Newly single and very few friends

purple17

Hi all,
Just feel really down 2nite as im sitting in on my own on a sat nite n feel bit pathetic cos of it. Im 31 n me n bf broke up over a month ago. We're not gettin back 2gether so dats not de issue. Its just now im single for 1st time since i was 17 and i just dont know what 2 do wit myself. All my family n friends are coupled up and it's now im realising ive got no one really.
I know everyone will say de usual tings like get out there, join a club or group etc. But i know im hardly gonna make lifelong friends there n i dont wanna come across as desperate or stalker constantly asking ppl if they wanna meet up. Anytime i do i get mostly tings like ive a friends b'day to go to or they're doin sumthin wit their partner. Ive got a few friends in work but no friends at all at home where i live except for a few family.
How de hell do i make new friends for socialising with? Ive contacted old friends on facebook but theyr'e all busy wit their own lives n havent heard much back.
How de hell do i make new friends to socialise wit. I hate sitting in on my own at weekends cos it makes me feel very depressed n lonely

LegacyUser

dont be sad... think of the positives ... get to watch xfactor in peace... tis brilliant tonight...and i know its easy to say .. but things will get better... its only been a month since ye broke up... and everyone is always out at christmas so you'll get chating to people over christmas and slowly build up a crew to head out with...

VStrom

Hi Purple, Know how you feel, newly single myself. Im firstly trying to feel positive about the future, and meeting other people is not yet on my horizon. Life is lonely but there are positive things out there for us all,

Lucy Lu

Can we all please remember text speak is not welcomed here.

Lucy

purple17

thanks guys i guess it takes getting used to and like everyone says it gets easier n u feel better over time. im really not dat bothered about goin out at de moment i just feel like any friends r family i have r being very selfish n dont understand cos they never make any effort at all 2 even text me r meet up.

mood

purple17 wrote: »

thanks guys i guess it takes getting used to and like everyone says it gets easier n u feel better over time. im really not dat bothered about goin out at de moment i just feel like any friends r family i have r being very selfish n dont understand cos they never make any effort at all 2 even text me r meet up.

Maybe this is because you had not time for them while you were coupled up. I have been at the receiving end of this a few times - friends suddenly being too busy to go out, call over, phone or even text as soon as a man is on the scene. Then they expect things to go back to normal when they are dumped! It is very selfish IMO. I have always made time for friends when in a relationship and can't understand how others can't.

It sounds like you burnt your bridges with your old friends so making new ones seems like your only option.

purple17

I havent actually burnt my bridges with my current friends, the problem was and is that they're all coupled up n only time they made effort to meet up was a couply thing like a meal. That was fine when i had a bf but i dont now. I dont have many friends at all n i always did make effort to arrange to meet up wit the few i have.
Its all very well for people who have plenty of friends to say - go out n make new ones but how do u do dat? Like really if a stranger tried to start a conversation wit u in gym or a exercise class it would just be chit chat n u'd b on ur way. Just cant imagine asking someone you've spoken to a few times at the gym if they wanted to meet for a coffee or drink!!

mood

purple17 wrote: »

I havent actually burnt my bridges with my current friends, the problem was and is that they're all coupled up n only time they made effort to meet up was a couply thing like a meal. That was fine when i had a bf but i dont now. I dont have many friends at all n i always did make effort to arrange to meet up wit the few i have.
Its all very well for people who have plenty of friends to say - go out n make new ones but how do u do dat? Like really if a stranger tried to start a conversation wit u in gym or a exercise class it would just be chit chat n u'd b on ur way. Just cant imagine asking someone you've spoken to a few times at the gym if they wanted to meet for a coffee or drink!!

Ok. That's a little different. But that whole 'couples night out' type of thing is stupid. Why only socialise with other couples? I really don't get it! Have they had one of these nights out since the breakup and not invited you? Maybe suggest a girls night out as they might not feel right inviting you out and not you ex!

It is hard to make friends once you leave school and college. The only real friends I have made since then have been with people I worked with. Sorry I can't make any suggestions.

But one friend of mine has made friends with a guy she meet on a site (Maybefriends I think). It seems some of these sites are not just for dating!

Birdsong

Friendships don't happen overnight, you get to know people, and the fact that you are becoming friends kind of happen in the backround.

The best friends I have are people I have something in common with. Five years ago I joined a sports club, and through that got to know different people, and now some are my very best friend, who I meet up & chat with outside of the club. Clubs have xmas partys and different social nights too which will expand the circle of people you know. Its the same with a voleenteer organisation I am with.

You have to make a bit of effort too, it's not all about people coming to you, could be chatting with somebody about a film & simlpley suggest going together.

You say your friends that you did couple things with are gone, why? You could invite the couple over to yours for a meal or drinks at your place, just because you &your ex broke doesn't mean you can't be friends with others in the gang.

LegacyUser

Hi Purple,
I am in exactly the same situation as you only that I am a guy and 48. I find it very hard to actually go anywhere on my own as I was so used to going as a couple and I feel so out of place. Even joining a gym or club is going to initially be awkward.
Heres hopin` we both meet someone soon...

santana75

purple17 wrote: »

I havent actually burnt my bridges with my current friends, the problem was and is that they're all coupled up n only time they made effort to meet up was a couply thing like a meal. That was fine when i had a bf but i dont now. I dont have many friends at all n i always did make effort to arrange to meet up wit the few i have.
Its all very well for people who have plenty of friends to say - go out n make new ones but how do u do dat? Like really if a stranger tried to start a conversation wit u in gym or a exercise class it would just be chit chat n u'd b on ur way. Just cant imagine asking someone you've spoken to a few times at the gym if they wanted to meet for a coffee or drink!!

You hit the nail on the head there I think. It is really hard to make new friends as a lot of folks are already sorted in the that department.
The only advice I can give you OP is just to carry on living your life. Just because you havent got a boyfriend or friends to hang out on a saturday night it doesnt mean you have to sit in and get depressed. You'll just have to be a bit brave thats all and not care about what others think. For example if you wanted to go see a movie and theres nobody around to go with, go by yourself. Like I said dont stop living your life just because your on your own.

Stovepipe

Hi there,
I was dumped, once upon a time by a girl I was mad about and was devastated. I was shattered, as if my entire life had crumbled to bits.Literally, I plunged. On the very worst day, I sat in my bedsit with a knife in my hand, held over my wrist.Too scared to do it, too scared to get out of my hole. felt like absolute ****.walked the streets every night, day after day. Really, really low.hardest time of my life.......On days off work, I'd stay in bed for ages, scarcely wash or shave and looked like a wreck.I ate crap food, had the skin of a wino and drank far too much.I was in the military at the time and had to be clean-shaven in work and keep my hair short and keep my appearance clean and it felt so hard to do even this.I was absolutely miserable at work and couldn't concentrate.Eventually, one of my workmates took me aside and we had a chat, which basically involved me crying my eyes out(very embarrassing for a military man) and gobbing off and having a good rant. I went home, cleaned my self up and went out that evening for the first time in six months, having picked a gig in Whelans' out of the newspaper. I felt like a tool being on my own but, slowly, I repaired my self confidence and returned to normality and humanity.Met a good woman, was with her for two and a half years.It ended but paved the way to a good future for me.

There's a good future ahead for you but you have to start yourself.Use your family to support you and things will pick up.You do have friends and maybe, a little bit of honesty with them will help.

regards

Stovepipe

eggshells

meetup.com.....is a website i recently discovered. I joined and it seems like lots of people use this website to arrange events etc with like minded people. It could serve as an excellent way to meet new people, broaden your circle of friends etc. I must admit I have no experience of attending events etc so i cant comment on this but perhaps its worth checking out.

james.xix

purple17 wrote: »

Hi all,
Just feel really down 2nite as im sitting in on my own on a sat nite n feel bit pathetic cos of it. Im 31 n me n bf broke up over a month ago. We're not gettin back 2gether so dats not de issue. Its just now im single for 1st time since i was 17 and i just dont know what 2 do wit myself. All my family n friends are coupled up and it's now im realising ive got no one really.
I know everyone will say de usual tings like get out there, join a club or group etc. But i know im hardly gonna make lifelong friends there n i dont wanna come across as desperate or stalker constantly asking ppl if they wanna meet up. Anytime i do i get mostly tings like ive a friends b'day to go to or they're doin sumthin wit their partner. Ive got a few friends in work but no friends at all at home where i live except for a few family.
How de hell do i make new friends for socialising with? Ive contacted old friends on facebook but theyr'e all busy wit their own lives n havent heard much back.
How de hell do i make new friends to socialise wit. I hate sitting in on my own at weekends cos it makes me feel very depressed n lonely

You have to hang in there.

I've been in a similarish position as well. You have to be patient and confident things will turn around.

You don't have to exactly join clubs but it would be good to get out and used to meeting new poeple.

If there's somehting in your area you want to do, you should look at getting into that.

Life can be funny, if your out there doing something, you increase the chance someone or something will come up that will get you up and going and into a new social scene.