Friends just left the party

LegacyUser

Got married a few weeks back. We obviously invited friends that we've been close to forever. Both of us got chatting to them before dinner so all's good. Then dinner's over and room cleared to set up for band. I went upstairs to bustle up dress then back down for quick mingle in the room and our first dance. I walked back into the room and it was half empty. Just family were there really and all friends absent. We did our first dance and then did a few more cringe dances with just the bridal party on the floor. Still no friends appeared. All stayed in the pub at the front of the hotel instead of in the bar in our function room. I was so mad and i'd said I wanted them to help us out with the embarrassment of the first dance which they readily agreed to in advance of the wedding. I said nothing on the night but as I said I was angry as hell. Anyway I get back from honeymoon on friday to be greeted with a mail about how I spent no time with them on the night and do I loose it with them now or just make up some reason why we didn't leave our reception to drink with them in the bar?

Rantan

AngryFriend wrote: »

Got married a few weeks back. We obviously invited friends that we've been close to forever. Both of us got chatting to them before dinner so all's good. Then dinner's over and room cleared to set up for band. I went upstairs to bustle up dress then back down for quick mingle in the room and our first dance. I walked back into the room and it was half empty. Just family were there really and all friends absent. We did our first dance and then did a few more cringe dances with just the bridal party on the floor. Still no friends appeared. All stayed in the pub at the front of the hotel instead of in the bar in our function room. I was so mad and i'd said I wanted them to help us out with the embarrassment of the first dance which they readily agreed to in advance of the wedding. I said nothing on the night but as I said I was angry as hell. Anyway I get back from honeymoon on friday to be greeted with a mail about how I spent no time with them on the night and do I loose it with them now or just make up some reason why we didn't leave our reception to drink with them in the bar?

your wedding, your rules, lose them!

tinkerbell

They sound like inconsiderate gits to be honest. I can't believe they had the cheek to send you an email saying you spent no time with them - they left! You can't spend your wedding night running around after people who are not even in the same room as you.

krudler

"you spent no time with them" ?! WTF?! its your wedding! its not a night out in the pub its one of the most important events of your life! ****ing hell what a bunch of immature idiots, you'd think most people would take it as normal that a bride has a bit more on her plate than hanging around with her friends at her own wedding, I'd never speak to someone again who showed that kind of self obsessed attitude and made you mad on your wedding day, lifes too short to be worrying about what people like that think

mikemac

AngryFriend wrote: »

Anyway I get back from honeymoon on friday to be greeted with a mail about how I spent no time with them

I'd lose it with them! No time? A bride isn't there to entertain friends, they should be honored to be invited. If they had no interest in being there they should have stayed at home
At least cut contact with them for a while and let them approach you, not you approaching them

Your function, you organized it so your rules.
I'm getting angry just reading what was done to you :mad:

LegacyUser

Congrats on the wedding, I hope everything else went well for you both.

Your so-called friends are being vey selfish. How could they possibly expect you to leave your own wedding reception, which you probably paid good money for, to go and drink with them in a bar? I'd respond by telling them how far out of order they are and let them know you await their apology.

Elba101

O my god, that's so horrible. I hope they didn't completly ruin your day. They don't sound like friends. You have a right to be angry and more than a right to let them know how you feel.

Have they ever done anything like this to you before? Sounds like something a jealous person would do to purposly ruin your day.

LoanShark

Was the first time that all attended a wedding??
Didn't they know that its YOUR day??

Here is an idea, instead of sending thank you cards, send them all a tub of vasaline with a note and tell them to "Go F##k themselves!"

That is brutal to think that you were being inconsiderate in not spending time with them..I'm getting married next year and I would be horrifed to think that my friends would do to us on our day..
All the weddings I've been at, I may not have danced but at least I was in the room and made a point of seeing the first dance, and always taking loads of photos to give the couple when they come home..

wing52

Seriously,are they all 17 years old or what?

I've never seen that done at any wedding i've been to:eek:

Maybe its time to concentrate on youre coupled freinds for a while, no?

Toots

OP, I think if I was in your position I'd be totally losing the rag right now!! No offence, but your friends sound like a bunch of muppets. Try to resist the urge to send them a reply saying 'F*** off!', but rather something to the effect of "yes, I'd have been more than happy to spend time with you on the evening, however seeing as you fecked off to the pub for the night, I could only assume that my, and my other guests' company wasn't good enough for you, and decided to leave you to it."

Unless you get a grovelling apology in response, I'd be slow to get back in touch with them.

LegacyUser

OP here and to be honest i'm glad people are on my side here. I thought the whole it's my day crap had somehow taken over and a hint of bridezilla had turned up. I'll be having a couple of heated discussions in the coming days me thinks. I was so mad on the day with them leaving me high and dry like that but that would be almost pleasant to how I feel now.

bSlick

Sounds like they the haven't first clue about what a wedding entails. If you are invited to a wedding and accept you don't leave the reception to go drinking in some other bar in the hotel. And if you do do something that stupid, you don't go sending the bride an email complaining that she didn't come out to you. What a bunch of f*cking idiots, you are the one who should be angry at them for p*ssing off out of the wedding reception after the dinner.

Soul Stretcher

OP... what your "friends" did on your wedding day was at best disrespectful. The email was, in my mind, maliciously put together to cause you pain.

I'd like to think I would:

1. Tell them in a confident and cool manner that I was disgusted at the way they spent the night in the bar instead of at your reception.
2. Not lose my temper (They would surely enjoy that and get great "mileage" out of it.
3. Never say hello to any of them who didn't apologise.

Good Luck ! and Congratulations !

Pretty_Pistol

Your friends seem really childish and spiteful. You weren't paying them enough attention on YOUR wedding day so they went and sulked at the hotel pub. That's way out of line.

Really if a friend is like that on your wedding day you really don't need them in your life.

Nuttzz

sounds to me like the bridal party didnt do a good job on rounding them up, I can think of a number of weddings that I have attended that, as a group, we went to the bar while the rooms was cleared and the grooms men & brides maids went around getting people back into the room before the first dance

LegacyUser

OP this must have been awful for you!

I have to say on my wedding day certain relatives left the room also and went to the hallway outside and my OH had to go and get them!
I was at another wedding where the bride and groom left the room after the first dance and never came back! None of the family came around to any of the guests and we were like plonkers sitting there. Eventually we decided to leave only to discover them all having their own private get together in the foyer of the hotel!! (sitting down drinks the whole lot!)

What ages are your friends? They should have known better but the bridal party should have stepped in to remind them too!

Taltos

I am a bit of a different view to everyone else.

To me the wedding day should be above all else - fun - primarily for the bride and groom.

If you or the guests end up worrying so much about not being "entertained" or checked on then it is not fun.

I have been to weddings where I stuck around like an idiot until the end - not much fun.
I have also been to others - where I stayed until at least the first dance was out of the way - grand.
Others where due to work conflicts I had to come in just after the meal and being wrecked for long hours only able to stay for a drink or two - but good fun none the less.

My suggestion is - worry less about how the others are feeling.
Ask yourself - did you have a good day - are you glad you got married?
Don't show your friends that their disappearing acts upset you - really it shouldn't have - the wedding day is meant to you your and your OHs day - not the day to entertain everyone you know.
If they raise it with you again about not being involved - just reply "it's a shame you feel I had to entertain you on my wedding day. Its also a shame you couldn't wait for the dances afterwards as I would have been free then to come and spend time with my friends - which is what I did with those friends that stayed to enjoy the fun."

Sorry for the long post.
This is also why I got married abroad with no guests - most stress-free day of my life - and the happiest wedding of the many I have been to.

ash23

OP, did they come back in afterwards or did they spend the night in the bar?

I ask as I was at a wedding recently and we went to the bar for one while the band were setting up, tables were cleared etc.
Then the bridesmaids went around getting everyone back into the room.

A few of the brides friends stayed in the bar, missed the first dance etc as they didn't realise everyone else had left.

If they came back in after a bit I can understand why. It happens. If they stayed out for the whole afters of the wedding then they are rude.

Miaireland

I must confess I left the room after my friends wedding meal recently. However the only reason I left was because I was with someone who was recovering from cancer and they found the room too hot.

I had already told the Bride long before the Wedding that if we disappeared this would be why. Other than that I would never leave before the first dance.

SarahSassy

On other side, they may not like weddings and probably shouldnt have gone but didnt feel they could say no. I hate all the auld 'first dance', throwing the bouquet mullarkey and just because you are in to it doesnt mean everyone wants to watch it. I find it cringy.

In saying that, if you asked them to be there before then they should have been but the problem was that the bridal party didnt round them up.

ellie1

Firstly, your friends turned up for your wedding so clearly they wanted to be there for your day.

Secondly, you married the man your going to spend the rest of your life with so why would you be so bothered whether your friends seen you dancing with him.

Thirdly, if it meant so much to you to see you dancing with your husband who they just seen you marry, you should have made it clear to your bridesmaids etc as not everybody is aware of how important this is for some people.

and finally are weddings are not but should be about two people celebrating their love and committment to each other.

You should let this go. Your friends obviously got carried away at the bar or didnt realise that or persumed you would be so caught up in your husband that it wouldnt be an issue.

LegacyUser

wing52 wrote: »

Maybe its time to concentrate on youre coupled freinds for a while, no?

Why are you assuming that her selfish friends are single?

fatmammycat

OP, that is really poor form on their behalf. I was bridesmaid for my friend recently and we all made sure we dragged people up to dance and if there was a lag at all in the festivities we danced around like eggits ourselves. We would also have run everyone from the main bar to the reception on a regular basis. The atmosphere was very important for my friend and it was a hoot of a reception, but as her friends we made sure it ran smoothly. Horrible carry on. I would be having words if I was you too.

princess-lala

Firstly congrats op,

Ive never heard of anything like this happening, my brother got married in August and his wife knew very few of my family, nobody left the room at all only to go smoking.

If you have friends like this who needs enemies :eek:

LegacyUser

I was best man at my bro's wedding and nearly missed the first dance. Well, it had started while I was at the bar chatting to people. I didn't know that the first dance had started.

Weddings are also a time to catch up with friends - there are loads of people you haven't seen in ages. And, people have just sat in a church, then sat down for a meal, then listened to the speeches - it's nice to take a bit of a break from the wedding (that's what I find anyway)

I always say hello to the bride and groom and presume that they'll be busy with relations and just getting on with things, as well as being a bit stressed - I leave them to it.

Weddings are odd events... it's not like you can just have a normal chat to the couple on the day of their wedding - "so how's work?" "did you go to the game on Sunday?" "Did you watch the Apprentice on Monday?"....

There's a whole lot of protocol which some people assume everyone else knows - like that you have to be there for the first dance. No-one told me at my bro's wedding.

It's a massive day in your life but it's just another party for most of the other people there.

LegacyUser

Just to clarify, the people in question are not single for the most part. Both my husband and went around the bar lobby straight after we came down from our room and asked all to come join us. Many decided to stay put but it was my friends who I'd asked to support me that have upset me. My matron of honour did the best she could but you can't force people to join in. I thank you all for your input but I have since chatted with the email authors and told them that I wasn't all that impressed with the mail and the reason why. I'll have to let go ofthe fact that they preferred the bar to our reception. I still think that the mail was uncalled for and that's what I have given out about

Miaireland

Sorry should have added on my post that the email they sent was totally out of order and well done to you for replying the way you did.

By the way congrats to you and your new Husband.

InReality

Nuttzz wrote: »

sounds to me like the bridal party didnt do a good job on rounding them up, I can think of a number of weddings that I have attended that, as a group, we went to the bar while the rooms was cleared and the grooms men & brides maids went around getting people back into the room before the first dance

Yeah this is defo a job that someone has to take on in irish weddings. Otherwise no-one would go to the first dance and would stay in the bar.
Esp if the first dance is a bit late and people are locked.
People always take a lot of persuding to move , at least at the weddings i've been at.

I'd explain to your mates why your pissed off and see then if you want to stay in contact or not.

HermitHorace

Usually if such a scenario happens, one of the bridal party will round up folks from the bar (as mentioned already).

Otherwise I suggest getting some friends over the age of 21.

Ann22

Hi Op, imo the email was clearly sent as they knew they were in the wrong. They were feeling guilty and to cover their embarrassment, were trying to twist things to convince you that you were the one who deserted them.
I remember a pal of mine was trying to decide where to book for her wedding and she mentioned a place she wouldn't like, stating that in that particular place the guests were inclined to sit in the bar all day and night.
Some people when they get comfortable they don't want to move..however when the best man/groomsman/bridesmaid let everyone know the bride and groom are having the first dance, real friends will get up.

Reesy

Soul Stretcher wrote: »

OP... what your "friends" did on your wedding day was at best disrespectful. The email was, in my mind, maliciously put together to cause you pain.

I'd like to think I would:

1. Tell them in a confident and cool manner that I was disgusted at the way they spent the night in the bar instead of at your reception.
2. Not lose my temper (They would surely enjoy that and get great "mileage" out of it.
3. Never say hello to any of them who didn't apologise.

Good Luck ! and Congratulations !

+1. Couldn't put it better. Good luck.

Peggypeg

Hey OP, I'd send those friends a link to this thread if I were you.

seahorse

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP, I'd send those friends a link to this thread if I were you.

My God, what a shower of selfish pricks! If they refuse to see they did anything wrong I'd be taking the advice above!

RossFixxxed

I know easier said than done, but don't expend too much time or stress on them. They are totally in the wrong here, and a wedding is stressful, hectic and insane enough as it is. Let them wait.

I'd send the shortest reply possible. 'It was MY wedding day. I was shocked you didn't want to see me and help out.' Bam. Short and not nasty, maybe better than something off the top of my head.

The point is don't pander to that sort of thing at all, really, let them throw all their toys out of the pram and just leave them stew. It's not on, and they sound like they'll just take more advantage in the future.

I can understand now why some people don't allow kids at weddings.

Sanjuro

Every wedding I've been to, we've bent to the will of the married couple. Not the other way round. The last wedding I was at was two friends' and it was in the US. It would have been way easier if it had been here, but we all made the effort to make the day special for them. Your friends sound like jerks. Sorry if that's not nice to hear, but that's what they seem like.

LegacyUser

I used to work behind the bar in a Wicklow hotel where we did a lot of weddings... The usual format was to have the dinner, then get everyone into the bar while the room was changed over for the dancing etc. There was at least one time when we had to close the bar to persuade the guests to leave and go back for the dancing the bridesmaids and groomsmen were pleading with the guests to go back inside, bride in tears... very messy, ignorant behaviour. The problem there was they had started early and more or less everyone was very drunk already...

Either way, very rude and thoughtless behaviour.