"Normal" behaviour for a straight girl?

LegacyUser

I am 19f. Been straight all my life although the last couple of years I've been thinking maybe I'm bi (definitely not lesbian as I LOVE men ) - ok so nobody on boards.ie will be able to tell me if I'm bi or not - have to figure it out for myself. That's not what this thread's about.

I've never been with a woman - never even kissed one. But lately...not to sound like I have a huge ego or anything...women have been all over me and I don't know what to think of it. It's always on drunken nights out with friends/girls I've just met. They get really touchy feely and I guess I'm the kind of happy drunk to get pretty friendly too so it's all good. But then it gets to a point where I think maybe these girls are serious and want to actually kiss me etc. Maybe a few examples will show you what I mean, and I guess what my question is - is this "normal" behaviour for straight women and I'm just reading too much into it? Or would you also get the idea that these girls are into me?

Ok so one night we were all out in a club and this girl I've known - only for a few months - was flirting with me, looking into my eyes and smiling etc. And then we were sitting down on the couches, and me being the affectionate drunk I am, had my arm around her shoulder. Then she grabs my hand and puts it on her tits!! I took my hand away of course - she's just a friend. But she did this twice - taking my hand and putting it on her boobs. Then she looks up at me and smiles and kisses me on the lips (just a friendly peck, no tongue etc.) She also was rubbing my legs at one point. Thing is - she has a boyfriend so is obviously into guys. Was this just normal drunken behaviour for a straight girl who is being friendly? I've seen her since and obviously she didn't say anything and it's been grand - hasn't really been awkward.

Another time, on another night out, I got talking to a girl just introduced to me on the night by a friend and we spent the whole night drinking together - from pub to club eventually back to her place. Ended up in her apartment, us cuddling for the whole night and talking as if we'd known each other for years. She was telling me personal stuff that she said she's never told anyone. Again - some touching going on but nothing too sexual and we never kissed. And again, she's into guys so how am I supposed to know if she's straight or bi?

On a different night out I spent a lot of time with a girl I knew but wasn't great friends with and only met 2 or 3 times before this party. But we really bonded and at the club she was dancing with me or should I say on me. And at one point when I was dancing with this guy I knew she smacked my ass. Like....just general flirty behaviour for the whole night is what I'm talking about here.

Ok, this has been a long post so I'll end it here but basically this is what's been going on for a few months now. Am i reading too much into this or should I 'go for it' next time this happens, if it's what I want? Cos don't want to go for it and then find them going "wtf?" cos they all (including myself!) think I'm straight, I presume.

Thanks for reading this and hope you can shed some light on this cos I'm so confused!!

Lana80

It sounds to me like you are transferring your confusion about sexuality onto other women.In your post you sound like you are questioning the other women's sexuality rather than your own.
To be honest I would focus on your reaction to the other women's flirtations with you.Were you comfortable with it?(seems like you did) or not.

LegacyUser

I think flirty behaviour is relatively normal. At least, it's not too strange. The hand on her boob though - that IS strange imo. But you must be quiet an open person yourself in order that these girls are so comfortable around you that they can be this way.

I had similar curiosities. A good friend of mine told me one night that she fancied me. I was taken aback and didn't know how to handle it so I pretended that it never happen. But then one night we ended up kissing and being really affectionate with each other. And it happened a second night. While her boyfriend was in the other room!

I was glad I tried it out. I was half expecting to want more physically, but in reality I didn't. But I could tell that she did. I guess any tendancies I have are just a fantasy and I'm happy to keep them that way.

I think there's alot of girls who are physically attracted to other girls. But whether you feel urges to act upon those attractions probably depends on how strongly you feel them.

LegacyUser

Lana80 wrote: »

It sounds to me like you are transferring your confusion about sexuality onto other women.In your post you sound like you are questioning the other women's sexuality rather than your own.
To be honest I would focus on your reaction to the other women's flirtations with you.Were you comfortable with it?(seems like you did) or not.

Well, I mean I am confused about my sexuality I guess but as I said, that's not the full issue here.

I'm a pretty comfortable person to be around which I guess is why girls (and guys) feel they can do this around me....That said (and you were asking about my reaction to it) when it comes to girls acting this way around me, at first it is a bit of a shock but I don't want to be rude and totally push them away so I let them get on with it. And then I find that I kind of like it so I guess I flirt back and stuff

I never have the courage to go any further though. But on all these occassions (don't want to bore you with the fine details of all of these different encounters) the girls only do so much and it's never gotton to a stage where I've kissed a girl. I'm a bit afraid to in case they're taken aback and feel like they can't be comfortable around me anymore without me 'getting the wrong idea' cos thats not the case at all. I like to hang out and hug girls without it going futher too so I don't want to ruin that.

Sorry, I don't know if I'm making sense here.

But from what I've described, would you think these girls are bi?

RandolphEsq

Lana80 wrote: »

It sounds to me like you are transferring your confusion about sexuality onto other women.In your post you sound like you are questioning the other women's sexuality rather than your own.
To be honest I would focus on your reaction to the other women's flirtations with you.Were you comfortable with it?(seems like you did) or not.

Seriously, the issue here is not about the girls who are 'all over you' but your own response to them being 'all over you'. How does it make you feel? Are they really 'all over you' in that way?Are you perhaps mistaking flirting for sexual intention? If you conclude that you are bi, is that a good or bad thing?

CDfm

OP - this sounds like you are curious. Does this happen when you are drinking and how do you feel about it when you are sober.

A friend of mine used to go off with other blokes when he was drunk. Everyone knew he was experimenting and he is now settled and straight.

Drink does release your inhibitions but it might not be the real you. So you need to ask yourself how do you feel about it sober. What would be your reaction in the morning to this girl.Maybe she just gets boisterous after a few drinks.

Now Im not trying to tell you how you should feel but I think you should be more in tune with what you do on ordinary days rather than nights out.

LegacyUser

RandolphEsq wrote: »

+1 afer I fapped to your OP.
Seriously, the issue here is not about the girls who are 'all over you' but your own response to them being 'all over you'. How does it make you feel? Are they really 'all over you' in that way?Are you perhaps mistaking flirting for sexual intention? If you conclude that you are bi, is that a good or bad thing?

Look I don't mean to sound like I have a big ego and I'm full of myself because I'm not - quite the opposite, I'm always surprised when someone - male of female gives me this sort of attention. But them being 'all over me' was the only way I could describe it.

It makes me feel good when I'm drunk being with these girls...but I can never imagine doing this stuff while sober. As for mistaking flirting with sexual intention - I could be. The thing is, while I'll admit I might be bi and attracted to these girls and I might be flirting with them, I'd never have sex with them. Like I'm attracted to them up until a certain point but I don't find.....[just gonna say it here]..pussy.. attractive - that totally turns me off.

So if it is a case that I am bi - relationships wouldn't get very far as I don't want to have sex with these girls. And if I conclude that I am bi..well it's a bad thing from a religious point of view but I'm already such a big sinner it doesn't really make a difference. It's not as simple as saying it's a good or bad thing though, to me.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

OP - this sounds like you are curious. Does this happen when you are drinking and how do you feel about it when you are sober.

A friend of mine used to go off with other blokes when he was drunk. Everyone knew he was experimenting and he is now settled and straight.

Drink does release your inhibitions but it might not be the real you. So you need to ask yourself how do you feel about it sober. What would be your reaction in the morning to this girl.Maybe she just gets boisterous after a few drinks.

Now Im not trying to tell you how you should feel but I think you should be more in tune with what you do on ordinary days rather than nights out.

Hi - yes it only happens to me when I'm drinking. But the days after it happens I always wonder what exactly the girl was looking for and sometimes wish I just went for it. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of these girls but I think that's just because I'm lonely in general and enjoyed their company.

To complicate things, there's also a guy in the equation who I hook up with every now and again and who I've known for 7 years and we've always kind of had a thing for each other but for various reasons we aren't 'going out'.

CDfm

username5839 wrote: »

Hi - yes it only happens to me when I'm drinking. But the days after it happens I always wonder what exactly the girl was looking for and sometimes wish I just went for it. I've been thinking a lot about a couple of these girls but I think that's just because I'm lonely in general and enjoyed their company.

Its one of those things in life. Sometimes situations and people seem attractive because they seem free and uninhibited and you may have been attracted to her confidence. So it maybe that you see her just being famboyant and her real life may be different.

I am not being anti gay here just saying sometimes we get attracted to a people and things because they are taboo. You need to be careful if you are emotionally vulnerable that you dont get caught up in a situation that messes you up. Some people can flit about and others cant.

To complicate things, there's also a guy in the equation who I hook up with every now and again and who I've known for 7 years and we've always kind of had a thing for each other but for various reasons we aren't 'going out'.

So do you have a thing for this guy and carry a torch for him.

It could be that you need to resolve this and talk to him. Either ask him out or find someone else.

Maybe what you are missing is the physical closeness and that this encounter gave you that and thats what you liked. That doesnt define your sexuality.

So if you cant resolve the situation with the boy you should consider yourself single.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Its one of those things in life. Sometimes situations and people seem attractive because they seem free and uninhibited and you may have been attracted to her confidence. So it maybe that you see her just being famboyant and her real life may be different.

I am not being anti gay here just saying sometimes we get attracted to a people and things because they are taboo. You need to be careful if you are emotionally vulnerable that you dont get caught up in a situation that messes you up. Some people can flit about and others cant.




So do you have a thing for this guy and carry a torch for him.

It could be that you need to resolve this and talk to him. Either ask him out or find someone else.

Maybe what you are missing is the physical closeness and that this encounter gave you that and thats what you liked. That doesnt define your sexuality.

So if you cant resolve the situation with the boy you should consider yourself single.

Well it's been on and off but we really care for each other. We're really good friends. But thing is, after this night out with one girl in particular, I find myself wanting to see her again - just to spend time with her. I feel like I could talk to her for hours and I really feel like there's a connection but I don't know if thats friendship or something more.

All of this is wrecking my head so much I can't concentrate in college

CDfm

username5839 wrote: »

Well it's been on and off but we really care for each other.

Well try to resolve it . Lots of people mess up relationships without saying exactly what they want. If this relationship leaves you lonely you should look at your needs and how it fulfills them. Like can you move forward to a new relationship or do you still go back.

I find myself wanting to see her again - just to spend time with her. I feel like I could talk to her for hours and I really feel like there's a connection but I don't know if thats friendship or something more.

Just do so as friends as you dont know what her sexual orientation is. You cant cross a bridge until you come to it.

[/quote]All of this is wrecking my head so much I can't concentrate in college[/quote]

Well dont let it wreck your head.

You can deliberately plan to improve your life and dont get into the sex angle until you have thought it thru.

LegacyUser

Ok thank you very much for your advice! Appreciate it