost resents the fact that im still alive.she has let herself go with regards of looking after herself and has no interest in having any type of a social life. anyway i was out last weekend and got very drunk and ended up walking a girl to a chipper and it turns out she is also in a relationship but we still swapped numbers and we were texting away pretty innocently until tonight when it got flirty and she wants to meet just for sex she told me. any thoughts. i know this is wrong but being resented 7 nights a week can take its toll.please help

It's one of those periods where you have to take a lot of crap and help her in every way you can and not expect anything in return. Councelling is a good way to start, try as hard as you can. I know its really frustrating and i know its not your fault at all but throwing away a relationship for a quickie isnt a good idea. And i gaurantee, you'll regret it.