Dilema at home!

LegacyUser

Hey had to go unreg for this,

Long story short I fell out with my father in January - on my birthday, he started a row for no reason at all and even after I tried to sort it out.

Then with no speaking at all it was a quiet house and then in March he fell out with mam, so its 3 of us in the house and nobody talking, only myself and mam.

I understand hes depressed about work and things like that but hes pushing us further and further away!

Heres my dilema though - how do myself and him try sort this out! Himself and my mother are over - they wont be sorting things out

Its killing me and her Everytime he walks by me or out of the room Im ready to cry

SarahMc

How old are you, is it possible to move out? Marriage breakdown is not pretty, and if you can, leave them to it, and focus on your relationship with them both from a distance.

However, if this is not an option, all you can do is offer another olive branch. Don't get involved in what is happening between your parents, but tell your dad you would like to have a relationship with him again, and you are there for him.

LegacyUser

Im 25, and yeah it is possible for me to move out but if I do my mother is left with him on her own, now he isnt violent or anything but shes depressed about it too. Shes waiting to try sell the house - even though shes gonna loose a massive amount of money

I get on great with my mam, Im the only girl and was always my fathers little girl, but its now approaching my birthday again and it will be a year without speaking!

My brothers dont understand it because they dont live here, they know what is going on but dont see the full extent of it

SarahMc

Its not healthy for you to be living there. You can support your mam from a distance. My advice is to move out, and leave them get on with the messy business of the marital breakdown whilst you get on with your own life.

Elba101

Hey op,

I know for you moving out isn't an option. The thought of your parents living together knowing that they're both depressed is horrible. If you want it to get better you have to talk to your dad. If you feel that you can't then you could write it all in a letter? The situation will only get worse. Tell themhow you feel. It'll probably be a long process but can it really get worse than it already is?

Xterminator

if you get your own place, it will be somewhere you can get away from the poisonous atmosphere, and your mam can get a break too, by dropping over to you.

good luck

Oryx

OP, the real problem as I see it is that you are caught up in all the emotion of your parents breakup. Even though you try to remain neutral in a situation like that, your father clearly doesnt see it that way. What kind of man is he? Depressed, solitary, angry? He may be angry even if its in a quiet way, and see this as a war where everyone takes sides.
It may be that unless you come completely over to 'his side' in this split, he may not feel able to overcome the pain and anger and relate to you.

Thats why I would also advise making some space between you. You can do that and still be there for your mother. Staying at home in your situation is only making both of you suffer to the same degree. If you get away, it might actually put you in a better position to do something. Dont feel you HAVE to prop your mother up. A marriage breakup is only about the two people involved, at the end of the day. Others can help but the couple themselves have to face the emotion and deal with it.

If you gain some space from your father, hopefully it will defuse the awful tension youre living under now. It will allow you to approach him and attempt to talk, with the knowledge that you can leave and cool off (both of you) if it doesnt go well. Thats too hard to handle when you have a huge row and still have to share a bathroom. You neednt give up, and keep attempting to get through to him, but at a remove that will preserve your sanity.