Please advise me I confussed

troubleshooter

This is a genuine thread. Theres a woman I met last summer, we hit it off really well, she told me she really liked me, called me everynight, but she kept giving conflicting messages. Ie she swore on her kids life that she hasd not dated for 4 years, kept going on about how friends called her a man magnet etc,then kept going on about male friends and her high sex drive etc, etc, etc, seriously made me feel v insecure. She kept saying stuff like I really like you but I dont want to hurt you, It was doing my head in.

So I dropped her, checked her face book site a few weeks later on her wall shes telling her friend about how she really misses some guy(not me). Although she mailed me a 12 page letter weeks later telling me how special it had been between us.

Anyway, shes the first woman I have really liked/connect with since my wife died nearly 3 years ago.

Weve got talking again she went on about her "best friend", how she had known him 5 years and recently went to Barcelona, but insists shes single.

we are meeting tonight, really dont know how to play it, this woman has caused me so much confussion, please help me out, my mind is in a fog, I cant think straight. I dont even know how I feel about her one half totally resents her the other is drawn to her.

Heres a bit more on her, when we dated and I kept my distance, she would say stuff like, I would love to be your girlfriend, I love sitting next to you in your car, when I showed kindness/opened up she started playing games.

Saw a text from her "best friend" begging her to take him back, it said whenever anyone shows love for you, you push them away.

LegacyUser

troubleshooter wrote: »

This is a genuine thread. Theres a woman I met last summer, we hit it off really well, she told me she really liked me, called me everynight, but she kept giving conflicting messages. Ie she swore on her kids life that she hasd not dated for 4 years, kept going on about how friends called her a man magnet etc,then kept going on about male friends and her high sex drive etc, etc, etc, seriously made me feel v insecure. She kept saying stuff like I really like you but I dont want to hurt you, It was doing my head in.

So I dropped her, checked her face book site a few weeks later on her wall shes telling her friend about how she really misses some guy(not me). Although she mailed me a 12 page letter weeks later telling me how special it had been between us.

Anyway, shes the first woman I have really liked/connect with since my wife died nearly 3 years ago.

Weve got talking again she went on about her "best friend", how she had known him 5 years and recently went to Barcelona, but insists shes single.

we are meeting tonight, really dont know how to play it, this woman has caused me so much confussion, please help me out, my mind is in a fog, I cant think straight. I dont even know how I feel about her one half totally resents her the other is drawn to her.

Heres a bit more on her, when we dated and I kept my distance, she would say stuff like, I would love to be your girlfriend, I love sitting next to you in your car, when I showed kindness/opened up she started playing games.

Saw a text from her "best friend" begging her to take him back, it said whenever anyone shows love for you, you push them away.

Been here, same type of thing, I rellay like you, wouldn't wnat to hurt you, hot / cold, pushing me away whenever we got close,

Do yourself a big favour and walk away, don't bother meeting her, I couldn't see the woods for the trees at the time and even tho she "didn't want to hurt me" guess what she did - crushed me infact!! only getting my head together now after 3 months of no contact, i have never had my head so messed up, and the thing is I know that it wasn't on purpose its just the way some people are - I would guess she had been really hurt herself in the past hence all the pushing away when love is shown

Saying all this if Im completley honest if I got a call tomorrow from her, I can't honestly say I wouldn't think about meeting her again, love is a strange thing.

troubleshooter

help me out guys any advise would be welcome, even just saying forget her.

ash23

headwrecker - forget her.

How Strange

OP, I'm sorry to hear this woman is messing you around especially if you're just back on the scene after your wife died.

Honestly, and from a woman's perspective, she sounds like a pr1ck tease and quite an immature one at that. She obviously has her own issues but don't give her the chance to wreck your head. What you need now is an uncomplicated relationship with someone who'll respect you.

Barracudaincork

This woman is a headf*ck!!!!

She says this that and the other and then treats you like sh*t.

I know things will have been hard for you the past 3 years but the next 3 will only be harder if you bother with someone like this, leave her to deal with some of those w*nker men out there, they are an ideal match. You on the other hand should only look for someone like you, in other words a decent soul with a good heart!

Gyalist

troubleshooter wrote: »

Although she mailed me a 12 page letter weeks later telling me how special it had been between us.

12 page letter?? That alone should be enough to alert you that you are not dealing with an emotionally stable person. I hope that it wasn't single-spaced as well.

meditraitor

She sounds like a lot of work, but most woman are..... If you like her then go for it

Danniboo

Hey,

I can't speak for every woman but I think a fair few of us have been in a situation where we've been torn between two people and someone may have got hurt whether we meant to or not. However to be blatently stringing you along while keeping in contact with this other guy knowing you've recently lost your wife is just plain cold. This woman is quite insensitive to your feelings and I think you should forget her. You seem like a nice guy and you'll meet someone nice that will treat you right if you hang in there. Keep smiling : )

ash23

OP, in a recent thread you stated that you were actively dating about 5 women.
Why is it an issue that this girl is doing the same, keeping her options open etc. What's good for the goose.....

I wouldn't advise anyone to date someone who had so many balls in the air and was so up and down, intense then cold etc etc

Like I said, headwrecker.

troubleshooter

Thanks guys, heres a taster of this womans mind, its unreal, give you an idea of what Im dealing with. She French, claims shes not arrogant its cause shes French.

"There one thing I know about myself is that I am sexy. I could even say it's my middle name... At school the 6 formers would open the doors quickly to shout "sexy teacher", I've heard parents say "Wow if I had such a sexy teacher when I was a kid I would be bi lingual!" I didn't pay attention cause men are always beeping you when we walk up to town but it was for me!" I don't get big headed about it though reading it like that might make you feel like I'm boasting, I'm only trying to explain a point."

On her "best friend". The guy she went to Barcelona with.

"Glen decided to stay around as a friend, he was my ex husbands best friend. I have quite a few best friends, close friends but none have ever been there for me so selflessly and so unconditionally caring as Glen. He has helped me like noone has ever helped me before or since.
He went on a few dates himself but is just waiting for me to move on. He says he is unfair to the ladies he dates as he sits there thinking of me.
I swear on my children's life that I did not date or have a romantic relationship with anyone since March 05 (it will soon be 5 years).

Glen is as precious to me and he got very hurt when I dated you. But that's his life and I can't be responsible for his feelings. I had warned him well in advance that I was going to go dating."



Maybe you might see now how this women has seriously caused me confussion.

troubleshooter

ash23 wrote: »

OP, in a recent thread you stated that you were actively dating about 5 women.
Why is it an issue that this girl is doing the same, keeping her options open etc. What's good for the goose.....

I wouldn't advise anyone to date someone who had so many balls in the air and was so up and down, intense then cold etc etc

Like I said, headwrecker.

When I was with her I was faithful to her cause it was so deep, wanted it that way, it felt special.

The odd date here and there/nothing heavy is one thing, calling people every day telling them you have feelings and never felt this before, while telling some other guy all about it to wreck his head is totally different.

troubleshooter

Gyalist wrote: »

12 page letter?? That alone should be enough to alert you that you are not dealing with an emotionally stable person. I hope that it wasn't single-spaced as well.

On the one hand I was quite flattered, I think its cause she not used to guys dumping her.


Shes your classic damaged female treat her like crap and shes all over me, love/respect her and she thinks you a mug.

One date I toyed with her told her she was not girlfriend material, next day she rings me up would you like to come to my place, I will cook for you.

ash23

troubleshooter wrote: »

When I was with her I was faithful to her cause it was so deep, wanted it that way, it felt special.

The odd date here and there/nothing heavy is one thing, calling people every day telling them you have feelings and never felt this before, while telling some other guy all about it to wreck his head is totally different.

and

Shes your classic damaged female treat her like crap and shes all over me, love/respect her and she thinks you a mug.

One date I toyed with her told her she was not girlfriend material, next day she rings me up would you like to come to my place, I will cook for you

You don't see the irony no?
She treats you like crap and you are mad about her. You treat her like crap and she's mad about you...... she's a female you. She does the same things you do and you fall for it.
I bet if she was "nice" and "normal" etc, you'd have no interest in her.

G-Money

It's funny, there seems to be a lot of guys posting very similar complaints recently. I don't know if we've all just met a load of girls who just do our heads in or what. There seems to be an awful lot of them out there at the moment.

I was in a similar boat. She did the whole push/pull thing. Ended up completely f***** my head up and she ended up f*****g someone else. Well I assume she did. She met some guy and once that happened, I didn't want to know her. Yet she wanted me to hang around and "just be friends" and "didn't want things to change".

Pain the ass. I'd tempted to advise you just tell her to go get lost and move on with your life.

troubleshooter

ash23 wrote: »

and

You don't see the irony no?
She treats you like crap and you are mad about her. You treat her like crap and she's mad about you...... she's a female you. She does the same things you do and you fall for it.
I bet if she was "nice" and "normal" etc, you'd have no interest in her.

Its not healthy, nor does it feel good, I know the difference, yet theres a fascination which pulls us back together, on are second date she started the games,saying Ive, never had a one night stand, I went out with a 19 yr old when I was 37, I had an affair for 4 yrs with my husbands best friend, Ive always wanted a 3 some, Ive not dated for 4 years......blah, blah ,blah.

So on our third date we went out for the evening I ambushed her on the way home, brought her to a swingers club, called her bluff dumped her a few weeks later, shes hasnt got over what she calls my disrespect, what did she expect.

daisybelle2008

troubleshooter wrote: »

Its not healthy, nor does it feel good, I know the difference, yet theres a fascination which pulls us back together, on are second date she started the games,saying Ive, never had a one night stand, I went out with a 19 yr old when I was 37, I had an affair for 4 yrs with my husbands best friend, Ive always wanted a 3 some, Ive not dated for 4 years......blah, blah ,blah.

So on our third date we went out for the evening I ambushed her on the way home, brought her to a swingers club, called her bluff dumped her a few weeks later, shes hasnt got over what she calls my disrespect, what did she expect.

And he is back :rolleyes:. I was wondering bout your first post as the level of misogyny was barely registering, I thought someone had hacked your account.
The only thing missing now is you describing her physical appearence in graphic detail and then getting hostile with other posters and thread gets locked. Sad boy. Good luck.

ash23

troubleshooter wrote: »

Its not healthy, nor does it feel good, I know the difference, yet theres a fascination which pulls us back together, on are second date she started the games,saying Ive, never had a one night stand, I went out with a 19 yr old when I was 37, I had an affair for 4 yrs with my husbands best friend, Ive always wanted a 3 some, Ive not dated for 4 years......blah, blah ,blah.

So on our third date we went out for the evening I ambushed her on the way home, brought her to a swingers club, called her bluff dumped her a few weeks later, shes hasnt got over what she calls my disrespect, what did she expect.

You guys are perfectly suited so.
If you cannot see traits of your own in what this woman is doing then you really have the blinkers on.
What she is doing to you is what you have described doing, at great lengths, to all the other women you speak of on here.

You guys really should be together, if only to save all the other men and women in the world from the game playing, head wrecking, power struggle you both seem to enjoy.

Best wishes to the both of you

troubleshooter

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

And he is back :rolleyes:. I was wondering bout your first post as the level of misogyny was barely registering, I thought someone had hacked your account.
The only thing missing now is you describing her physical appearence in graphic detail and then getting hostile with other posters and thread gets locked. Sad boy. Good luck.

Different strokes for different folks my friend, I have genuine feelings towards her. Problem is she was sexual abused by her parents for years then in an abusive marriage for years, her father used to bring her to the woods to have sex with her and tell her she would never be good enough for any man.

Told her Im not the enemy. Its frustrating if I show her love she will just reject it.

its only in recent years shes discovered her outer sexual persona, and boy is she milking it.

Underneath still no confidence, I know she really thinks Im too good for her. Hence in her comfort zone with very av males.

Barracudaincork

troubleshooter wrote: »

Different strokes for different folks my friend, I have genuine feelings towards her. Problem is she was sexual abused by her parents for years then in an abusive marriage for years, her father used to bring her to the woods to have sex with her and tell her she would never be good enough for any man.

Told her Im not the enemy. Its frustrating if I show her love she will just reject it.

Are you for real? its not your place to tell everyone on boards about someone elses past like this!

YOU are the biggest enemy in her life right now!!! Do the women a favour and leave her alone she appears to have had enough heartache in her life without having you putting more on top.

martdalto

If you really honestly think that you two could be together, properly with no games, then suggest she goes to counselling, both alone and with you as a couple to address any/all issues she may have.

If not then just do yourselves a favour and stop contact.

(Although I'd be inclined to agree with ash23, you 2 should be together.. it would save another 2 (possibly more) unsuspecting people the heartache!)

LegacyUser

troubleshooter wrote: »

Different strokes for different folks my friend, I have genuine feelings towards her. Problem is she was sexual abused by her parents for years then in an abusive marriage for years, her father used to bring her to the woods to have sex with her and tell her she would never be good enough for any man.

Told her Im not the enemy. Its frustrating if I show her love she will just reject it.

its only in recent years shes discovered her outer sexual persona, and boy is she milking it.

Underneath still no confidence, I know she really thinks Im too good for her. Hence in her comfort zone with very av males.

Awh seriously OP, you say you care deeply about this girl, well if you genuinely did, you wouldn't divulge so much information about her troubled past. I know she may never see this but, you just at least respect her privacy on a personal level if nothing else.
I have read some of your other posts and honestly, I think you like and seek out drama even when its not there!

The Recliner

Troubleshooter please stop giving out so many details about someone elses life, they are not yours to disclose

If you persist in doing this the thread is heading for lockage and probably deletion

troubleshooter

Thanks for your help everyone, some coments have been most insightful, especially the one that said we mirror each other in behaviour.

Cheers.

troubleshooter

-1-2-3- wrote: »

Awh seriously OP, you say you care deeply about this girl, well if you genuinely did, you wouldn't divulge so much information about her troubled past. I know she may never see this but, you just at least respect her privacy on a personal level if nothing else.
I have read some of your other posts and honestly, I think you like and seek out drama even when its not there!

Ok fair enough, trust me if she had played by the rules I would not have done to her what I did on the third date/post 16, but she tried to f*** me over..not nice. I would never do that to a girl who played by the rules.

Im into NLP, it teaches you about body language, second date I jokingly asked, where your boyfriend tonight, she laughed saying I dont know, her body langage made me suspious, I suspect the "best friend" is married, she was/is looking for an emotional crutch as many women do who are seeing married men.

Shes coming to my place at 7.30 should be an intresting evening.

Nevyn

If you have a pattern of being attracted to women who have issues then you have to look to yourself and your control issues, it is not for you to set rules and punish people.

Do yourself and the women you seem to end up with a favour and go get help with your issues rather then distracting yourself by looking for partners who have issues which you use to manipulate them to make yourself feel better about yourself.

This forum does not exist for you to brag about how badly you treat such people.