Totally confused :(

LegacyUser

I've never posted anything like this before but I feel I would benefit from your opinions as I feel that any opinions I'm getting from my friends are biased.

Ok, so I'm 19, have had long-term boyfriend but I haven't been in a relationship since we broke up almost two years ago. It ended badly and kind of put me off relationships. I've had a few casual things going on, met a few guys on nights out, holidays etc, just a bit of fun.

For the past 6 months I've ended up with one of my best friends almost everytime we go out together and I don't mean ended up sleeping with him just kissing and whatever. We spent a lot of time together during the summer, mostly drunken times. However I could feel myself falling for him so I distanced myself. We both went to different colleges in Septemeber so it was easy not to bump into him as much as I used to.

Anyway back to the present day, myself and a friend went over to stay with him and the other lads he lives with last week. At this point I had my emotions in check and knew that if we did end up together again it would just be a casual thing. So we all went to bed and I climbed in beside him without a second thought. We had a chat and fell asleep. I woke up at six o'clock the next morning and he was awake and kissed me when I opened my eyes, one thing led to another and we had sex. This was the first time we had sex together. We both fell back asleep and everything was fine when we got up.

I stayed over the next two nights and so did my friend. The next night he went to bed early and was alseep when I went up to bed. The day after that he wasn't himself he was really quiet but things weren't akward between us. That night my friend went to bed so I went into her for a chat and was just going to sleep in with her but I wanted to make sure he was ok. So I went into his room for a chat and he said he was grand just a bit out and put his arm around me and we fell asleep listening to music.

I went home the next day and a few days later was his birthday, I text him to see if he was going out for it or whatever and got no reply. I think I just need to let him know that I'm not looking for a relationship beacause I think he reckons that I am and he freeked himself out by what happened the other morning because we were both sober and what not.

There's a party going on in his house this week so I was planning on heading over early to clear the air. He's not a talker, comes from a farming background and he rarely even confides in his best friends. I don't know how to approach this with him without him just brushing it off..

Any advice would be appreciated,
Thanks

magneticimpulse

I wouldnt tell him that you dont want a relationship. because why do you want to sleep with him or keep contacting him if you dont want one? you will only mess with his head and play mind games with the chap.

Did he have sex before? Was it his first time? there could be a number of reasons why he has distance himself from you and it might not have to do with you at all. If he is interested in you I am sure he will let you know. I dont think there is a need to have a big chat with him to clear the air. Guys dont really need big chats to clear the air after having sex with someone, in fact quite the opposite. im sure he has his mates for that. just get on with things and have fun at the party. enjoy yourself. if your not looking for a relationship with this guy, then stop bothering him, find another guy who is more up for a one night stand.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I wouldnt tell him that you dont want a relationship. because why do you want to sleep with him or keep contacting him if you dont want one? you will only mess with his head and play mind games with the chap.

Did he have sex before? Was it his first time? there could be a number of reasons why he has distance himself from you and it might not have to do with you at all. If he is interested in you I am sure he will let you know. I dont think there is a need to have a big chat with him to clear the air. Guys dont really need big chats to clear the air after having sex with someone, in fact quite the opposite. im sure he has his mates for that. just get on with things and have fun at the party. enjoy yourself. if your not looking for a relationship with this guy, then stop bothering him, find another guy who is more up for a one night stand.

Thanks for your reply. I think you took me up wrong however.

I'm not looking for a guy to have a one night stand with, never said I was. I'd just rather keep it casual with this guy and that's what I thought he wanted too. He's a great friend but I don't think he's be a great boyfriend iykwim. To answer your questions yes he has has sex before but he has always been drunk or stoned asfaik, so I think it was strange for him with me because we were both sober.

I can't just walk into his house and pretend like nothings wrong, I'm not going to have a big deep chat with him just a few words to set things straight. He doesn't confide in his friends, I was talkin to one of his best friends yesterday and he wanted to know if he confided in the girls because he doesn't talk to the lads about anything like that. A few of the lads even got stuck in a lift last week, they were all quite drunk and had a bit of a heart to heart but he didn't open up at all. I think it all stems back to his up-bringing as I mentioned before.