I know it's silly

LegacyUser

The story is ended but I want to learn from it, so please comment.

A guy liked me a lot on the first day and then by some reasons we went to his house. He tried to get closed physically to me which I felt uncomfortable. I told him clearly and he respected. I quite liked him as he said a lot of sweet things. He drove me back to my place, out of innocence, I invited him to the house for a coffee. I liked him and I wanted to chat with him more. That's it. Because of my innocence, I did not know that it's a hint for a guy. But anyway, we ended up in bed. We did not have (as he said) 'full sex' because he said he respected me not wanting that. And he stopped when he knew I had a lot of hesitations. I told him honestly that I was not over my ex yet, though I did quite like him.

He called me the other day. He called every time he said he would call me. I appreciated that very much. But then he would cancel the arranged meeting of us: have to help friends, tired after work, his phone got stolen(!!). Basically, I did not think he liked me that much as he said because he cancelled the meetings often. I always wondered whether he was a jerk and just wanted sex. I could not trust him. I txted him once telling him to leave it because I could not trust him (after he told me he lost his phone so could not contact me on the day we were supposed to meet). But then he called me explaining to me that he really lost his phone and he thought it's not fair to him if I cancelled all the things off.

The second time we met, we ended up in his bed again, not 'full sex'. I should admit I enjoyed the intimacy with someone, yet I am a serious person indeed and had never been this 'casual' before. I was very puzzled. And he said he liked me a lot and that he was not just into sex and if he wanted, he could go to pubs to get a girl. He told me he was a man and he would like to be physical with someone he liked very much.

Meanwhile, my ex that hadnt contacted for months came and saw me as he was very down, he had no one to turn to. I did not tell this guy I met my ex. at first as I was not clear. I still had some feelings towards my ex. and also I did not see this guy as my bf, though we messed up. Ended up I felt very disappointed abt my ex. and I made the decision to give myself a go with this guy.

I told him about the meeting with my ex. and my disappointment towards my ex. We met the third time, I really just wanted to have a chat with him. Start over again. But he insisted to 'sleep' again. I told him that the last two times were mistakes and I did not want to make things that quick. But he did not understand why I wanted to 'go backward'. He drove me to his house again and I did not want to get off the car as I knew once I got into his house, I would make the same mistake again and I did not want to. He tried to pull me out of the car, and I just thought 'that's it'. I told him I did not want to see him anymore.

I don't know whether I am lucky to get rid of these two men. Or I missed a chance to develope something with a good guy. This guy was very sweet but I always wonder his sweets words were just to used to get me to have 'full sex' with him... Am I too suspicious? And is it very difficult for a guy to 'go backward'? I know I made a mistake to sleep with him at first.

I deleted his contact once I walked out from his car and got on the bus home. Luckily. Or maybe I would contact him.

martdalto

123_4567_890 wrote: »

I don't know whether I am lucky to get rid of these two men. Or I missed a chance to develope something with a good guy. This guy was very sweet...

I dont think you missed a chance with a "good guy" or a "sweet guy", obviously I don't know exactly what went on and when but by the sounds of it, he forced you into situations you were not fully comfortable with.

You were lucky to get rid of him.
If he contacts you again, don't reply.

magneticimpulse

you only met this guy 3 times!! the 1st time he more or less talked you into bed. you might not have had "full sex" as you called it. but i dont think any nice, stable relationship starts by the guy trying to get you into bed. this sounds like a very creepy guy. you have your doubts at such an early stage, so best to do is forget about him. you made a good judgement in not taking this any further.

TBH with the stories he made up, i wouldnt be surprised if he was hiding something like a girlfriend. just forget about him. there are actually "nice" guys out there who dont need to add decorations of false nice words.

LegacyUser

tks for u guys' comments. i'm released that i did the right thing.

i do agree that he is not good enough.

but because i slept with him so i think maybe i made him bad as well.

well, my gut feelings told me that he's not a very reliable man, but i was kind of fooled by his words i supposed. and i played my part inviting him to my place for a coffee (which i did not mean anything but he told me later on that it's actually a hint for a man. i have very few experience about men anyway). i was lonely and his words were so sweet. 'full sex' was a term he used, he tried to talk me to sleep with him and said we did not really have sex because it's not full. he tempted me but i was being tempted. anyway, i wondered that it's because i made the mistake, so he did not take me anymore seriously and maybe if i did not sleep with him the first place, things would work out. stories may be different.

but i don't really feel pity about this as i don't have very strong feelings towards him. i made mistakes, i accepted that i make mistakes. i just think the story would be different if a tiny little different reaction from both of us changed. maybe he is a decent man, maybe he's honest... because in his house, he did not get me to bed. not until i invited him to my place that he turned to be 'bad'.

King of Kings

magneticimpulse wrote: »

you only met this guy 3 times!! the 1st time he more or less talked you into bed. you might not have had "full sex" as you called it. but i dont think any nice, stable relationship starts by the guy trying to get you into bed. this sounds like a very creepy guy
.

bull****. utter bull****

dsmythy

123_4567_890 wrote: »

He drove me to his house again and I did not want to get off the car as I knew once I got into his house, I would make the same mistake again and I did not want to. He tried to pull me out of the car, and I just thought 'that's it'. I told him I did not want to see him anymore.

I don't know whether I am lucky to get rid of these two men. Or I missed a chance to develope something with a good guy. This guy was very sweet but I always wonder his sweets words were just to used to get me to have 'full sex' with him... Am I too suspicious? And is it very difficult for a guy to 'go backward'? I know I made a mistake to sleep with him at first.

I deleted his contact once I walked out from his car and got on the bus home. Luckily. Or maybe I would contact him.

Doesn't look like "sweet" behaviour to me!

Moomoo1

generally I'd advise not inviting a guy in for a coffee in such a situation, since it could be easily misconstrued, and in fact would quite often lead to what it did lead to. I know you felt lonely etc etc, but you could've always arranged to meet him for a coffee the next day. Having said that, he got exactly what he deserved in th end: he had plenty of chances to 'back off', and missed them all.

LegacyUser

OK, the story is not ended...

the guy called me. he asked me how i am keeping. and he said if i need any help, he is there. it's me who apologised to him first that i left so suddenly that day . then he apologised too. he told me he just wanted to hug and kiss me. and i told him that he knows himself and he wants not just that. he admitted and he told me i should have told him i was not happy instead of just walking away.

indeed, i told him many many times i wanted to step back that day. but he did not take that and just drove me to his home after a rushed dinner.

anyway, the rub is, i quite like him. i'm afriad he is just using me, but i quite like him and he always says he likes me not just for sex. i don't know whether i should trust him. i find it's a bit hard to trust him. he asked me to call him saturday to arrange something to meet up.

do you guys think i should see him again or not?

martdalto

WHY do you "quite like him"?

You wouldn't be posting if you didn't feel there was something "wrong" about him and how he treats you andmakes you feel.

Nobody here can tell you what to do, that is up to you to decide, but I know if it were me, I would not want to be involved with someone who showed me no respect, and who pressured me into situations I was uncomfortable with, just for his own gain.

If you do contact him and meet up with him, will you be back posting that again you ended up in bed, even though, again you didn't want too?

magneticimpulse

you have to call him?? no, i think he should be chasing you not the other way around. anyway he sounds like someone who is trying to charm you and you obvisously not comfortable with him. find someone who is nice and doesnt make you want to post about what you should do.

like i said before, i dont like the sound of this guy.

martdalto

I somehow missed the bit where he told you to ring him?
This man is not a nice man. He is a bully and is bullying you. I'd guess you are exactly the kind of woman he always goes for. You are unsure of yourself. You are unsure of what you want, and you are even unsure about how you should be treated in a relationship.

He is not a nice man. He is trying to turn it around and put the blame on you for things he has done wrong. He talked you into situation you didn't want to be in, you said "No", many, many, many times, and still he got his way... and then he told you, you should have just said "No".. How many times does he need you to say "No", before he listens to you?

This is not what a relationship is about. You've only met him 3 times, and he has not shown you 1 tiny piece of respect on any of those times. He always got what he wanted in the end.

It's not a good way to start a relationship. As I said, you will be the one to make the final decision on whether you meet him again or not..

But I know if it was me.... I would never answer the phone, reply to a text or send him an email.. ever again.

There are nice guys out there who will make you feel good about yourself, because they like you, not because they want to get you into bed.

LegacyUser

I disagree with the interpretation of him asking her to ring him, she said she wanted to take it slow, didn't want to feel pressured etc. If he said for her to ring him to meet up it could be that he is trying to give her space and leave it up to her asto when she is ready to meet up.

If he had rang wanting to meet up would he not be getting slated here for being too pushy like before. Just my 2 cent, sometimes you just can't win no matter what you do....

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

If you do contact him and meet up with him, will you be back posting that again you ended up in bed, even though, again you didn't want too?

I am quite sure I won't let that happen again. I will walk away again if he does that to me once more.

martdalto

I am quite sure I won't let that happen again. I will walk away again if he does that to me once more.

But he has already done it to you... 3 times!

You have only meet this man 3 times. You have only been in his company 3 times. On all occasions you told him you didn't want to go further.. on all occasions you ended up going further than you were comfortable with. How many times does he need to be told?

If you are confident that you can meet him and make it clear that you are going to take things slowly and not going to end up in bed with him everytime you meet, then by all means go ahead and give it a try. Things may well work out for the best.

My guess on what will actually happen.. if you do manage to not go to bed with him, he won't call you again. He wants one thing. He will stick around with you for as long as he's getting it. Once he's not getting it... he will have no use for you anymore. And will move on to the next girl.

LegacyUser

as i said before, i played my part to invite him to my place which lead to ending up in bed. i felt i was also responsible for him wanting to sleep with him later on every time we met.

i know what i don't want, i don't want the relationship to just build on sex. but i made mistakes like everyone else. he may not take it seriously before as i made the mistake to let him sleep with me.

as i walked away, it's a very clear signal to him that i don't want that. but of course, maybe he still doesn't take the signal seriously and hoping i would sleep with him next time we meet. who knows?!

anyway, that's why, maybe i should give us one more chance?

by saying this, i did not mean that i am going to give him a ring to arrange something tomorrow. i have not made the decision yet.

again, i am quite clear i would not let the mistake happen again. and if he goes because of not getting sex, he goes, i dont really care a guy goes if he just wants sex. but just wonder whether i should give myself and him one more chance.

but, even i am going to meet him, i will be very very cautious.

i particularly want some advice and comments from a guy's perspective. is it difficult for you guys to go backward? and how would you see a girl that sleeps with you on the first day you met her? would you feel less attracted by her and just only thinking of sex every time you see her????

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

On all occasions you told him you didn't want to go further.. on all occasions you ended up going further than you were comfortable with. How many times does he need to be told?

Um, no, the third time i left before i got into his house.

i did not go into his house and i did not sleep with him the third time we met.

he called me a week later after that day i left suddenly.

i wish he took my walkaway seriously.

LegacyUser

Martdalto, indeed, tks for ur advice.

i like to hear different advices to give me different points of view, so i won't be blinded by my own perspectives.

i know what you mean, i also think there might be that possibility.

LegacyUser

Any men can give me an advice?

magneticimpulse

guys perspective if you sleep with him on 1st date....your sl*t, easy, you always put out on the 1st date with every man and just out for sex. you have obvisously put out many times before on 1st date and therefore its a free ticket to just use you for sex.

sounds awful, but ive had this discussion with many men and its what the majority told me. there might be 1 or 2 exceptions. really can you not just leave this man alone, are you really that needy and dependent on him? get some confidence and walk away. stop letting yourself get in bad situations and walked all over!!! this is not a sweet guy so drop him, no point to go back for more. have some respect for yourself.

YES he is just out for sex and nothing more

martdalto

unreg29 wrote: »

I disagree with the interpretation of him asking her to ring him, she said she wanted to take it slow, didn't want to feel pressured etc. If he said for her to ring him to meet up it could be that he is trying to give her space and leave it up to her asto when she is ready to meet up.

If he had rang wanting to meet up would he not be getting slated here for being too pushy like before. Just my 2 cent, sometimes you just can't win no matter what you do....

He told her to ring him on Saturday to arrange something.. that's hardly giving her space, and leaving it up to her as to when she is ready!!!

123_4567_890 wrote: »

Um, no, the third time i left before i got into his house.

i did not go into his house and i did not sleep with him the third time we met.

So the only reason you didn't sleep with him was because you weren't there! If you had gone into the house, you would have ended up in bed with him??

123_4567_890 wrote: »

i wish he took my walkaway seriously.

Why would he? He knows you don't mean anything you say.

And if you are so serious about it, why are you considering meeting him again?

I think you want to be with someone, anyone. He happens to be the one giving you some attention at the moment so you're going to make do with him. And you just want a man to come on and tell you that, yeah, he sounds like a great guy, will change his attitude and will "wait" for you.

Good Luck with that!

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

guys perspective if you sleep with him on 1st date....your sl*t, easy, you always put out on the 1st date with every man and just out for sex. you have obvisously put out many times before on 1st date and therefore its a free ticket to just use you for sex.

sounds awful, but ive had this discussion with many men and its what the majority told me. there might be 1 or 2 exceptions. really can you not just leave this man alone, are you really that needy and dependent on him? get some confidence and walk away. stop letting yourself get in bad situations and walked all over!!! this is not a sweet guy so drop him, no point to go back for more. have some respect for yourself.

YES he is just out for sex and nothing more

tks for ur advice.

LegacyUser

martdalto wrote: »

So the only reason you didn't sleep with him was because you weren't there! If you had gone into the house, you would have ended up in bed with him??

? but i didn't go into the house.

martdalto wrote: »

And if you are so serious about it, why are you considering meeting him again?

? because i naively hope that he would take my walkaway seriously and know those two times were just mistake. because he rang me again. because i made mistake first. anyway, i guess you think i am just pretending i am serious and you cannot understand people can make mistakes, because we are just human being. body goes against the mind for one time or two...

martdalto wrote: »

I think you want to be with someone, anyone. He happens to be the one giving you some attention at the moment so you're going to make do with him. And you just want a man to come on and tell you that, yeah, he sounds like a great guy, will change his attitude and will "wait" for you.

i have rejected a few guys these few months. and i rejected a guy yesterday. i am lonely and hoping for a long term relationship, but i am not what you thought or said.



anyway, i did not call him, but i txted him that i am free the afternoon for a cup of coffee and if he wanted to meet, he can call. he did not. i deleted his number and i will not answer his calls if he calls me later on.

magneticimpulse

123_4567_890 wrote: »

? but i didn't go into the house.




? because i naively hope that he would take my walkaway seriously and know those two times were just mistake. because he rang me again. because i made mistake first. anyway, i guess you think i am just pretending i am serious and you cannot understand people can make mistakes, because we are just human being. body goes against the mind for one time or two...




i have rejected a few guys these few months. and i rejected a guy yesterday. i am lonely and hoping for a long term relationship, but i am not what you thought or said.



anyway, i did not call him, but i txted him that i am free the afternoon for a cup of coffee and if he wanted to meet, he can call. he did not. i deleted his number and i will not answer his calls if he calls me later on.

hmm, the meeting up for "coffee" meant something else the last time, maybe "coffee" is something you should not suggest to guys. meeting for cinema, or something else like a proper date is better. well he showed his true colours by not replying to your text and well done on deleting all his numbers. forget him because he is not long term boyfriend material. learn from your mistakes, dont invite guys into your place for coffee. just go on dates in public places and after a while the time will be right to invite them in. good luck

martdalto

123_4567_890 wrote: »

? but i didn't go into the house.

Yes, but the point I was trying to make is, if you had gone into the house, he would not have taken no for an answer. So the only way you wouldn't end up in bed with him was to make sure you weren't in the same place as him.

It was because you walked away, not because he respected you saying "No".

That's what I was trying to say - he has no respect for you.

Anyway, it seems none of that matters now. You've done exactly the right thing. Ignore any further contact from him.

You are worth far more than him.

LegacyUser

he sounds just like a guy i am having the same issues with. any chance he is 35 and living in dublin? lol

the difference though is i realise this guy is a player and never expect anything beyond sex with him. i think you need to accept this in your situation as well. if you enjoy the sex with him then do that - knowing it is no strings and will never amount to anything.

if you are seriously looking for a relationship them move on.

don't end up like me - having sex with the same person for a number of years to the detriment of me looking for it and a relationship elsewhere (you become less open to meeting men when you're not needing sex as desperately i think lol)

LegacyUser

no, the guy is not ur guy.

i wish u all the best. tks for sharing ur experience to learn from. i will remember that. and you too, never make the same mistakes again. ;-)

i clearly know i don't want sex without love. indeed, i enjoyed the hugging and kissing, the talking in bed with him, but i did not enjoy the sex bit. i was thinking a lot and he asked me stop thinking, but i couldn't. my body was aroused but my heart was not never excited, things were a little mechanic, felt like watching another people doing that and my mind was out of my body but very clear. because i really did not know him, i did not love him, i had no desire to be 'one' with him. i was analysising. indeed, the experience was quite fun you can say, but never never never again.

i was too stupid to believe his lies... hahahhahah!