Disgusted

LegacyUser

I am going unregistered for this. I was with my ex for a good number of years. He had wanted a long term relationship and although I had not been looking for someone when I met him, overtime I fell in love with him and he with me. It was really great. He was always there and very very loving and caring. We had the type of relationship where we were so like each other and had same/similar likes and dislikes. He was very interested in what I did and I was with him. We were planning to be together, talked of having children, the usual things and what we wanted for the future. He was unlike any guy I had ever met. We still individuals within the relationship and although he sometimes felt as if he cramped my space sometimes, I loved the fact that he was there. He told me that he would be 'always with me' and I really thought that we had staying power, then when things went bad..he decided to end it. It could have been sorted but he said he would never get back with me. No I didn't cheat or nothing. He left me standing with all the love I had for him...he still walked away.

Looking back I am rather disgusted at myself cos I had invested sooooooo much in the relationship, love, time, the little money I had etc. I never had many boyfriends, he was only the second in my life, and I sincerely thought I had met the man of my dreams. He was everything I had wanted in a man, caring, loving, loyal, trustworthy, fun, sexy etc.
But now I don't know what to think of where my mind must have been to be taken in by such a person. I really believed all the things he said to me and I recall saying to him, " Are you for real?", or " Are you real?" Cos he sure didn't seem that way. He was to good to be true. I am disgusted also at myself for having given myself totally when we made love. I had done things with him that I never ever thought I would. Oh yes, he loved it and I did too but I am disgusted at myself now because I thought I we would be together for a very long time and that we had a future and I was so comfortable and trusted him completely, I had nothing to fear and we matched each other perfectly, it was amazing. But now it sickens me when I think about all of that I did with him. I so disgusted with myself.

I am not over him yet and I know I need time for all the hurt to heal. I find it hard to trust men now and I won't be investing that much ever again. I did want a long term relationship, one that where we could grow old together etc., but I realise that when someone says forever, its only really for the moment. I do not believe in 'forever' any more. Maybe I was gullible and taken in by him, but I really believed in him, I really thought we could get through anything, cos we talked so much and wanted the same things out of life. Truth be told, if roles were reversed, we would still be together.

I know now, being out of the relationship, that we were not really on the same page. He didn't love me as much as I loved him otherwise he would have fought tooth and nail to make this work. I had the staying power, he didn't. Maybe I loved him more than he loved me, but that will never happen again, I cannot afford to be hurt. I do cry a lot and think of him, though I am trying to get on with my life. It had been such a deep emotion filled relationship, that when he left, he took a huge chunk of my life with him. It made a farce of everything he had said to me. But I loved what we had and I am feeling rather lost without him, but I am trying my best to keep occupied and sort my life out.

How do you get over all that? Have you had the same or similar situation?

jellyboy

hi op...

i read ur post and really want to hug you...

i dont think that anything anybody could write would in anyway help you right now.
i read of the huge loss in ur post,it was like reading the death of your realship..

it brought huge hope to my heart and a great sense of understanding..
that even through the pain humans can still be honest and open...


he was that person and more...
but he now isnt ,that is his chioce...he has turned away from all that you have to offer,the dreams,life,hope,sadness, happiness,etc

u still have those gifts,u might not offer them to a guy right now but u will,
try not to deny urself a chance of happiness in the future, by the inaction of a person who isnt there....

try not to lock them away in ur heart....
in time reread ur post ,and take away the negative....

iits a true love story...and somthing i hope u will in time be proud of..

Sanjuro

I think being 'disgusted' at yourself is completely irrational. Look, there's no such thing as star-crossed lovers, 'we're destined to be together' and other such things. Sure, when we're in a relationship, especially in the early stages, you certainly get caught up in the whole thing and make ludicrous declarations of love that in hindsight seem embarassing and over the top. We've all done it.

And when you do end up being (for want of a better word) the dumpee, you feel doubly embarrassed that you made these declarations and then ended up being rejected. Take it from me, with one girl, I'd have cut off my arm if she wanted. I was young, in love and wanted to yell it from the roof-tops. But then we broke up, and I was the one who ended up being hurt more. But you learn from these things. I learned a lot about relationships, and how I conduct myself in them. And I'm a better person for it. I don't regret anything that happened, and sometimes chuckle at how over the top it all seems now.

Don't beat yourself up. Relationships begin fantastically, and almost always end with pain. But that's part of the process. Don't feel like you're an idiot for giving yourself over to someone. How else are you supposed to act? If it feels good, do it. If you doubt the situation, don't. But don't be paranoid of all future relationships because you got burned. It happens. It would be great if we could just brush it off, but feelings get hurt. You never know, you could be the one doing the dumping in the future and then you'd experience it from the other side.

Whatever happens, don't hate yourself for what you did. It serves no purpose. Just learn from the situation and put it down to experience!