can anyone help me to be a more socible person????? PLEASE

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I have this awful debilitating problem in my life, basically im no good with people and am feeling really self concious and down about it. I suppose in a way its been the story of my life but has really become an issue for me in the past 2 or so years since i left school and my comfort zone.

For me its just impossible to assert myself and have any sort of a meaning full conversation with people, even my family and close friends, i just kind of give yes no answers and as little information as possible. Women really make me anxious as i have attended all boys schools all my life and have one sister who is quite older than me and dont have much interaction with her. Im 21 and still a virgin and put this down to my shyness solely, im in college with plenty of good looking women coming onto me in clubs and partys etc, but i just do not have a clue of what to do or say to these girls.

I dont want to focus on the past too much as il only get depressed thinking about it and to be honest theres no future in the past!! I just really want to become a more talkative person and able to relax in social situations. By no means do i want to be an arrogant loud mouth self centered person as i detest these kind of people to be honest.

Im just looking for advice or help from anyone who may have been or is in a situation like mine. Im sick of being deemed as the quite shy type which i have been so many times throughout my life. Im a great believer in the theory that people can change there ways and if you dont change things will just stay the same. Does anyone know if there are any courses, books or people out there who specialise in social skills training eg conversational skills and body llanguage, eye contact etc.....

Thanks to all who read this tread and i look forward to hearing from ye!

midlandsmissus

More people feel this way than you realise.

The best tip I can give you is ACT confident, pretend you are confident, try it. Once you get a feel for what being confident is, you won't have to act anymore, and it will come naturally to you.

Lana80

I agree with you that people can change but I believe this can be done when you become aware of why a certain behaviour may have originated,and for what reason.I think it's necessary to look at the past if you are ready to.
By not looking at the past it's like papering over cracks in a wall without properly assessing the damage and treating it.The problem is still there.
For some reason you needed to be quiet and reserved,perhaps(and correct me if I'm wrong you had an overbearing loudmouth parent who you felt under threat from and you became more introverted as a result).What I'm saying is,that this behaviour had a purpose at the time because for whatever reason you did not feel safe to speak your mind.I suggest that you do speak to someone a professional or friend that you trust.To find a space where you speak openly and freely about whatever you choose to get to the root of these traits that you wish to change.
I wish you all the best

Taltos

As well as the advice above - get out there and try new things - take up a new activity / sport - preferably something a little unusual...

> meet new people
> learn new skills
> gain confidence
> have something to talk about

Remember to be more sociable you do not have to be really really assertive.
Sometimes it just helps to be happy in who you are... Happiness speaks volumes and leaks out into everything else you do.

LegacyUser

i realise i need to do all these things like gain confidence, learn new skills etc, but i dont really know how to go about it.

mood

Maybe you college would have a club ie rowing / spanish. You would meet more people and have something to talk about to them. Other conversation would follow.

mikemac

College is a great place for you to improve here

I couldn't do public speaking, was forced to do it and now love it. That was my issue anyway but it may help you

Or go straight in at the deep end and join a political party in college
When they send you out dropping leaflets and knocking on doors in scary flat complexes on your own at night with gangs of youths watching you, you'll get confident quickly.
Yep, I was scared doing it at first
And you need an answer to every question on the spot, might be useful anyway

jonesyr

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259505268&sr=8-1

very old book, but still very good.

Taltos

OK - in terms of where to start.

here are 3 activities just off the bat.
Just book yourself into a beginners session on one of them or if they do not have this facility on their site - just contact them about when a beginner might be able to go out with them...

Sometimes the hardest thing is just taking the first step.
Personally I did the sea kayaking - absolutely loved it - huge range of people and everyone is really friendly.
As you are new to the group break out of your shell - smile - as much as you can and as sincerely as you can - and just chat - even if it means going up to a stranger on the course - and just asking "wow this is great - how are you getting on?"

Small steps Just don't give up... Weather might not be best right now - but make that booking and give yourself something to look forward to.


Sea Kayaking
www.deepblueseakayaking.com
www.shearwaterseakayaking.ie

Mountainbiking
www.madmtb.com

Mountain running
www.imra.ie