Getting back out there!

magneticimpulse

Well I posted before and moving back to Ireland in 3 weeks. Was on "break" from ex boyfriend (he lives in ireland), however since we have not been in contact I doubt we can start things again? Anyway maybe I send him a Christmas Card and suggest going for a drink? (he told me to contact him over Christmas) My ex once said how is a great girl like you single and you tick all my boxes!

In the meantime, ive also got in my mind, that I should start looking and dating. Ive built up my confidence and ive been working on myself (i was very down and depressed, but spoke to someone). Ive decided to give the Internet Dating another try(although ive had many bad experiences and wasted alot of money on it in the past im keeping my options open). I wont have a job initially, so financially, the internet dating is will have to be free until i spot someone.

Appearance wise and clothes im happy enough with, as thats me. I do activities, sport and I will be joining lots of clubs in Ireland. However I do understand, that from the few meetings ive gone to, ive not met my type at these social events (meetup). Im quite chatty, but cant get emotional which is my downside.

Id just like some initial dating tips on what to do, what really turns guys off? Is it ok to just go up and chat to a guy in a club/bar? i have a sacarstic sense of humour, which guys can take as being serious? is this a turn off? is there specific places/pubs to go in Dublin which would be good to meet? comedy clubs, gigs?

magneticimpulse

no advice at all its the same too in relationships, am i that unapproachable?

starttheend

Hi, first of all well done for 'working on yourself' you come across happy within yourself which is a big help when meeting new people. As for advice on meting people, what I would say is don't try too hard. Just get out there and do things that you enjoy, if this is going to comedy nights, gigs or clubs etc. do these things and you will find you just meet people, and will already have interests in common. As a guy I would say the one thing that makes a girl very unapproachable is if she looks very stuck up/ not enjoying herself, just standing around pouting. Just get out there and enjoy yourself, nothing more attractive than a person who is happy and enjoying their life
Also if you have the confidence to approach men your interested in, go right ahead, what's the worse thing that can happen, personally love it if a girl approaches me.
Also a bit of a cliche here but be youself, if a guy is going to like you, he will prob have to get your sense of humour. There is no secret to meeting people but just get yourself out there and enjoy your life and you will meet people. good luck

magneticimpulse

thanks alot starttheend,
you got things bang on i think. at this stage i think i try everything possible to be positive and get out there. but with each break up it takes a beating and its difficult to get back up there and be 100% positive again. but this time im determined to get out there and make a real effort. (to have fun of course as well) ive had prob at least 11 relationships and lots of kissing. thats never a problem to meet someone,but its just going beyond that. i actually want a relationship but its getting the right balance as sometimes i can come across as too much of a party girl. i dont know but i know something is not going right as otherwise i would have a boyfriend. your right, i can try too hard as i want a relationship to work and sometimes im not myself...i try to mirror and be cool like the guy and that shows.

starttheend

Just a last bit of advice, make sure you don't just end up in a relationship with someone because you want a relationship, meeting the right person is most important thing!

G-Money

I agree with earlier posters in that being approachable is crucial. If you are standing there, arms crossed, looking angry or fed up, very few guys are going to approach you. If you are out with your friends, try and smile and laugh as much as you can. Laughing is more difficult as it usually requires something funny to happen, but a smile costs nothing. One thing I noticed last year when I was trying to get back out there myself was that smiling definitely helped. I don't mean going around with a big psychopathic grin on your face. But just a warm, full, natural smile. Regardless of how others see it, it will make you feel better yourself. It can be hard though. Some nights you're just not feeling social or don't have a lot of energy. That's ok. It's impossible to be "on" and in great form 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As long as it's the exception, rather than the rule, then it's ok to have a few off nights here and there.

You sound like you are still hoping to get back with your ex. I don't know whether this is true or not, but that will turn any prospective guy off immediately.

I'm guessing you know this, but don't talk to guys about other guys that you like. When I'm talking to a girl I'm interested in, there's few things that will annoy/turn me off more than to hear her bang on about some other guy all the time. In my mind I'll be wondering why she feels the constant need to discuss him. Is she trying to make me jealous? Is she really into him? Either way it will just turn the guy off. I remember one time getting the train with a co-worker in the evening when I lived abroad and we were chatting about stuff and out of the blue she brought up the subject of a date she was on. Immediately in my head I was like "Ah ffs, here we go". And no word of a lie, I completely tuned out. I was sitting there nodding but I was paying no attention to anything she was saying. Instead I was looking at other girls on the train that I fancied and thinking not so pure thoughts about them Occasionally I would tune back in for a few seconds to see if I was my cue to say something, then I'd tune out again.

I'm not saying you talk about other guys to potential new guys, but I think it's something that some girls are oblivious to. No potential guy is going to want to hear about other guys that you like or went out with, end of story.

Internet dating is ok. I haven't had much luck with it myself but I go back to it when I get bored. Plentyoffish is free so that should suit you if money is tight. You'll get completely bombarded with messages though, especially if your picture is even half way decent and you're not completely like the back end of a bus.

I'm actually thinking about doing speed-dating myself to see what that's like, as well as salsa lessons. I'm also thinking about other stuff I'm interested in that I could make take classes in or get involved in.

I'm a bit like yourself in that I'm trying to get back out there as well. In certain respects I may as well be moving here for the first time as everyone I know is pretty much coupled up. Keep us posted in how you get on. Feel free to pm me if you like.

Good luck.

magneticimpulse

thanks alot for the responses and they were really good too. exactly advice which i was looking for. grandmaster i was impressed...you sound much more optimistic and good advice. its my technique which i really lack in. i would consider myself a great friend and definitely i think i could make a great potential girlfriend. however its getting that balance right by trying to stay keen but without overdoing it and looking like a bunny boiler. i tend to swing from one to the other. i have actually brought up other guys to my ex. i played the game too cool and he thought i wasnt interested. yeah so definitely wont be doing that again. i think its worth it to at least send him a christmas card. its only a few weeks away and by then ill have an answer. im not getting my hopes up about that, and keeping motivated by thinking that i should at least start dating new people (after i find out if ex interested). as for being in a relationship for the sake of it? its why ive never commited myself to a serious relationship before. i concentrated on living life. now im nearly 29 and i actually would like to be in a relationship. i dont date anyone, and they dont have to be overly attractive, if i get on with them, im willing to do everything to make it work. im pretty happy that way. its just the guys i meet dont seem to click so far. thanks again.