Where is my confidence gone?

LegacyUser

Hi I feel a bit silly writing this but basically my confidence has just dissapeared and I am a shadow of the person I used to be.
It's really getting me down because I know things used to be different and I don't like the person I am now. I'm in my final year in college and honestly I have two 'acquaintances' in my class in the 3 years I have been here; it's my own fault because I keep to myself not allowing people in so they can't not like me - because i don't like me. I haven't dated in 2 years and never get chatted up if I am ever out because I know I give off a don't come near me vibe, because again I presume they're not going to like me. I spend most of my days around crowds of people but am always alone. Academically I really don't know how I got here and feel over whealmed by the intellegence of the people in my class, I panic at the thought of group work or being picked out to answer a question because before I even try I tell myself i'm not going to get this right. I feel so alone and so sad, I don't want my life to continue like this, I used to be so confident and now even making a phonecall to someone I don't know sends me in a panic. I just don't understand where my confidence has gone and how to get it back. I am my own worst enemy, sometimes I just look in the mirror and say horrible things to myself about how I feel about myself. I really just want to feel again, because right now I just feel so sad and alone.

wylo

I think you need to step back and get some clarity, you are just piling everything up on yourself and your making it harder and harder to find a way out.

Every time you say something negative about yourself, it is getting stuck in your brain whether you like it or not. Sometimes you dont even consciously realize your saying these negative things about yourself, there just coming out in a stream as you go about your daily business.
Firstly you must understand where and why these thoughts came into your mind. If you cant figure that out, thats ok, it probably further proves that they are not true. But , if you do figure that out,it will help you realize why they are not true and that you are just making them up in your own head for no reason.

The most important thing you can do is begin to eliminate the negative chatter in your head. I would suggest you read up on meditation for clearing your mind, and affirmations for giving yourself postive thoughts. At the moment you are destroying your happiness by using negative affirmations, you need to start tackling this by using positive affirmations. There is plenty of info on the net about this. If you work hard and try and accept you will always have up and down days, your confidence will really begin to build. I was where you are now , so I know how it feels. Im not 100% yet but im defo getting there, i think im actually getting "greedy" with confidence, as in im actually starting to attempt things I wouldnt have even wanted to do before I lost my confidence.
Pm me if ya want any more advice. You have to remind yourself you have only one life, so no point wasting it by being miserable.

foxyboxer

I agree. The power of positive thinking is very underrated.
If you have the time I would suggest you look at this one hour documentary. It really changed my perspective on life and how positive a person can be.
Her name was peace pilgrim and although her views tend to be religious, they tend to focus on human behaviour instead, I have never seen a more confident person in all my life. Very inspiring to watch someone at complete peace with themselves. Hope it helps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ySs2rLcPhU

cbyrd

how about saying good things to yourself in the mirror instead of negative, or things like, if i'm really so crap how come i'm intelligent enough to be in college, what's the worst that can happen when i make this call, they can't see my face or know who i am so what's the big deal,... i went through a bad depressive period in my late teens and early 20's and i can honestly say now in my mid 30's it's the best thing that ever happened to me. It prepared me for life, it gave me a better understanding of other poeple and their reactions to me, by understanding why it was my thoughts that made me this way and other people really didn't notice me as much as i thought they did, i was putting all kinds of thoughts of how others saw me into what other people were probably thinking of me, and to be honest when you look, and i mean be really honest with yourself, who is telling you you're crap at everything?? you or someone else??? who is saying you can't do stuff you or someone else??? why not just for once say you know i think i am good at this, or i'm a good person i don't hurt other people or animals and i'm not doing anything most other people dont' do. when you look at other people do you think they have a charmed life or maybe if you really listen to them you'll discover what really goes on in your mind goes on in others aswell, it's a slow process but only you can change yourself, even with all the help in the world nobody can change your attitude but you and you deserve better than to run yourself down all the time. you may find that the negative vibe your giving out may come across to others as stand-offishness rather than shyness, misinterpretations have a lot to answer for.
I took an overdose when i was 19, if i could go back and tell my younger self anything it would be this, Life is going to throw all kinds of **** at you, but the best part is you'll deal with it, you'll have fun and love and 3 kids and move house 5 times.
you wish you could change all this, and you will as soon as you realise it's pressure you are putting on yourself and you have the power to change it.;)

LegacyUser

Thank you very much for your replies. That youtube link is very useful but I didn't really connect with it, again like its good for other people but not me. In an attempt to be kind to myself I played some inspirational meditation online, which relaxed me to the point that I fell asleep which I really needed. Last night I got this overwheamling feeling of sadness like i've never felt before and I just cried and cried for about an hour, stopped, and started again; I never felt that before and neither do I ever want to. It is with great apprehension that I have decided to go to the college counsillor because to be honest I feel like this is more than a lack of confidence and self worth, I haven't felt 'right' for a long time and I have bottled everything up and if I am completely honest with myself I know need help. I think this is a small piece of a bigger picture and when I give myself time to heal I will learn to love myself again.