Your best fart story...

rofno1

Well?

I'll start off. Picture the scene, its a dull grey day in April and in a packed church, a solemn funeral it taking place. Few pints the night before wit the rent-a-crowd, as you do, to give a good send off to a dear relative.

Next, I get that tickling sensation in your nose that lets you know a sneeze is on the way. As church is in complete silence except for the muffled tear of the close family at front, I chose to stifle the sneeze or at least contain it as best I can.....

Big mistake. The gassy ass that I already had from lager could not contain the instant pressure build up from the sneeze so instead of an sneeze breaking the silence, and machine gun FFFFAARRRRRPPPP, amplified by the wooden bench rips out of my ass, echoing around church for at least 10 seconds.

Women weep, babies cry, men chuckle and I'm written out of several wills that day.

Bugger.

Jaysus, I can't believe I told that but I had to give something back after being in tears at "Bulmers Pear" thread!

adamski8

so this is the subject that finally got you to register

rofno1

Well, I can only improve from here!

funk-you

I'd have to selotape my brow to my shoes to share with ya rof, and I'm just not willing to do that right now...

-Funk

I had a fart...And it was a bit wet.

seanybiker

ha ha ha stealth farts are hilarious.

Kimbot

OP. Ever light a fart??

Its the funniest thing in the world!! :P

genericguy

jonny24ie wrote: »

OP. Ever light a fart??

Its the funniest thing in the world!! :P

it really isn't, and the smell of burning pubic hair stays in our nostrils for days.

poisonated

I was in Irish college,in an old,rather packed,depressing room.The person running the Irish college was in a foul mood.She was giving out to everyone.She got me to stand up for misbehaving.So there I was standing in front of the crowded room and after giving out to me she asks if I have anything to say.At this moment,I let one rip.Cue a room full of laughter.

BrianD3

6th year honours maths class, small class of around 20 in a tiny classroom, I am sitting in the 2nd desk from the front. The previous night I had a huge feed of steak and onions and I could feel some horrendous onion farts brewing. So I let one vile silent fart after another, I knew from the minute my anus opened that these were going to be the high point of my farting career. just about gassed those directly behind and smelt by everyone including the teacher. I think some paint started to come off the walls as well.

Kimbot

genericguy wrote: »

it really isn't, and the smell of burning pubic hair stays in our nostrils for days.

Thats why you make sure you wearing jeans.... never singe a hair again!

4zn76tysfajdxp

No toilet threads.