End of the Road?

LegacyUser

Hi going unreg for this one. Been with my GF for over 2 years now and tbh I dont think I can stay with her for much longer.
Both of us were single for a long time before we met and we fell for eachother quiet quickly.
After a year we got engaged and are hoping to get married next year. Things are not good at the moment though. The honeymoon period is well and truly over. The wedding we have planned is gonna cost around 15 to 20 grand or so including everything but we are renting and wont be able to afford a house for a couple of years. I have a pretty secure job but my GFs could go at the drop of a hat. We decided should she lose her job the wedding would be postponed. Now before everyone starts saying why spend so much on one day its what she wants,( I want to have a much smaller affair but I understand its all about her)
About 8 months I started to have been crush on a co worker nothing happened nor would it, even though my track record during my younger days with monogamy wasnt great.
I have been finding things that my GF does now really irriate me. She has to talk about subjects she really doesnt have an interest in or understands although I know its what I do. I have tried to talk to her about this but she continues on doing it.
Our sex life to has become affected. Its become stale and the only time we seem to have any sort of sex is when we go away for a weekend. Ever since we started having sex she has stated that she wont ever do oral and certain positions are a no-no. I have a rather high sex drive while she doesnt want it as much. We work on different work shifts so dont get much time together.
I know if I was to end our relationship now it would be soul destroying to us both. She has had a hard life and not a good history of boyfriends. I dont want to break her heart but understand that continuing to live my life as lie is going to cause great suffering to us both.
I am afraid what would happen should we breakup as she suffered depression before.
I know she sees me acting different at the moment and is asking me whats wrong but I just cant bring myself to tell her.
Advice from anyone who went through or is going through same would be appreciated.
Thanks

mood

Do you still love her?

If you do why not try couple counceling.

If not you can't marry her.

LegacyUser

Do i still love her? yes but am i still IN love with her I dont know

DubLass

Postpone the wedding regardless, maybe without the stress of that you can both concentrate on the relationship and see if its what you both really want.

shellyboo

Don't marry her if you're not sure. That would be a huge mistake. Figure out what your issues are and try to overcome them.

berger28

marrying her would definately end up destroying both of you. You need to talk to her, tell her how your feeling. if you cant do that what chance does a marriage have. Ive seen it happen a few times where people got married and it ended within the first 6 months. I know a girl who called off her engagement for the same reason and while she got stick for it from some, i can tell ya she has my respect! Its a hard thing to do, but a divorce is alot worse, and im sure more expensive!!

magneticimpulse

yeah go with your heart. you dont have to get married and dont do it if you not fully happy. marriage is meant to be for 40 years or so. youve been together only a fraction of that time. however the grass is not always greener on the other side. you might find this other girl attractive, but im sure she has annoying habits too. everyone has habits, you have to comprimise on that one. nobody comes perfect. try different things to spice up your sex life. roll play, costumes, massage oils etc. it shouldnt be boring.

as for her being upset. she is not made of glass. if she suspects something is up, this will eat away at her and make her upset. however if you are honest and upfront, you might see she is upset initially, but believe me its better then living a lie and letting her feel bad because things are not going great. so its not something to worry about now, as if you do decide for the worse sernario of breaking up, she will deal with it etc.

SarahSassy

You are appearing to throw the towel in Very easily and as such are definitely not ready to marry anyone. Stop treating your fiancée badly and talk to her

How Strange

solutionneeded wrote: »

Do i still love her? yes but am i still IN love with her I dont know

ah for god's sake, what does that mean? Honestly, OP what do you expect - do you think it's 24/7 bonking and fun and butterflies for ever?

Call off the wedding for a start. IMO, you jumped into engagement without thinking about it and you're jumping out of it just as quickly.

I think you're bored with the mundanity of the relationship, you've seen a coworker you're interested in and now you're looking for any excuse at all to prove you don't love your gf and you shouldn't marry her.

That's a good reason to postpone the wedding.