I'd like to ask for opinions and advice...

niall mc cann

This is a comic I'm working on.

I came to the realisation that trying to drag proper artists into projects wasn't going to work, so I started trying to draw myself, and I've gotten to a standard I just can't seem to get past. It works fine, and it gets the job done, and I am happy enough with it, but I'd like to get other people's opinions on the work, get some fresh perspectives, let me know where I'm going wrong. I've got the first two pages of a story I'm drawing at the moment (I'm working on it page by page), and I'd appreciate it if you folks could take a look and give some feedback.

Honestly, I'm not an artist, and I don't even know what questions to ask, so any criticism at all will be helpful. Cheers.

Here's the pages:
bunnymalone copy.jpg

P2 bunnymalone03.jpg

Klingon Hamlet

Hi I preferred page one, it seemed more dynamic, in page 2 I felt the angles were very repetitive. You have a good eye for striking shadows and I think you should use that more often. Fair play anyway!

Fysh

I think you did a pretty good job with both pages if you're not used to working as an artist. There's obviously room for improvement but it's a good first attempt.

A few things you might want to consider:

• I don't think the shadow on the title text works, and you may want to smooth the edges on the text itself.
• The perspective on some of your panels is off - the opening panel has no line to show the wall meeting the floor (which suggests a flat frontal perspective) whereas the filing cabinet and table are shown in an isometric perspective, which breaks the sense of depth.
• Your outlines would benefit from being either a bit thicker or a bit darker.

I quite like how you've used the various shades of grey to suggest colour; it's simple but effective.

I'm inclined to agree that of the two pages, the second is the less striking - but that's more down to "talky" pages being hard to spice up. It might be worth spending some time working out some simple but striking bits of furniture for any environments or backgrounds that you'll use regularly - that way you can try and make conversational scenes more interesting by using unusual perspectives on the scenery, or perhaps doing larger panels with more attention to detail on the surroundings, so that the visuals command as much interest as the dialogue or narration. You've already got a couple of items in your pages there - the cobwebbed portrait photo on the wall by the door, the radiator and the filing cabinets.

Keep us posted on your progress

niall mc cann

Thanks guys.

About the shadows/shades of grey; I'm glad people think it works. The story's a sraightforward noir pastiche, obviously. Going into it I didn't have much more of an idea than "wouldn't it be cool to do a hard boiled detective story with a bunny PI and a fox femme fatale?", so doing it black and white with plenty of shadows seemed like a no-brainer. Also, it meant I didn't have to spend time learning to colour it properly, which I think is a bit beyond me at the moment. The shadow's are important, at the moment I plan on them getting darker and more distinct the farther I get in.

The title lettering was a minor disaster from the get-go. It took me longer to do the title for the first page than all of the rest of the page put together, literally. Like I say, I have no experience at doing this, so it's very much trial and error for me. When you say "smooth the edges of the text" Fysh, what do you mean by that?

thanks for the advice re: spicing up talky pages also, I'm already almost finished the third page and I've tried to pack it with detail.

Thanks for taking the time to comment guys. anyone else with any criticism or advice, I'd still love to hear it.

Fysh

niall mc cann wrote: »

When you say "smooth the edges of the text" Fysh, what do you mean by that?

If you look at the letter A in particular in your title text, it's very jagged - probably because most commonly-used fonts aren't designed with the intention of being used at large sizes. Some fonts actually come in sets with different versions optimised for different sizes.

An easy way to try and sort out the jaggedness is to apply a slight blur effect to the text itself. How you do this depends on what program you're using, but in Photoshop or Photoshop Elements you would need to first rasterize the text (this means converting the text elements which are editable into a non-editable static image) and then select your blur effect.

Out of curiosity, how are you creating your pages?

almaocarroll

Hiya, I feel that anatomy and perspective is what's letting you down- the foxs' legs are far too small in the first page. After that I'd work on line weight on your inking- this means heavier lines to indicate weight and lighter lines to indicate the opposite (eg- heavy lines on the bottom of her feet, under chin, parts of hips etc) to give a more 3D effect. Be aware of the flow of the page aswell- everything should lead you to the next panel and where you want the reader to look.
Best bet is to beg steal or borrow a good tutorial book, most book shops have one and study the basics, join a life drawing class too as this will help you along in a big way. Hope that helps.

niall mc cann

Thanks for taking the time to comment, guys, I'm trying to take on board the tips you've given me, I'll post the next two pages in a couple of days, hopefully the difference will show.

I'm using manga studio and photoshop, Fysh. Inexpertly, but that's what I'm using!

niall mc cann

hey folks, just an update on the comic...

I've started posting it up on comicfury, you can check it out on bunnymalone.thecomicseries.com, again, I'm still looking for feedback as I go. If anyone here has done or been doing webcomics and has any advice about getting it out there or getting people to visit, that'd also be really helpful. Absolutely still looking for art and writing feedback, too, though.

cheers!

niall mc cann

Sorry about this folks, hope this doesn't count as thread bumping, but I do have a specific request for advice related to doing my own comic, and I didn't want to just start a completely new thread on whats a somewhat related topic.

Basically, I'm looking for some advice on inking in Manga Studio... I'm using a drawing tablet, it's a cheap one from aldi, bought years ago, but it works fine for me for most things I need it for.

The problem I have is when I come to ink the sketches, it has a tendency to suddenly scroll down the page as I draw the lines. I think it may be the pressure I'm putting on it, but if it is I'm getting it very difficult to guage in a way that I don't when I'm sketching.

Is anyone familiar with Manga Studio? Anyone encountered such a problem before? Anyone know of any way to adust the settings? Would I have to do it on the tablet or on Manga Studio?

Any advice anyone could give me would be appreciated. This is really grating on my nerves, and my work is suffering for it!