Don't want to fancy her!

ThatGuyAgain

I have a bit of a dilemma here. I fancy the pants off a good friend of mine but I don't think she is interested. We've known each other a few years. It's a long and complicated history I have with her that I just don't have the time or space to write down!

To make a long story short, she sent many signals she was interested in me a few months back but I was really too scared to make a move. We've had one or two falling-outs since but like always we eventually get back on to good terms. We were out again last night with friends (we're in the same club) and I had arranged to stay in hers since she was driving. I was hoping to get closer to her but for the whole night she was all over another guy

We were up dancing for a bit but whenever I caught her eye she looked away. Throughout the night I got the impression she just wasn't interested in me anymore. Fair enough but she always gives mixed signals. She is chatty with everyone and a bit of a flirt, so it's hard to tell who she fancys.

The point of this thread is, we work closely in the same club 2-3 times a week so I see her a lot. I don't want to like her, but I do. I am wildly attracted to her. Since, at least since last night, she does not seem to be interested in me anymore, this is causing me a lot of grief. I felt awful last night. The same today. I can list off many things I don't like about her, things that cause us friction often, and others, but I can't stop the feeling that I am absolutely attracted to her. I want to be near her. I want to rip her clothes off

I don't want these feelings. What can I do to stop them? Can anyone advise how to deal with having a strong attraction to someone who doesn't seem to like you that way (but you know who once did!). The club we are in is a massive part of my life so quitting that or taking a break is out of the question. We are both heavily involved.

DubLass

Oh dear, why didnt you just go for it last night when you had the chance? If she rejects your advances and if you are good friends like you say, surely you can both just laugh it off and resume the relationship? Dont know what you do after that but thats my tuppence worth, me thinks she might like you and the whole thing with the other guy last night might have been to make you jealous.

magneticimpulse

have you been single the whole time or were you dating someone else in the meantime? ie you said you know her some years. she seemed attracted, but did you have a girlfriend?

ThatGuyAgain

Single the whole time. Both of us. Due to me being a bit quiet I've never actually had a girlfriend yet and she knows this.

LegacyUser

i was in a similar position a while ago with a good friend of mine, had the same feelings you are describing, didnt want to like her but couldnt help it. i went for it and bang!!! nothing, said she didnt feel the same etc, lost contact and now we hardly ever talk. went from being really close friends, she told me stuff she wouldnt tell her girl friends, to not talking anymore, maybe a happy birthday or happy christmas and thats it. so i wouldnt do anything, try find someone else and hopefully a new girl will take your mind off her

Moomoo1

badmove wrote: »

i was in a similar position a while ago with a good friend of mine, had the same feelings you are describing, didnt want to like her but couldnt help it. i went for it and bang!!! nothing, said she didnt feel the same etc, lost contact and now we hardly ever talk. went from being really close friends, she told me stuff she wouldnt tell her girl friends, to not talking anymore, maybe a happy birthday or happy christmas and thats it. so i wouldnt do anything, try find someone else and hopefully a new girl will take your mind off her

I think she'll sense that he has feelings for her whether he 'goes for it' or not. Women are good at that.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think she'll sense that he has feelings for her whether he 'goes for it' or not. Women are good at that.

Your insightfulness intrigues me. Do you think women continue to use this knowledge even they wont or cant follow up on it

ThatGuyAgain

Any more advice? I'm trying hard not to think about her but it's hard.

LegacyUser

I reckon go for it...

Worst case scenario she says no, things are awkward for a while but wont always be and you will find it easier to move on...nothing worse than wondering 'what if I had made a move?'

rallye

Let me start by saying i dont reccomend getting with "friends", if it doesnt work out then not only will you be loosing a partner but chances are you will also loose a friend.

Simple answer to your problem, find someone new!!

Okay you might not think thats such a simple thing to do right now but you have way more opportunities to do this than the average bloke.

You say you are heavily involved in a club, im guessing your not a barman but more of a promoter/manager?? I used to do club promotion and it was ridicously easy to meet women because of it!

The way you are goin a the mo will result in you never getting with this girl, she knows you like her, she knows you aint meeting other women, your basically the guy she can go to to talk about her problems with other guys...

You need to give her something that she wants and the best way to do this is by being with other women. They will take your mind of her and more importantly build your confidence.