Do women guilt men into marriage?

acb

Hi,
was anyone else watching that program on RTE last night with Ray D'Arcy presenting it. 'Men & Women'.

On the intro they had a couple on a date and put us (Females) into one of three categories of
1) biological clock ticking,
2) gold digger and
3) sex manic.

I found that way off base and very annoying.

Then later in the program one of the guys said women guilt men into marriage...which got me thinking......have I done this???
Am going out with a guy just over 3 years and we're getting engaged in Christmas…note its not going to be a surprise for me !
Clearly we've talked about it...or maybe if I honestly say its been me that brings it up.

I'm worrying now that because I brought it that am I guilt-ing him into marriage. I feel men would get married if they didn’t want to.
If I bring this up he's going to say 'yeah, I do want to'.
End of conversation, there will be no elaboration and if I persist I am potentially going to look like I'm 'nagging'.
I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to know where the relationship is going. I guess I'm impatient. I know what I want if just feel if the ther person doesnt then whats the point continuining.....?

I dont think really I have guilted him into this, but hearing that last night made me feel kinda sick...so maybe I do think it!!!

I have heard of loads of girls saying asking when is he going to pop the question.......are these relationships doomed???

Okay- going to stop now, am starting to feel like Jessica Parker from Sex in the City albeit a badly worded one;)

Looking forward to reading others opinions?
Do women guilt men? and is it terrible if we have done it?

How Strange

I'm 100% sure that Mr. HS couldn't have been guilted into marriage. He says he asked because he thought I wanted it but that's BS. I mentioned it as a hypthetical once or twice recently but never ever pushed it or said it was something I wanted. If I'd have pursued it then we probably would've broken up. He only does things when he's ready to do them and that's not a criticism of him. In fact I like it because I know that when he does something he's doing it because he wants to.

ntlbell

I think some women apply a lot more pressure than others.

My personal opinion is if it was never mentioned the vast majority of men would happily keep the status quo and never get married, I think a lot of them get pushed to a point were they feel if they don't get married they will lose their partner. I don't think women go "marry me or I'm gone" but there's lots of ways of saying it without saying it.

I enjoyed the show last night and I found miss independent who hit the bottle of wine as soon as she got in the door to look out over her balcony on her own to show how content she was with her life was pretty amusing.

she ended up just coming across like a rebellious teenager, pretty sad to see.

acb

I agree, I think she did come across as a bit of a teenager and it didnt look good coming in and going staight for the wine.

Lol felt herself and that journalist in the green would be well suited!

Toots

ntlbell wrote: »

I don't think women go "marry me or I'm gone" but there's lots of ways of saying it without saying it

I know a girl who actually did say that. He 'proposed' and 3 months later they'd split up.

Ickle Magoo

Regardless of what I think of any woman who uses a "tactic" specifically to get her OH to propose, men who don't really want to get married and only propose because the missus is whining about it sound completely spineless.

We talked about marriage quite a few times, initiated by him half of the time - in the same vein as the "do you want kids" chats and the "if we won the lotto" chats. We were living together (at his suggestion) & I was actually dragging my heels about taking things further, he was quite keen.

Malari

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Regardless of what I think of any woman who uses a "tactic" specifically to get her OH to propose, men who don't really want to get married and only propose because the missus is whining about it sound completely spineless.

We talked about marriage quite a few times, initiated by him half of the time - in the same vein as the "do you want kids" chats and the "if we won the lotto" chats. We were living together (at his suggestion) & I was actually dragging my heels about taking things further, he was quite keen.

Totally agree.

Someone needs to bring up these topics. Just because you do doesn't mean you are putting the pressure on. Sometimes you can be negative about it but need to bring it up just to see if you are thinking along the same lines.

ntlbell

esharknz wrote: »

Utter rubbish in my case.

We got engaged after 3 months together, and there was no way, that at 26, my biological clock was ticking (still can't hear it!), I had plenty of money of my own, and nevermind the third.

While there are probably women out there who want to settle down and have children, I also know of plenty of men who would want marriage (seems, in my experience, to be men who have bought houses on their own).

It was all his idea too, I was just happy to accept!

You do understand the difference between a general stereotypical x,y,z.

and

Every single woman in the country, right?

They did it to the men too.

we all watch football?

nope.

We drink a lot.

nope.

We all pick our noses in the presences of the ladies.

nope.

but a huge amount of men do, if they're to put in ever single type of possible personality the show would run for a few months.

So you can stop sitting there patting yourself on the back for *not* being one of them.

it's just a gene thing, not a talent.

bernyh

I dunno if I guilted him or made him **** himself!! lol!! His mother being a proud irish catholic would have put up with us being "in sin" for so long, but I know that she would have moaned at him if it was for too long.....

I told him (after 5 years together) that if I wasn't married before I turned 31 I would refuse to get married! Cos I had always dreamed of the whole white wedding and maybe after that age I would be too old!

we never "talked" about it other than that convo, but I can't help thinking that was a catalyst to his proposal!

But I do love him and I am sure he loves me!!

Trashed

He wants the complete package and is trying to guilt me into marriage!!

We have the house/car/kid/dog thing going on........ and there is an age gap so he wants to get married asap and I would rather wait a while..... but we do what we do to keep our men happy!

population

Guilted is really the wrong word here. I just think the concept of marraige does not appeal to men so sometimes they need a shove. I am married but I am very much of the opinion that marraige is for women.

I never wanted to get married, I never dreamt of my wedding day and once we tied the knot I consigned the wedding day to memory rather than watch the video or pour over pictures etc. I love my wife but would have been perfectly happy to stay with her and never walk up the aisle. It just does not mean anything to me. What matters is love and respect and I loved and respected her enough to do this.

Babies is the most important conversation by far though

koHd

acb wrote: »

Hi,
was anyone else watching that program on RTE last night with Ray D'Arcy presenting it. 'Men & Women'.

On the intro they had a couple on a date and put us (Females) into one of three categories of
1) biological clock ticking,
2) gold digger and
3) sex manic.

I found that way off base and very annoying.

Then later in the program one of the guys said women guilt men into marriage...which got me thinking......have I done this???
Am going out with a guy just over 3 years and we're getting engaged in Christmas…note its not going to be a surprise for me !
Clearly we've talked about it...or maybe if I honestly say its been me that brings it up.

I'm worrying now that because I brought it that am I guilt-ing him into marriage. I feel men would get married if they didn’t want to.
If I bring this up he's going to say 'yeah, I do want to'.
End of conversation, there will be no elaboration and if I persist I am potentially going to look like I'm 'nagging'.
I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to know where the relationship is going. I guess I'm impatient. I know what I want if just feel if the ther person doesnt then whats the point continuining.....?

I dont think really I have guilted him into this, but hearing that last night made me feel kinda sick...so maybe I do think it!!!

I have heard of loads of girls saying asking when is he going to pop the question.......are these relationships doomed???

Okay- going to stop now, am starting to feel like Jessica Parker from Sex in the City albeit a badly worded one;)

Looking forward to reading others opinions?
Do women guilt men? and is it terrible if we have done it?

I think this post gives a lot of insight into the situation. Women think waaaay too much about this kind of thing! If it's supposed to happen it will happen. Be happy with the other person and tru not to think about it too muxh. When you think about it, if you're anxious to get married ans don't see a point in continuing the relationship without marriage, you're basically saying you don't trust this guy til he signs a contract stating how he will love you and not cheat, and that he will pay a severe penalty if he breaks that contract. Funny.

population

koHd wrote: »

I think this post gives a lot of insight into the situation. Women think waaaay too much about this kind of thing! If it's supposed to happen it will happen. Be happy with the other person and tru not to think about it too muxh. When you think about it, if you're anxious to get married ans don't see a point in continuing the relationship without marriage, you're basically saying you don't trust this guy til he signs a contract stating how he will love you and not cheat, and that he will pay a severe penalty if he breaks that contract. Funny.

Yep. And even at that marraige is no guarentee a man won't cheat

bills

koHd wrote: »

I think this post gives a lot of insight into the situation. Women think waaaay too much about this kind of thing! If it's supposed to happen it will happen. Be happy with the other person and tru not to think about it too muxh. When you think about it, if you're anxious to get married ans don't see a point in continuing the relationship without marriage, you're basically saying you don't trust this guy til he signs a contract stating how he will love you and not cheat, and that he will pay a severe penalty if he breaks that contract. Funny.

Dont think thats true at all. I would like to get married some day but that does not mean i dont trust my partner now. I wouldnt be with him if i didnt trust him. I dont want to marry him so he will love me & not cheat. I expect him to not cheat now & we are not married. I dont think any woman wants marriage just so a man wont cheat on them- come on we are not that naive.