Does she like me or am I in the just friends zone?

LegacyUser

Hi
Ok this is gonna take a while to read and I apologies but I need some help with identifying whats going on. Its a fairly twisty story so I would be very very grateful if you could read the whole thing first. Sorry to be bossy but thats just the way it is
I started college this year(like the start of so many threads in here at the moment) and really started to get on quite well with all the people on the course.
There is one girl in particular who is really quite but very nice, I took a bit of a shine to her and although I never really got to speak to her properly I thought she was really nice and I felt confident enough too ask her out.
I was hoping to bide my time a bit and ask her out after we had gotten to know one another a bit better.
Unfortunatley at a party I got quite drunk and I asked her out in a really stupid and embarrassing way and I thought I had put her off. I also found out that from her friend night that she had never had a boyfriend and was kinda in disbelief.
A few days later one of her friends mentioned that she(the girl) would rather just be friends(we werent really friends in the first place at that point but hey) I said that was the impression I got and left it alone
We kinda ignored each other for a while but still said hey in the corridoors and that. Then I suppose one night out of the blue I was on facebook (lol dont worry this wont be a facebook romance story) and she sent me a message.
All she said was "hey how are you" and I was over the moon, so I started chatting to her via facebook for ages about nothing in particular. It kinda became a regular thing for us to talk for ages via Facebook or msn but to say nothing at all in college.
In the end I put real effort into talking to her about things we had dicussed the night before and we maybe started to relax in each others company a bit more. But we still were'nt even friends by a long shot.
She became friends with my flatmates girlfriend, so when his girlfriend would come around she would come too.
It usually ended up with my flatmate and his girlfriend all cuddled up on one couch and me and this girl on the other, feeling a bit awkward.
I made an effort to talk to her during these awkward times. Turned out we had similar tastes in movies, music, tv, even food lol and thats basically what we chatted about.
One night while my flatmate was getting particularly frisky and me and this girl were quite content chatting about absolutely nothing on the other side of the room she sent me a text(while sitting right next to me)
"Is it just me or is it awkward with the two of them over there"
so I replied
"Ya lol"
Eventually she said that she had never had a boyfriend and that the two of them over there was kinda making her depressed.
I cant remember what I said but we ended up basically complaining about there beaviour all night via our phones.
I suppose I kinda explained that if I was with someone I wouldnt be so erotic in public like.
I eventually dropped the two of them home and we had a great chat via msn about the night and laughing at my flatmate for being so in your face.
We kinda started to chat more in college after that but there was still an awkwardness for some reason.
Then the next night she was over, same situation with the flatmate and his GF.
I got out my laptop to put on some music.
I got up word and wrote her a message saying that if she wanted to be dropped home just to let me know there was no need for her to hang about if she didnt want to(herself and the flatmates girl are living together to). We ended up having a great laugh on the couch that night I think she was in tears laughing at one stage for some reason it was funny though, everytime I laughed she laughed, and we discovered how similar our music tastes were.
We talked on msn a few times about how much fun we had and we even started to text each other and actually talk in college.
I suppose about a week or two went by and we got fairly friendly.
One time she even showed me these really embarrassing pictures of her when she was a kid. I have them saved on the computer but for the life of me I cant bring myself to show them to anyone else!
Then one night on msn she told me how she was feeling very down about not having a boyfriend etc and I tried to cheer her up apparently I succeeded. I was so sorely tempted to ask her out that night, but I felt it just wasnt right as maybe she was kinda vulnerable.
We talked a few more times about random nonsense.
She told me a few times how she found it upsetting that everyone on the course seems to be in a relationship now and chatting about their previous ones, while she has had none.
One night she was having a bit of a row with her flatmate about moving flats. She was under alot of stress from uni and her flatmate was pressuring her for a decision, I was talking to her on msn that night and said why not come round to mine to chill out a bit seeing as my flatmate was going out with his girlfriend and we could just sit and have a beer and maybe watch father ted or some random ****e that we both liked. We invited a few more people but they werent willing to come(busy tired etc) so we arrived at the flat.
We were there no more than a few minutes when my flatmate turned up again with his girlfriend (remember now, my flatmates gf is also this girls flatmate and was putting her under pressure to make a decision). So I kinda decided to get the hell outta there and hopefully bring this girl with me cos the whole idea behind the night was to get her to chill out. So I made some silly excuse and managed to get her and myself out of there.
So we ended up driving around for hours having a great time completely relaxed in each others company talking about anything and everything, this was in the dark and even when we stopped in places it never felt awkward or weird.
She told me some more about how all the couples on the course were getting her down and a few more mildly personal things about herself as the night went on.
I was still so close to asking her out it was unbelievable but it felt like I could wreck a great night out and just cause her more stress. So I left it.
She said she had a great night and so did I. We were completely relaxed in each others company.

The other night while on msn she confessed that at one stage in her life she wanted to kill herself, its a feeling I can relate to. I had very low self esteem at one stage and I know this girl has low self esteem right now too, I promised I would never tell anyone but asked her that if she ever felt like that again she would tell someone. During that conversation she told me that she was closer to me than anyone else at the college and that she had never told anyone about this stuff ever.

I was honoured and I still love the girl to bits and I know shes better now.

Now that you fully understand the situation, I hope so I feel like I 've written a fecking novel! Let me describe where I need your help.
I've never had a relationship either! And I aint know looker. But I suppose I am confident with myself and I do make girls laugh. Just I never really mixed with people my own age until now.
Unfortunately I dont think this girl wants to be asked out by me. I think that maybe it would crush her confidence to be asked out by what is basically the runt of the pack. Like none of the good men would have her if you know what I mean.
I love her to bits, I think shes beutiful and lovely but I dont want to wreck a friendship or make her feel like I have betrayed her trust.
But then I dont want to miss an opportunity for something amazing either. She told me once that when she fancies someone she cant show it. Could that be a hint?
Am I blind or stupid, or in fantasy land?

Thank you so much for reading this painfully long post, and I look forward to your opinion!

BKtje

Why do you consider yourself the runt of the pack?

She obviously is looking for a boyfriend and while you may not be the one she is thinking about (you may also be you know) i don't think you'd cause any harm in asking. I would suggest taking it easy though in how you approach the subject.

You could suggest going for a meal sometime or a drink if you feel it would put less pressure on her (as friends to start with if you prefer) and see how it goes. If you get the vibe that she might be interested in more then you can try again for another night with perhaps more emphasis on it perhaps being a date, if not then you have a good night out with a friend.

I don't understand why you think you asking her out would crush her confidence. Being asked out is always flattering, especially if it isn't something that happens to her a lot. If she says no then you know where you stand, if she says yes then you can see where it goes. Just make it as unawkward as possible.

Good luck

Flesh Gorden

if she finds someone else you'll be the first to hear about it
and you'll have to put on a brave face every time you see them

just think of how that feels compared to a slight awkwardness of asking her out

If you don't take the chance you'll keep replaying this over and over again in your head
so take it while you still can