anxiety and worrying about what people think of me

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I'm wondering if anyone can give me advice on how to relax and overcome anxiety when things don't work out or go according to plan.

Basically about two years ago I had a very stressful event in my life and since then I find I become anxious over the least little thing and my body feels completely tense.

For example, the things I get anxious about are if somebody asks me to something and I can't make it, I worry about what they will think of me. How to you get to a stage of not being bothered about what people might think of you??

I suppose I am a bit of a perfectionist and I set very high standards for myself in all aspects of me life!
Any advice greatly appreciated - thanks.

Taltos

anxious-one wrote: »

I suppose I am a bit of a perfectionist and I set very high standards for myself in all aspects of me life!

This is either the nub of the issue or a very visible symptom.
Either way you have to ask yourself - are you happy?

Unfortunately there is no magic wand for this.
There are a few things you can do - but they all involve a portion of self discovery.

1. Talk to someone - explore why you are like this - once you understand you can change - if you really want to.
2. Having recognised what drives you - change it - bit by bit - stop yourself when you find yourself agreeing or whatever it is you do to impress others.
3. Accept that this is just who you are and learn to be happy with this.
4. Find something you can do or enjoy either on your own or with a group. Something that really tests you and forces you to focus on what you are doing - not on what you are thinking. This will help break the repetitive thoughts you have - but also should improve your confidence - and hopefully remove the crutch you have crafted for yourself.

Don't give up - you can break this. Or even just moderate your expectations so good enough is just that. And when things don't work out - you just laugh.

Remember your key drive from now on is
> Be Happy .... Not Be Perfect

ps. remember - you are only responsible for yourself - not for anyone else - or even for how they perceive you. just be happy and they will see this and like you for who you are - once you like you for yourself too.

davmol

No matter how hard you try or what you do,there will always be someone who doesnt like you or that you cant impress,its human nature.

Why spend your life stressing and exhausting yourself trying to be that image you have of whaqt is acceptable to other people.you will NEVER be happy and waste your life trying to achieve it.Be yourself,do what makes you happy and live YOUR life for you

LegacyUser

If you can't go to something, remember that those people have better things to do than to give out about the fact that you can't come. I remember when I was very young I wanted to know what a group of gilrs were talking about, because I thought they were talking about me. And one of them just gave me a who-do-you-think-you-are kind of look and said "you hardly think we are going to waste time talking about you".. (nice eh!)

But they were right. Ever since then I think, why would someone bother talking about me??! If they are that sad that they have nothing else to talk about well then they are the ones who should be worried.

In general I think it's good to try some form of relaxation or meditation. Put on some nice music, light some candles in your room, turn off your mobile for a while and stay away from the internet - allocate plenty of time to spend without distraction so it's just you and allow your mind to be free from your daily thoughts for this time.

Growing thicker skin and being less sensitive to things around you that aren't worth worrying about, in my opinion is a learning curve. You need to try different things and see what works for you.

LegacyUser

OP here again. Thanks to all for the good advice. I'm trying various different relaxation techniques at the moment... will work on developing the thicker skin too!

zenno

anxious-one wrote: »

Hi All,

I'm wondering if anyone can give me advice on how to relax and overcome anxiety when things don't work out or go according to plan.

Basically about two years ago I had a very stressful event in my life and since then I find I become anxious over the least little thing and my body feels completely tense.

For example, the things I get anxious about are if somebody asks me to something and I can't make it, I worry about what they will think of me. How to you get to a stage of not being bothered about what people might think of you??

I suppose I am a bit of a perfectionist and I set very high standards for myself in all aspects of me life!
Any advice greatly appreciated - thanks.

never worry about what people might think of you. you are unique as a person. you do what you want when you want never ever mind what people think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr3is_3mLNA